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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if it’s pathetic to live with parents aged 37?

317 replies

orangecloves · 01/12/2017 14:37

I just don’t like living on my own but I’ve had a few ‘jokey’ comments at work about it and I’m wondering if 2018 should be the year I fly free ...

OP posts:

RoryItsSnowing · 01/12/2017 14:40

Is there a reason you haven't left yet? I personally needed my own space/life away from my family as soon as I'd finished uni BT each to their own.

DullAndOld · 01/12/2017 14:40

it depends on the situation. If you and your parents enjoy each others company then why not?

I do find my 35 year old brother pathetic as he has never moved out of home and has pretty much the same lifestyle now as when he was a teenager. (smoking lots of pot, playing guitar, getting his 82 year dad to drive him to work)

At the same time he is judgemental and critical of other people's choices.

However if it suits you and your parents, then why not?

lou1221 · 01/12/2017 14:44

Personally, I left home at 19. I loved being independent and having my own space. I had to recuperate from surgery at my parents quite a few years ago. I hated it, I felt so claustrophobic.
My dh didn't leave home until late 30s when we got married, his parents were resentful of him moving.

ShatnersWig · 01/12/2017 14:48

I think you'd find a lot of children still live at home with parents who are aged 37... pedantic

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2017 14:49

If you don’t like living on your own don’t. Have you tried it?

Yes most adults need their own space, to have a life which includes friends over, partners over, doing what they wish, but if you can do that there or don’t feel the need for any of that, then stay put.

How do your parents feel about it?

hidinginthenightgarden · 01/12/2017 14:50

I think it depends on the circumstances.
DH best mate lives at home age 31 - his mum does his cooking, cleaning, pays his bills. HE contributes nothing and treats his mum like crap - pathetic.
My best friend (28) lives at home but lives independently if that makes sense. Eats with them sometimes but happily looks after herselve and contributes financially to the household - acceptable.

Peanutbuttercheese · 01/12/2017 14:53

I cant understand why anyone would want to unless they had health issues which makes it completely understandable or were too hard up to afford their own place.

When looking for a life partner if I had come across anyone that age who had never left that was totally able bodied it would have been a definite turn off.

HolyShet · 01/12/2017 14:54

have you never left?
have you left and returned?
pathetic? No so long as all are happy

IceFall · 01/12/2017 14:55

Well..... honestly yes. But if it works for you why change?

Original poster

orangecloves · 01/12/2017 14:55

I’ve tried living alone but I didn’t like it ... felt weird

OP posts:

Sidge · 01/12/2017 14:55

If my kids still lived at home at 37, barring homelessness, disability or illness, I'd wonder where I'd gone wrong.

If you don't want to live alone maybe look for a house share? I do think living with your parents when you're nearly 40 is weird, sorry.

Doobigetta · 01/12/2017 14:56

Depends- forced to return home because of a crisis- unfortunate and there but for the grace of god.... Never even tried making it on your own- pathetic, sorry.

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2017 14:56

The other thing would be, other than have you ever tried it, can you afford to live on your own?

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2017 14:57

I’ve tried living alone but I didn’t like it ... felt weird

In what way, and for how long did you try it?

Original poster

orangecloves · 01/12/2017 14:57

I don’t really want a house share - tried before and found it not very sociable and petty rows surfaced about stuff.

OP posts:

formerbabe · 01/12/2017 14:58

Depends on the reasons and the set up.

I'd think it pathetic if a perfectly healthy adult didn't contribute financially and help with housework, cooking, laundry etc.

If they work, socialise away from the family, contribute and pull their weight, then I don't think it's pathetic, though perhaps a little odd.

PinkBuffalo · 01/12/2017 14:58

As PPs have said it depends on circumstances. I don't really get snarky comments because everyone I work with knows I go home and then spend the evenings giving my dad a break from looking after my severely disabled mum. Having said that, I'm a bit younger than you, and will be moving out hopefully next year. I am however looking at houses not too far so I can still do everything I need to help my lovely dad. Luckily I can get a terrace not far from here for well under £200k, so with mortgage and savings it's doable. Maybe this would be an option for you too? But do it for you, don't worry about what colleagues think.

Wishingandwaiting · 01/12/2017 15:00

Not pathetic

But certainly not something to aspire to

PinkBuffalo · 01/12/2017 15:00

OP, I did house share too. It was ok but not something I want now I'm older, it would be a nightmare!

Original poster

orangecloves · 01/12/2017 15:01

I agree it’s not something to aspire to - ideally I’d live with my own family but since that hasn’t happened and I hate living alone this seems to be the best solution available to me at this time.

OP posts:

Chrys2017 · 01/12/2017 15:01

Everyone is different. Don't try to be so-called 'normal'—just do what makes you happy. Older adults living with parents is going to become more common as housing becomes less and less affordable, so just think of yourself as being ahead of the game!

Elllicam · 01/12/2017 15:03

I don’t think it’s bad as long as you are paying your way and everyone is happy with it.

MoistCantaloupe · 01/12/2017 15:04

You could find a flat mate to live with OP? Have you considered that option at all?

MoistCantaloupe · 01/12/2017 15:05

Sorry, my computer froze and comment took ages to load - you have tried a flat share!

DaisysStew · 01/12/2017 15:06

Not pathetic at all. You love your parents and enjoy their company, I don't see why it would be better for you to live alone and be miserable.

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