To want DH to ask his DSIS to return the gift.

[EvilTwins]

DH and his sister have very little to do with each other. We have DTDs, she has a DD and we rarely see each other (our children have met twice and they are 11 and 9YO)

SIL has sent Christmas presents that we need to wrap. I’ve looked and she has bought the same for DTD2 as my mum has. It is something that DTD2 wants, and so I asked my mum to get it. DH, because he has little to do with his sister, wants me to ask my mum to return her gift but I don’t want to do that as I specifically asked her to get it for DTD2, and it’s just coincidence that SIL got it - she did not ask in advance what the girls might like, she’s just made a guess based on standard stuff 11 year olds are likely to be into.

So AIBU or is DH?

Twin.

Why did you ask if you didn't want people's answers?

I did. And about two days ago I accepted the majority of answers and said we’d sort it.

Yuuuuuup

DTD = dear twin daughter.
Like DD but a twin one.

No OP does not sound like a cow. At all.

No SIL does not sound like a poor misunderstood loving auntie. At all.

Totally agree Fizzy.

None of us know what it is like to live with other people's relatives, or the amount of pain and discord and apparently "reasonable" person can cause just by their manner. unless we have experienced it in our own families.

I can see why OP's Dh didn't insist on visiting during the prescribed hours - because his sister would have kicked off in public, putting further stress on his parents. Either that or would have stormed out, and given them an earful when he'd gone. His DF and DM didn't need that sort of drama.

I suspect that she sends gifts so she can say to everyone "Even though they a bastards, I wouldn't let the children suffer" and go round in a "holier than thou" glow.

It might be an idea to just give away any gifts they send anyway - forever, Gifts that aren't given with love aren't worth having. She doesn't want a relationship with you or your DDs - she has an agenda of her own.