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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to ask his DSIS to return the gift.

206 replies

EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:04

DH and his sister have very little to do with each other. We have DTDs, she has a DD and we rarely see each other (our children have met twice and they are 11 and 9YO)

SIL has sent Christmas presents that we need to wrap. I’ve looked and she has bought the same for DTD2 as my mum has. It is something that DTD2 wants, and so I asked my mum to get it. DH, because he has little to do with his sister, wants me to ask my mum to return her gift but I don’t want to do that as I specifically asked her to get it for DTD2, and it’s just coincidence that SIL got it - she did not ask in advance what the girls might like, she’s just made a guess based on standard stuff 11 year olds are likely to be into.

So AIBU or is DH?

OP posts:
Original poster
EvilTwins · 21/12/2017 23:15

He didn’t want to upset his mum by causing a scene in the hospital. It was prettt bloody difficult. There was a big confrontational row in the car park. He did visit his dad. Just outside of visiting hours. SIL is not the poor downtrodden darling posters on this thread have decided she is.

OP posts:
MiltonTheChristmasCockroach · 21/12/2017 23:26

He did visit his dad. Just outside of visiting hours

DH had to seek permission to visit outside of visiting hours as he did not want to cause a scene.

Who did he have to seek permission from to visit his own father?

hiyasminitsme · 21/12/2017 23:27

put one of them in the presents cupboard. give it to someone at a birthday party. use the money you would have spent at the birthday party to buy something else for your child at xmas. doesn't everyone do that sort of thing? or is it too expensive.

MiltonTheChristmasCockroach · 21/12/2017 23:29

I assume you mean the medical team.

Odd though. I doubt SIL was sitting sentry during visiting hours every day, what with her having a child, a family and a job at an online company to juggle.

Your DH needs to be more assertive tbh.

Floralnomad · 22/12/2017 00:01

Why have you accepted presents for the past 11 years then , just send them back and tell her not to bother anymore .

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 22/12/2017 00:16

You are coming across as very , very unpleasant , ungrateful and hypocritical OP.

As some one said Your SIL bought your DD a Christmas present, and despite not asking got what she wanted bang on. Kudos to her

You then said it was just a lucky generic guess for that age group - except apparently when your mother bought it, having been told what to get , it was thoughtful

And it’s curling tongs - now I have never used curling tongs. I have used hairdryers and they break / wear out. I'm not finding it too difficult to imagine a situation where owning 2 sets of curling tongs is not the worst thing to ever happen. If your daughter has sleepovers she might like a spare set for friends to use.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 22/12/2017 00:19

As I said upthread, she will only communicate with DH via email and not with me at all

Unsurprisingly

MyKingdomForBrie · 22/12/2017 00:38

Oh my god why why why won’t you listen to the so sensible and often repeated advice on this thread - use your mum’s receipt and exchange the gift from SIL or just take it back and get gift vouchers without a receipt!

There is really no bloody need for this martyrdom.

Jux · 22/12/2017 01:00

Come on, luv, you're playing with us really, aren't you? You had the answer on the 3rd response waaaaaaay up there, from WelshMaenad so there was no need for you to do more than reply "Thank you, WelshMaenad, why on earth didn't I think of that brilliant yet simple solution? Sometimes I really do have 'doh' moments! I shall do exactly as you suggest. Thanks everyone, happy Christmas!"

You can c&p that if you like.

Choccywoccyhooha · 22/12/2017 02:44

Duplicate gifts happen. Receiving presents that we wouldn't have chosen for ourselves happens. There is no harm in either of your daughters receiving the gift and realising this.
Personally, I would give to dtd1, their aunt bought them for them, your job is to pass the present on. My 8 year old received a book from my brother last week for his birthday, he already had it, but he graciously accepted it and i bought it off him later to put in the present drawer.
My 7 year old also received a duplicate book for his birthday, again he accepted it with a smile and a thank you. He decided to keep both copies, I don't know why, but it's his choice.

Come to think of it, my 3 year old got two books the same for her birthday. Admittedly, at 3 she did say "Ohhh, another one!" but I would never have asked my brother or my friend to change it. She had one in the car for a bit and one in the house, and then we charity shopped one copy.

