To wonder if it’s pathetic to live with parents aged 37?

[orangecloves]

I just don’t like living on my own but I’ve had a few ‘jokey’ comments at work about it and I’m wondering if 2018 should be the year I fly free ...

Living away from parents does make you independent in ways that think are impossible when you are living with them.

How you live your life is up to you. But anyone I know like this who has chosen this, is pretty unadventurous and does not like taking risks with life. Up to you, but I don't understand it at all.

**Not pathetic

But certainly not something to aspire to**

^This

I don't think it's pathetic. But then I think people who choose to live alone are a bit odd so I may be the minority 😁

tinysparklyshoes I'm looking at the early eighties in a small town. As I grew up it was very clear - people only moved out if they were moving for a job or getting married. Anything else was a source of gossip. As I said, I knew of only one youngish bloke who was on his own in a flat.

Are you not saving up whilst you're living there?! I'm surprised you don't have a deposit saved unless you're paying for everything.

That may be your experience Lisa but it is by no means universal enough for you to apply it generally.

I have debt robin so need to sort that.

Working class people in the past used to stay with parents until they got married, and often afterwards for quite a time. That is because housing was expensive and renting somewhere was often too expensive for them.

How much debt can you have if you work but live at home?

you haven't said if your parents are happy for you to live there. Do you pay your way properly?

It's not pathetic or odd, but I do think it would be fair to give your parents some space. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you all enjoy living together. I could very happily still live with my parents, and they were very sad when I left (only child). But they are so enjoying their life without me now, it's like they're young again and they're all in love and enjoying childfree time with just the two of them. I think it's an important stage in a marriage, finding that closeness again when it's just the two of you.

Years ago it was quite common. People didn't usually move away from home unless they got married. If it suits you and you get on with your parents then there are advantages. You could try renting a flat for say six months and see how you get on rather than buy somewhere and wish you hadn't. Not sure I'd recommend a flat share as it could be worse than living with parents. Flatmates can be an absolute pain.

Honestly, I suspect you are pretty immature if you live at home but have debts. But up to you and your parents.

Working class people in the past used to stay with parents until they got married, and often afterwards for quite a time

Again, you can't generalise this at all. My mother and most of her friends left home and moved to the city and lived in flatshares, we're talking late 60's here. My grandmother was a nurse and moved away to work in the 1940's. My great grandmother moved out of home to work in service a few decades before that.
None of them were unusual. SOME people stayed at home til they married, SOME did not.

If I'm honest I do think it is a bit. For how long did you try living alone?

Sorry to be morbid but one day your parents will no longer be here - what will you do then if not live alone? Move in with other relatives?

I wouldn't think it's odd if you were saving up for a deposit or something but if I was looking for a partner it would put me off if that wasn't the case. Sorry, just being honest.

I'm really close to my mum, by MN standards it may be 'weird' that we live virtually doors apart and I call in every day to have a coffee and chat but at the same time having the space of your own house is great.

I think it is very odd indeed. I don't want my children to be living with me when they are in their 30s. I would feel that I had failed as a parent, in not enabling them to move on as adults.

Yes - working class people did used to live at home until they got married, and then stay with parents for a few years before moving into a place of their own. My parents did this, but they were not 30somethings, they were in their early 20s, which was the norm for their generation.

I work with someone in her 40s who still lives with her parents. Like a previous poster, she socialises with them, goes on holiday with them every year. She would like to meet a man and get married, but in these circumstances, it's not going to happen. She has a younger sister who is married with kids, who finds this relationship with their parents really weird.

And how, unless you are paying a huge amount to your parents for rent, have you managed to run up debts??

Yes - working class people did used to live at home until they got married

Still no, no matter how many people say this as some kind of universal fact.

What do your parents think? Who does the laundry?

tinysparklyshoes should I stand in the corner and think about what I've done?

It's my experience and as far as I know it was pretty universal among all those I was at Uni as well. You stayed at home until you got married or got a job elsewhere. My experience at the time was also that while it wasn't impossible to 'live in sin' or have a child out of marriage, people still talked. Most were pretty accepting, but eyebrows were raised.

I think it's great that there are more options now, but with the rising costs of housing I wonder whether all those options will still be there when my 10 year old is ready to leave home.

"People have always moved out before they married, and those that didn't married much younger on the whole anyway."

Apart from those who went away to college most people I know from school, lived at home until they married or moved in with a partner. It's not unusual to be in your 30's and live at home, at least not where I live.

I do my own washing.

Whatever works for you! I wanted to stretch my wings at a certain age but now that I'm older I reckon it would be fairly blissful to live 'at home' (funny that I still refer to it as 'home' when I'm away, yet when I'm away I would refer to my own home as 'home'!!)

I do find my 35 year old brother pathetic as he has never moved out of home and has pretty much the same lifestyle now as when he was a teenager. (smoking lots of pot, playing guitar, getting his 82 year dad to drive him to work)

@dull are you my sister

Iwant to but I can’t, not because of parents obviously

You clearly don’t have to answer, and I know it’s personal, but why can’t you date op? Is there something you could get help with?

tinysparklyshoes should I stand in the corner and think about what I've done?

You could realise that other people have other experiences and your small town and your life is not the only thing out there?

It just isn't true as a generalisation, that's all. There has never been a time when all working class (or any others) have all stayed at home until they married. Some yes, others no.
Surely this is obvious?