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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to ask his DSIS to return the gift.

206 replies

EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:04

DH and his sister have very little to do with each other. We have DTDs, she has a DD and we rarely see each other (our children have met twice and they are 11 and 9YO)

SIL has sent Christmas presents that we need to wrap. I’ve looked and she has bought the same for DTD2 as my mum has. It is something that DTD2 wants, and so I asked my mum to get it. DH, because he has little to do with his sister, wants me to ask my mum to return her gift but I don’t want to do that as I specifically asked her to get it for DTD2, and it’s just coincidence that SIL got it - she did not ask in advance what the girls might like, she’s just made a guess based on standard stuff 11 year olds are likely to be into.

So AIBU or is DH?

OP posts:
Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 22:06

Nicknacky DH asked what her DD would like and then bought that.

TBH it’s more about wishing DH would deal with it. In my OP I wrote that he’s asked me to ask my mum to return her gift before Christmas which I don’t want to do. He think IABU but is just as unwilling to ask his DSis to do what he thinks I should ask my mum to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 22:07

Blunt Darling Twin Daughter.

OP posts:
Nottheduchessofcambridge · 20/12/2017 22:09

OP, are you usually this petty or only when it comes to your SIL? Use your DMs receipt to take your SILs gift back to the shop, exchange it for something else. Your DM can still get credit for the gift you told her to buy and you can give something else from your SIL. You are deliberately trying to make this awkward and I suspect your DH can see this and wants no part of it.

Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 22:10

Because he maybe thinks that's the was insider option as your mum won't be offended.

Christ on a bike, is life always this difficult for you?? It's a minor minor inconvenience. Your child has two people who love her and gave both bought her a gift they think she will like. Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 22:10

Easier option, not insider.

MiltonTheChristmasCockroach · 20/12/2017 22:12

DTD = Dear Twin Daughter

MrGrumpy01 · 20/12/2017 22:12

The difference is the dynamics in the relationships, your DH and SIL sound like they are on very shaky ground and I can understand why he doesn't want to rock the boat.

Maybe he thinks your Mum will take it better and not see it as a slight. At the end of the day you told your Mum what to get, so is probably less of an issue to see if it can get hers changed. I have pretty much had to sort out all the presents for the DC from MIL, this really isn't an issue.

Mooncuplanding · 20/12/2017 22:12

I really think people lose the plot at christmas

MiltonTheChristmasCockroach · 20/12/2017 22:13

Ah, should have refreshed before posting. 'Darling' is even worse than Dear but that's MN shorthand for you.

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 22:15

Your child has two people who love her and gave both bought her a gift they think she will like.

SIL has met my children twice and she has sent gifts that an 11 year old might like, not gifts FOR my children. There is a difference.

I can’t return SIL’s with mum’s receipt as they’re not the same brand,

No, it’s not a big deal - first world problems etc etc and we will fix it.

OP posts:
diddl · 20/12/2017 22:15

It shouldn't be about asking Op's mum because she won't be offended.

She's done nothing wrong-she has been & bought what she was asked to.

Similary, SIL has done nothing wrong.

It should be easy enough to say to her-fab gift, but mum has already got them. what would you like to do.

Why can't you do that Op?

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2017 22:17

Ah!, thank you! I couldn't work it out at all...🤣

diddl · 20/12/2017 22:17

Or just give them to the daughter that isn't getting them from your mum for use on the odd occasion that you do her hair for her?

Or keep them as a spare household pair & they have one of the other presents each?

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 22:17

diddl that’s what I want DH to do but he won’t. He want me to ask mum instead - that was the point of my OP.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 22:17

evil I don't think it matters what anyone says, you are convinced your SIL is in the wrong. Regardless of love, she was bang on the money for a gift. That's a good thing!

Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 22:18

So you ask SIL? Why does your H have to do it?

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 22:19

nicknacky bang on for DTD2 in all three choices, totally off the mark for DTD1.

OP posts:
Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 22:20

nicknacky because she is his sister.

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 20/12/2017 22:20

Sorry - just seen your reply - my apologies.

Get your husband to speak to his sister - you sound as if you dont want to and probably shouldn't have to. If he doesn't do it, then either re-gift present or exchange present. One of your twins def wouldn't want the tongs? Good luck.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 20/12/2017 22:21

Well at least she didn't buy them one each!

Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 22:21

So what? You can still speak to her. Or does he not speak to members of your family?

ITS ONLY A DUPLICATE PRESENT!!

diddl · 20/12/2017 22:23

So, you don't want to ask your mum, he doesn't want to ask his siter-so you're equal on that!

I can see your point about why yu don't want to ask your mum btw.

And he doesn't want to ask his sister because he doesn't have much to do with her?

So-how badly do you want SIL's gift(s) changing-enough to do it yourself?

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 22:24

nicknacky It’s complicated. They only communicate via email. She will not communicate with me at all. There is a long and difficult history to their relationship that goes back to when he and I first met and her not wanting him to have a girlfriend (they were living together at the time)

OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 20/12/2017 22:28

She words for a big online company so shopping would be pretty easy for her

You keep saying this as if it’s a bad thing. I did all my shopping online, I don’t work for a big online company and it was pretty easy for me too.

Does that mean my gifts are worth less than if I had trudged in to town and bought them?

My mum is 70, more than capable of taking something back to a store.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 20/12/2017 22:29

All these people telling OP to do it....IT'S HER DH"S SISTER! HE should.

Otherwise OP, I'd try and swap it in a store which sells the thing....some places will allow that without a reciept.

Or....phone his sister then shove the phone at DH.

"Hi SIL! Yes...thanks so much for the DD" gift....DH wants to talk to you about it!"

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