I am sure your 11 year olds can muster some gratefulness for a gift if my younger children can manage it.

DivisionBelle · 22/12/2017 02:47

Tell your Mum what has happened , ask your Mum if she has her receipt, use that receipt to return tne SIL gift, and buy something else from SIL.

HoppingPavlova · 22/12/2017 03:10

Jesus wept, why are you making this so difficult and banging on about history that has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

Take SIL gift to a store that exchanges without receipts, plenty around. Buy something your child that is not into hair will like. Give one daughter the book/hair dye from SIL, give the other daughter the appropriate alternative you have chosen with the exchange. How fucking difficult is it! Why does anyone need to faff about contacting anyone about anything?

Unless you are thick as a log and can’t butter toast this can be very easily and quickly sorted to satisfaction all round. But then you would not be able to cause shit with your SIL which is what I expect you really want as nothing else makes any sense.

BedtimeTea · 22/12/2017 04:07

Return to sender.

BedtimeTea · 22/12/2017 04:09

Or donate to a charity and get something else for your daughter who isn't interested in hair products.

BedtimeTea · 22/12/2017 04:13

But under no conditions should your mother be asked to return the gift that you told her to buy. Since your husband is too terrified of his sister to say anything...maybe you should donate everything she sent and ask your husband to tell her that you are not doing gift exchange any longer.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/12/2017 10:01

There are some people on this thread who have really shown themselves up as baying fucking idiots.

No OP does not sound like a cow. At all.

No SIL does not sound like a poor misunderstood loving auntie. At all.

Wouldn't it be easier to just find a thread - there are lots of them - where a poster is clearly being unreasonable, and pile into that one instead? Rather than disappearing up your own backsides trying desperately to find a way in which OP is defintiely definitely LYING!! in all her posts and really it's all her fault? You look like TWATS. All of you.

If I had a shit relative who'd caused lots of grief, and a lovely mum who'd been pleased to buy her granddaughter a present she really wanted, then no I fucking wouldn't be arranging hastily for my mum to go and return it and buy some other generic present so that the desired gift could come from some auntie they don't even know. And neither would any of you nitpicking, idiotic lot.

All of you should just shut up and find another thread to get your jollies on.

With apologies to the reasoned posters.

CheekyRedhead · 22/12/2017 10:14

No one is saying your mum should return her gift they are staying YOU ask for her receipt and YOU exchange sil gift. You can they get something f2f whichever would like. Everyone is happy. Why are you ignoring 20+ comments saying YOU do the exchange. You are too obsessed with hating your sil to see an easy solution Hmm

CheekyRedhead · 22/12/2017 10:16

Ok missed a page that they are different brands. Just re gift it then fgs

YogaDrone · 22/12/2017 10:18

Don't give you daughters any of SIL's gifts. Re-gift them/donate to charity and give the girls a gift voucher in SILs name. Then your mum still gets to give your DD2 the gift she asked for and DD1 doesn't get a gift she won't like.

Aridane · 22/12/2017 15:32

You clearly cannot stand your SIL!

Kudos to her for getting such a spot on present

Aridane · 22/12/2017 15:33

SIL has just hit “add to basket” online and hasn’t even bothered to wrap things and post them herself.

Yes, love - it’s called online shopping - you should try it sometime

Original poster
EvilTwins · 22/12/2017 16:06

Ariadne thanks for that super helpful comment. We do shop online but tend to have it delivered to us and then wrap and send on/deliver. If it’s easier to have it delivered to the recipient then we use the option to have it wrapped.

It’s fine. DH emailed her last night and asked what the best thing to do is. Since she got it from the company she works for, there’s no receipt. We’ve wrapped the other two things and will give them to the girls as a joint present.

No love lost between SIL & me but the original AIBU was because DH wanted me to get my mum to change her gift but refused to ask his sister.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 22/12/2017 16:19

And Aridane proves my point Grin

Some people really should get themselves some stress relieving squeezy dolls.

OP, glad it got sorted.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 22/12/2017 16:35

FizzyGreenWater are you the OP's twin?

frenchfancy17 · 22/12/2017 16:39

What the heck is DTD? I only know the other version...