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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to ask his DSIS to return the gift.

206 replies

EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:04

DH and his sister have very little to do with each other. We have DTDs, she has a DD and we rarely see each other (our children have met twice and they are 11 and 9YO)

SIL has sent Christmas presents that we need to wrap. I’ve looked and she has bought the same for DTD2 as my mum has. It is something that DTD2 wants, and so I asked my mum to get it. DH, because he has little to do with his sister, wants me to ask my mum to return her gift but I don’t want to do that as I specifically asked her to get it for DTD2, and it’s just coincidence that SIL got it - she did not ask in advance what the girls might like, she’s just made a guess based on standard stuff 11 year olds are likely to be into.

So AIBU or is DH?

OP posts:
waterrat · 20/12/2017 21:52

It would be very rude and petty to actually ask your sister in law to change the gift.

You seem determined to think of the gift as thoughtless/ something she just clicked on from your sil instead of being pleased she made any effort.

Given you aren't close just politely tell her it was a great choice and sort out any returns or swaps yourself

PantPlot · 20/12/2017 21:52

Is it really 'thoughtful' if you told your mum to get it?

Richardnoone · 20/12/2017 21:52

You sound very angry at SIL and keep making comments about how ‘easy’ it is for her to buy gifts. She doesn’t have to buy for your kids you know, especially as you’re not that close anyway. I think you should stop being so ungrateful really.

NoMudNoLotus · 20/12/2017 21:53

@Nicknacky exactly!

Anyway i need to know what this gift is ... i still need ideas for my 12 yr old DD.

Can we have a clue?

PantPlot · 20/12/2017 21:53

Sorry x post.

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:53

Mum wanted to buy her something she specifically asked for. That’s what I mean.

OP posts:
Buglife · 20/12/2017 21:53

I actually think it’s more thoughtful to think about and choose a gift by yourself for someone without being told what to buy for them. Are you cross because she didn’t ask you exactly what to buy for for the twins but instead put some effort into looking for something herself?

quizqueen · 20/12/2017 21:54

Really, can't people make their own decisions about anything anymore without consulting the mumsnet oracle about every petty incident in their lives- it's not rocket science and probably happens in every family at least once somewhere down the line!

MyKingdomForBrie · 20/12/2017 21:55

I don’t see why you can’t get the receipt from your mum and take back the one SIL sent yourself, like welsh said on the first page. Your mum gets the credit and no one is upset.

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:55

It’s curling tongs. DTD2 wants some. DTD1 doesn’t. Sometimes I curl their hair for parties. DTD2 wanted to be able to do her own. So nothing mind blowing, but something she asked for.

OP posts:
GingerbreadMa · 20/12/2017 21:56

Return whichever one came with a gift recipt yourself, if no gift recipt: sell DISCRETELY online and give the money to DD. Open the other one, snap a pic of dd playing with it. Message pic to both givers: easy how have you adulted this far if this simple scenario is bamboozling you??

Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 21:57

I would say that was pretty thoughtful of SIL!

WhyOhWine · 20/12/2017 21:57

This is easy.
1 your mum give so DD the present she has bought and gets credit for the’thoughtful’ gift
2 your mum gives you her receipt, you exchange the gift SIL sent for something else and wrap it up as a present from SIL
3 you will need to tell DD in due course so that the thank you note makes sense to SIL but that can be done after boxIng day when your mum has received credit from DD.

diddl · 20/12/2017 21:59

Curling tongs for an 11yr old.

Nope, would never have got that as being a thing that 11yr olds are into!

MiltonTheChristmasCockroach · 20/12/2017 21:59

Your dislike for your SIL is palpable to be honest OP

Shit happens, presents get duplicated, nobody died.

I seriously dislike my SIL - even hearing her breathe annoys me - but I would find it hard to get worked up about this.

Original poster
EvilTwins · 20/12/2017 21:59

Buglife it’s not though, as she’s sent three things and we need to decide which thing we give to who. Actually, DTD2 would like all three and DTD1 won’t really want any of them as they’re all along the same lines (curling tongs, temporary hair dye and a book on how to be a glamorous goddess)

OP posts:
MrGrumpy01 · 20/12/2017 22:01

A few years back my sister very thoughtfully gave me a calendar, I had had one from dh as well. I obviously didn't need 2. I sat chewing it over in my head and decided I needed to stop being daft and just told my sister that I already had one and she sent me the receipt. We are still talking.

It kind of backfired as the next year I didn't get one at all.

I am guessing though that it isn't exactly the same product so you will be unable to take back the one from SIL with your Mum's receipt. I personally would just gift on the duplicate, give them the other 2 presents from your SIL and let your Mum give the one from hers.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 20/12/2017 22:02

Either

  1. Ask your Mum for her receipt and return one pair and get your daughter something else.
  1. Keep the gift to give as a birthday present to another child
  1. Ask for daughter what she wants to do
Yarboosucks · 20/12/2017 22:02

Well if SIL is on here, she will have recognised the gifts and will now know that her gift is not appreciated and that OP has a generally low opinion of her. Job done I'd say!

Nicknacky · 20/12/2017 22:02

Well that's the nature of Christmas. Someone puts thought into a gift, they don't always get it right but the thought is there.

Wish my in laws were as thoughtful. It upsets me they care so little for my kids.

Maybe I missed it but what did you do for her child?

MrGrumpy01 · 20/12/2017 22:04

Give the 2 gifts to DTD2 and get something else for DTD1 - explain to them the situation after Christmas.

My 11 yr old doesn't use curling tongs, mind I have enough of a battle to get her to use a brush.

rudolphslittlehelper · 20/12/2017 22:04

which are the best ones? keep those

PurpleCrazyHorse · 20/12/2017 22:04

My dad managed to buy via an Amazon wish list exactly the same gift as my mum bought DD for her birthday (it arrived unwrapped so I saw what it was). My parents are divorced so slightly tricky.

As I'm closer to my mum, I called her and explained what had happened and asked if I could return Dad's set using her Amazon account and get something else. Dad was none the wiser and mum still gave DD what she planned to. Easy.

No idea why you're making this so complicated especially as you don't really see SIL. Either do as mentioned many times above by using your mum's receipt to return SIL's gift, or just take it into the shop without a receipt for an exchange.

PantPlot · 20/12/2017 22:05

Surely that's easy then?

Give the tongs to your other daughter, and give one of the other presents to DTD2 instead. Then, after the event, ask your mum for her gift receipt to swap the tongs for something the 'other' twin (sorry) might like.

That way, not one person is offended.

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2017 22:06

Sorry, I know it's left field but I can't for thr life of me think what DTD is and I've never seen it used on mumsnet before other they for doing the deed.😳