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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to ask his DSIS to return the gift.

206 replies

EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:04

DH and his sister have very little to do with each other. We have DTDs, she has a DD and we rarely see each other (our children have met twice and they are 11 and 9YO)

SIL has sent Christmas presents that we need to wrap. I’ve looked and she has bought the same for DTD2 as my mum has. It is something that DTD2 wants, and so I asked my mum to get it. DH, because he has little to do with his sister, wants me to ask my mum to return her gift but I don’t want to do that as I specifically asked her to get it for DTD2, and it’s just coincidence that SIL got it - she did not ask in advance what the girls might like, she’s just made a guess based on standard stuff 11 year olds are likely to be into.

So AIBU or is DH?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 21:05

I think I would just return the one that is easiest. I don't think the relationship background is relevant.

Need9HoursSleep · 20/12/2017 21:06

Could you take both and return one to shop yourself and swap it for something else

Welshmaenad · 20/12/2017 21:06

Get the receipt from your mum, return the gift from SIL and swap for something else your DD will like. That will be from SIL, original gift from your DM as planned.

If you see so little of SIL she won't even know you swapped the gift.

ladymelbourne1926 · 20/12/2017 21:07

Who would it be easiest to ask to return? I would just go with that, the rest isn't really relevant.

DillyDilly · 20/12/2017 21:08

You’re being ridiculous. You’re Sil was good enough to pick a gift for your child -,good choice as it was something she wanted.

Returning the gift would be pure rudeness. Simpler to get your mum to exchange her gift for something else or just accept that your DD got two of the same and these things happen!

Lucked · 20/12/2017 21:08

Get the receipt and do the exchange yourself.

Crispbutty · 20/12/2017 21:09

Sounds easier to explain the situation to your mum, ask if you could change it to something else.

Justanothernameonthepage · 20/12/2017 21:09

If you're not broke, buy another gift to be from your SIL and regift or store the dupe.
Or just explain to your mum and ask for the receipt so you can return SIL gift and get another one. That way your mum still gets the pleasure of gifting something wanted, SIL doesn't get bothered and everyone is happy.

Softkitty2 · 20/12/2017 21:10

You are cutting your nose off the spite your face.

Unnecessary stress you are creating for yourself.

Floralnomad · 20/12/2017 21:10

Agree with pp just get the receipt from whoever it’s easiest to get it from, the relationship is not relevant .

Justanothernameonthepage · 20/12/2017 21:10

Cross post with lots of posters :)

AlexaDoTheDishes · 20/12/2017 21:11

Your SIL bought your DD a Christmas present, and despite not asking got what she wanted bang on. Kudos to her.

Return the one your MIL bought.

You're being petty

Splinterz · 20/12/2017 21:11

What would you do if EG both gifts had arrived wrapped that morning?

GrrrHotdogs · 20/12/2017 21:11

I think you should ask your mum too. Surely she would understand.

If the present isn't too high value could you just put one away and give it to bother child as a birthday present.

littlemisscomper · 20/12/2017 21:12

I guess a message along the lines of: 'Hiya! hanks so much for the presents for the girls! DTD2 loves xxxx and actually has it already! Would it be possible to return it, maybe in exchange for xxxx something similar she would also like?

I don't see how that would be rude.

QuiteLikely5 · 20/12/2017 21:12

Gawd just exchange it? Yourself

NorthernLurker · 20/12/2017 21:14

It's clearly much easier for your mum to return hers. Do that. I can see why sil has little contact with you if you're this much hard work!

speakout · 20/12/2017 21:14

Yes I would take back SILs to shop with Mums receipt.

Serin · 20/12/2017 21:16

I agree with DillyDilly.

You clearly have a good relationship with your Mum, explain to her what has happened and offer to swap it for her.

It's Christmas, it shouldn't be about fighting over who gives what. Your DSIL has clearly tried to pick something your DD will like and maybe you could use that as a basis for trying to improve your relationship with her.

mammmamia · 20/12/2017 21:16

Yabu and a bit petty

BewareOfDragons · 20/12/2017 21:16

FFS, just do what's easiest. In this case, I'm sure it's your mum and I'm sure she'll understand. Offer to exchange it for her if that makes life easier for her.

At least your DH's sister tried to get something your daughter would like, and she succeeded! Let it go.

ZigZagandDustin · 20/12/2017 21:16

I'd find it much easier to say it to my mum. She'd hardly mind!

Whinesalot · 20/12/2017 21:19

If you've got a decent relationship with your dm, surely she will understand.

Mountain out of a molehill

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:20

No receipt for SIL’s gift as she works for the online company it’s come from. There’s not even a delivery note. DTD won’t get gifts from my mum until Boxing Day as we will see them then. I don’t want to ask mum to return it and get something else as 1) she’s in her 70s and will have to make a specific trip into town to do so and 2) she’s bought this because I asked her to. SIL has just hit “add to basket” online and hasn’t even bothered to wrap things and post them herself.

DH doesn’t want to deal with it because the relationship between him and his sister is awkward.

OP posts:
PantPlot · 20/12/2017 21:21

Given the circumstances I'd ask my mum.