To hate the "don't settle" fantasy.

[dizzycatdance2]

Bit jaded ATM so may have a clouded view, but I'm sick to death of the "don't settle" message.

Now , don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating staying in a dv /ea/fa etc relationship.

More the thought that if your current dp/bf has some "flaw" then get rid, get a better one, you deserve more, "don't settle". All ,in essence,good advice

Well I'm a 50 year old single mum to 4 teenage dcs, ex walked out 5 years ago, my physical appearance is heavily affected by scarring /severe skin condition.

In terms of OLD I'm just not " it" and in real life I just never , and I mean never, get approached.

I don't have the choice to "not settle" in the first f**king place.

Sorry for the rant, but the "it will happen when you least expect it", "there's plenty more fish..." Etc gets my goat, and it's usually said by those IN relationships.

I'm expecting all the "well if you were more positive" messages but if you were to meet me you'd think me (so friends have told me) happy,funny and generous,

why bother starting a thread if all you want if for someone to coddle you ..................wwwhhhaatttt..................are you on the right thread ??????.................................... I am saying the exact opposite of coddling, I want "society" to stop saying its easy to get a date at 50, it.just.isn't. ,........................................... And it's not that I have some illusion of how "awesome" i am (far,far from it) ................................................................... and you still won't give even a rough indication of your age , so what you know about the reality of dating 50+ is (in all likely hood) based on an IDEA , where as myself (and others in this thread) are LIVING it.

Good grief. This really is a case of "I'd call you a cunt, but you lack the warmth and depth". I can only assume that Water is an internet troll in the true sense of the word, namely someone who deliberately posts nasty stuff in order to get a rise out of people. I've been around MN for a looooong time, and I honestly don't think I've seen someone quite so gratuitously put the boot in before.

Prickly : I rarely post on mn maybe watery knows me IRL and has taken the opportunity to ", have a go" , oh well , its made for an "interesting" thread

I wouldn't take it personally dizzy - trust me, from an outsider's perspective (i.e. not having been on the receiving end of the vitriol myself- though I've no doubt that's about to change) he/she comes across as genuinely unhinged. For some reason to do with him/her (nothing to do with you and your situation) this topic has just pressed his/her buttons (maybe can't find a partner, maybe desperately trying to justify putting up with a partner who's a gobshite, maybe mentally ill) and he/she has just gone off on one.

It really isn't you, dizzy

Thanks prickly, I'm not bothered, watery is just soooooooo off the mark its just not "real"

Dizzy some people dont want to believe/know that its not simply about "putting yourself out there" and "loving yourself then others will love you" and other glib phrases.

They just sound scared to admit to themselves that that could be in their future!

It will happen when you least..

Oh never mind. I have a lovely cousin. She is really nice and respectful, good looking, normal posture, artistic, intelligent, chatty, spontaneous, well travelled woman. She isn't picky but is realistic (so wants a normal respectful guy to chat with) and she has been single for forever. I truly do not understand why.

Sorry OP, some people have bad luck or something.

Interesting thread.
I think it is unpredictable luck & anything you DO doesn't make any difference except help pass the time (like cramming before exams)
I started OLD at 50+ Hated it but kept coming back to it as seemingly no alternative. Often thought men my age wanted much younger women but found enough over time who didn't. I'm no oil painting either. TOO many one date wonders despite attempts at sifting. Gave up then DP who lived too far away for me to have looked contacted me. It is so random.

When people talk about being 'too fussy' do they mean we single women should not account for what we can offer ourselves?!

I actually experimented with settling once. No chemistry. Nice man but zero spark. I wondered if it would grow. It didnt.

I wont repeat that experiment but at least i know the reason im still single is not because im too fussy.