To be upset by MILs comment

[flutterby3]

Hi so my DD will be 1 next week, my MIL has recently started having my DD once every couple of weeks for the afternoon while I'm at work (my mum has her majority of the time when I'm working)

My DP went to pick her up from MILs on Monday and while there MIL kept letting DD take her glasses because she liked the noise DD makes when allowed to do it. My DP asked her not to let her do it as a lot of my family wear glasses all the time and we have always told her not to and so she hasn't been touching peoples glasses. (Obviously some peoples glasses are very expensive and we can't afford to pay for them if they get broken by DD). And actually since MIL has been looking after her she has a new fascination with glasses and has been pulling them off family's faces 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway MIL said to DP "well I'll just let her do it when you're not here" and obviously my DP was not happy about this comment. And by saying This I now feel like We can't trust her to look after DD.

I know the glasses issue isn't that important but it's her comment that concerns me most. AIBU to be upset/concerned about this comment? How would you feel about it

Thanks

You know, the only thing I would say here is.. if you think of it on the broad spectrum.. realistically how long will DD be interested in glasses? She is only 1 now .. by the time she is 1 and a half she won't give a shit about glasses! This is going to pass, I feel like GM and DD's relationship is worth protecting and whilst it's not ideal.. it's not really the worst thing she could be doing and if other things are happening, if you're so hung up on the statement that she probably just thought of at that moment, think of how awful the other things she's letting her do really could be.

Its not about the glasses per se - its about knowing and trusting that someone caring for your child will do it with your best wishes in mind, and not do their own thing with your child behind your back - especially knowing its not what you want. Its about grandparent respecting thave you are the parent. The glasses are just incidental to that.

it's about micro managing and control

God no. Really would not be an issue over this. My answer if DD ever said ‘well MIL let’s me’would be ‘her house, her rules’ ‘my house, my rules’.

MIL used to look after my two children once a week and had a similar attitude- she felt that if the children were with her she could do what she liked. To the point where she would encourage them to lie to us about what they'd done, what they'd eaten etc. It all went very wrong in the end, OH asked her several times to stick to a few rules (such as using the correct car seats, not giving caffeinated drinks to our DD who has a heart condition!) and she eventually threw a tantrum and we ended the arrangement. She actually wrote a letter to OH basically outlining what bad parents we are.

Like many here, I have had no family help with my three children. My husband and I go out a few times a year and have had 3 nights away in the last 12 years. In other words, I'd have LOVED some free childcare. Suck it up.

I know exactly where you are coming from OP. Your MIL is basically saying...'I'll do what I want in my house'. I'd lay the law down personally. Can't keep to your parenting rules?? Can't look after grandchildren= simple.

I'm with you OP. The glasses thing may seem minor but it's a symptom of an attitude that I find really worrying. I look after my son's DS and my daughter's DD and I feel it's crucial that they can trust me to care for their children as they would themselves. Grandchildren are a privilege not a right.

Your first child I presume.
Pay nursery fees and get to call all the shots. Childcare from family - rife with problems.

I think you are right to be annoyed. You don't want your DD to get into the habit of doing this and she is far too young to realise MIL is Ok with it but others aren't. I agree with saying x's glasses nearly got broken because of DD will you just stop allowing her to do this please. If she ignores that I would stop the visits unless you're there to supervise.

if you want to play with a kid dont wear expensive glasses around them, its simple. - are you being deliberately dim? I don't wear expensive glasses for the hell of it - I wear them because without them I cannot see, as in could not safely leave the house without them.

Apart from anything else, MIL is doing DD no favours as playing with glasses is going to make DD pretty unpopular (through no fault of her own) with her glasses-wearing relatives

When you wear glasses (which are fucking expensive) and you really need them to see then you do tend to be intolerant of children touching them. Mine knew from a young age not to touch, it only took a few gentle tellings, as I was consistent as were my DM and MIL who also wear specs. Even now they know not to touch the lenses if they hand them to me etc. YANBU OP, if your kid broke my specs I’d be livid as I need them to see and my old pairs are old pairs for a reason (plus weaker prescriptions so I’d have headaches and sore eyes until I could get a replacement - which would take at least a fortnight because I live remotely and they need to be sent for) so no YANBU. If granny can’t listen to your rules then that’s a problem. Would she let her play with a £400 vase? No? Then why let her play with expensive glasses? It’s not funny, it’s irritating and could cause real problems - why would she want others to think your lovely child is irritating? Because that’s how I’d perceive her if she grabbed my specs off her face, plus she’d get a short sharp ‘NO!’

Or my specs off MY face even!!

I don't think you shouldn't trust MIL it's her granddaughter and she's helping you by having baby but I do think if you asked her to do or not do something she should respect that. Perhaps explain properly why you don't want baby doing that and ask her again to respect those wishes OP. I hope you can sort it amicably and don't lose trust in MIL x

Your right op, your dd is still young, she won't know what glasses she can touch and which she cannot. Better to teach her not to touch any glasses. Mine are over £200, frames, lense thinning, reactions. I would be annoyed ifcmy glasses were broken.

I think she would be given a bit of freedom.

If you want to dictate every detail, get a nanny. I would be annoyed if I were her. If you're doing someone a favour, it is not nice to be told off for not doing it well enough.

She is a family member who should be allowed to do things her own way within reason and form her own relationship with her. It is different if it goes against the values you are trying to teach, like the meat eating example, but there is no need to micro manage trivial issues.

£300 for a pair of glasses, try "glasses Direct", I dont pay a lot for mine but need them, cant be without them, so am with you, your child, YOUR rules!I do as my DD does. When my DGD was about one she whipped my glasses off and bent the arm one side, so they wouldnt fit.

BadFeminist - why would you make such a ridiculous, generalised statement. I expect you think all men are Dicks too 🙄
Silly woman 😡

I don't think its a big deal. I expect your MIL was tongue in cheek about it. She'll soon get narked off with it when she has to buy a new pair due to breakage.
If you're really concerned about her I'd spend a bit of time with her getting to know her better. That way she'll learn anout your values etc from getting to know you

If this is the only issue you have with MIL you're doing well.

But she should respect that if you say your child isn't allowed to do something then she shouldn't let her.

I had mine snatched and thrown as a child by a toddler, put a big scratch across the middle, it was annoying for ages

For everyone piling in on the op, note the comment from the mil that she would just carry on behind their backs. If she’s doing this with such a simple request, then what else is she choosing to override when she has op’s dd?

It’s about a level of trust. Op has explained why she doesn’t want her dd to play with glasses (it’s not just something silly to pick up on, it’s the fact that several members of op’s side of the family wear glasses) and the mil clearly can’t respect this, which is absolutely disgusting!

Op yadnbu

My toddler loves swatting glasses and grabbing them. I am on my 5th pair since he started this yanbu.

Yanbu OP. I'd be peed off too. Both at the undermining your rules and also because its really bloody stupid to let children play with glasses. Mine are really expensive as I have dreadful eyesight. If anything happened to them I would weep.

I'm sure BadFeminist will be the biggest grandparent there is then