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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to ask his DSIS to return the gift.

206 replies

EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:04

DH and his sister have very little to do with each other. We have DTDs, she has a DD and we rarely see each other (our children have met twice and they are 11 and 9YO)

SIL has sent Christmas presents that we need to wrap. I’ve looked and she has bought the same for DTD2 as my mum has. It is something that DTD2 wants, and so I asked my mum to get it. DH, because he has little to do with his sister, wants me to ask my mum to return her gift but I don’t want to do that as I specifically asked her to get it for DTD2, and it’s just coincidence that SIL got it - she did not ask in advance what the girls might like, she’s just made a guess based on standard stuff 11 year olds are likely to be into.

So AIBU or is DH?

OP posts:
Meeep · 20/12/2017 21:21

Yeah, agree, ask your mum, it'll be loads easier, asking your SIL is just making work.

thatsthewayitgoes · 20/12/2017 21:22

If it's sold in a shop in town, return it and swap it for something else. Wrap it up and no one need be any the wiser.

happypoobum · 20/12/2017 21:23

Could you not just swap and give DTD1 the gift and swap her gift and give to DTD2?

It sounds like you are going to make a difficult relationship even more tricky - is that your aim?

AnaWinter · 20/12/2017 21:23

Your Mum does not have to return it. Just return SIL’s using your Mum’s receipt or keep it and re gift.

Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 21:23

So ask SIL to change it. It's no big deal.

AnaWinter · 20/12/2017 21:24

Actually Happypoo’s idea is better

TheAntiBoop · 20/12/2017 21:24

Incredibly rude to ever ask anyone to return a gift unless they have sent you a gift receipt or specified they are happy to change

You smile and accept it graciously and give it to the charity shop if you can't keep two.

Growing up I had it happen a few times - although this was in the days where people were more likely to pick something for you than ask what you wanted

Perfectly1mperfect · 20/12/2017 21:24

As the item is the same, explain to your mum what has happened and then take the one back from SIL using your mums receipt.

Knittedfairies · 20/12/2017 21:24

Do you have to return either? As someone upthread said, if the gift had arrived wrapped you wouldn’t know. Have you never had duplicate gifts?

midnightmisssuki · 20/12/2017 21:24

i think you sound as if you dont like your sil very much. If you dont mind souring whatever relationship you have with your DB and SIL - then i would explain to your brother and sil that your mum has got the same thing - hopefully they understand and take the gift back. Good luck.

ADishBestEatenCold · 20/12/2017 21:25

As your mum bought the item in town, so presumably a shop, could you ask your mum for (just) her receipt, and use it to return DSILs gift?

teaandakitkat · 20/12/2017 21:25

You're making this too complicated.

Buy another gift for your dd from sil. She will never know.

Get your mum's receipt and use it to return the gift sil originally sent. You don't have to do it now, you've probably got time to do it after Christmas.

Or if you don't have the receipt try to exchange it. Most shops will happily do that.

Doesn't matter whose receipt you use to return the duplicate.

PantPlot · 20/12/2017 21:26

If you don't feel you can ask your mum, I'd just accept both tbh. Duplicates happen, nearly every year in this house- just one of those things.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/12/2017 21:27

I think you should ask your SIL. You're the one who specifically wants hers changed, not your mum's so you deal with it.

ADishBestEatenCold · 20/12/2017 21:28

Also like happypoobum's idea that you give DTD1 the duplicate gift from DSIL and give DTD2 the gift that DSIL originally intended for DTD1.

Rachie1973 · 20/12/2017 21:28

Did you ask what their daughter wanted?

If so, why didn't you reciprocate during that conversation?

I'd just switch T's presents

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:32

midnight it’s DH’s sister.

DTD1 wouldn’t want it. SIL has sent 3 things for “the twins” so not specifically for either of them.

I suspect we’ll end up regifting/ donating as DH doesn’t want to deal it and I don’t want to ask my mum to swap it as she’s in her 70s and has bought it because I asked her to.

OP posts:
Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:34

Rachie Yes - DH asked what to get for DNeice and has bought that. SIL never asks.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 21:35

So can you go in and change your mums present if you don't want to ask her?

randomthoughts · 20/12/2017 21:35

Explain to you mum, ask for her receipt and return the one from SIL after Christmas. Simple

cherish123 · 20/12/2017 21:35

YABU to ask either to return it. It was a gift with the best of intentions. Sometimes we get duplicate. Either YOU return it or keep it to give to another child and buy your daughter something else.

KERALA1 · 20/12/2017 21:35

Still don't see what sil has done wrong - though you obviously detest the woman so I suspect whatever she did would be wrong in your eyes

Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 21:36

SIL hasn't done anything wrong. It's not compulsory to specify what you want for your kids.

Branleuse · 20/12/2017 21:37

Since shes given them to you to wrap, which tbh is weird, i think its easy to just say by tge way, have you got the receipt as one of those presents us a duplicate

Branleuse · 20/12/2017 21:37

No need to feel as though weve done something wrong by being given a duplicate gift

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