To wonder if it’s pathetic to live with parents aged 37?

[orangecloves]

I just don’t like living on my own but I’ve had a few ‘jokey’ comments at work about it and I’m wondering if 2018 should be the year I fly free ...

My ds2 is still at home and 23, ds1 left home at 19, and dd13 has both eyes on the door now. She'll be off at 18 and back to visit.

They are all different, but personally I'd feel I'd failed one if they were still here at 30. I want them to be independant and managing their own lives.
Oh and marriage is far from normal, many things but not normal

But she’s not still there, she’s back there, after a decade away, which is very different.

Moving back in with parents at that age... yeah, it is a bit.

I moved out at 18 and I’d rather be in a bloody hostel than mooching off my parents in my 30s. If I met a bloke living with his parents I’d run a fucking mile!

If OP is in debt and her job doesn't pay a lot it makes financial sense to live with her parents, presuming there is enough room at home and she's paying towards food and bills.

However, I think OP should stop spending all her time at home, and give her parents their space. Don't stay home every night and every weekend, even if you're up in your room. They will feel sad and guilty that you don't have a life - spare them from having to see that.

yes it is .

Live your life the way you want too . Who cares what people say

It sounds like you didn’t post to ask people’s opinions on living with family but to talk about the negative cycle you feel you’re in.

Do you want things to change? The thing that made a difference to me was open ended therapy and finding the right House. I had to try a few therapists and a friend places to live until I found something that worked.

Maybe look at your resilience?

Who cares what anyone else thinks.

If you want to for any reason or no reason then do that.
Noones business!

Not something for me I left at eighteen. But none of anybody's business but yours and your parents.

I don't think it's pathetic, no.
It's pathetic that people think it's pathetic, actually, just because our society has brain washed us into thinking it's the done thing and nothing else is normal.

It's very desirable in other countries to stay living with parents (some live on another floor of the house, some do not) and the mental illness rates are lower.
If you think of the amount of (especially female) mammals that stay living with their mothers, it shows it's a pretty natural thing to do.
I think it goes against human nature to live completely alone. There are always the anomalies, of course, but how many of these have been brainwashed at a young age to outwardly demonstrate how 'independent' they are and how somehow this is a desirable and enviable trait.
It's completely different if people choose to live alone because of bad relationships with parents/health issues/poverty issues/etc.
I left home at 19 to move in with my boyfriend but if I hadn't married and had kids, I'd definitely be living with my mum.

No issue with families living together, although at that age wouldn't it normally be parents moving in with you rather than the other way around?

I didn’t leave home until I was 29. If you and your parents are happy with the arrangement then it’s nobody else’s business. I actually think it’s more pathetic to judge people’s lifestyle choices.

But the OP's headline showed she wanted this judged. AIBU is full of threads judging lifestyle choices. Go and join fluffy mums or something. I think she should have given more info to get more informed and sympathetic replies though but that applies to many threads

If it works for you all then I don’t see what’s wrong with it. Although for yourself I do think you should still be as independent as possible, such as paying your way in the home, cleaning up after yourself and helping with things like laundry and cooking meals, otherwise it’s less that you’re living with your parents and more that you’re living like a teenager still.

Tbh my DM and I always say how we’re going to get a little cottage together when my DS has grown up and moved on

Not pathetic if you pull your weight and help out round the house. Moving out as a single person is hideously expensive these days. Anyone who judges that has their own issues.

OP

Are you sure you haven't posted before? The language you use is very similar to this thread where the OP is 37 as well

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3053953-AIBU-to-wonder-why-I-have-never-had-a-boyfriend?pg=1&messages=100

not trying to "out" you, or anything just curious and btw - your choices are yours and not pathetic

I used to be pretty judgy about it, but I'm not anymore.

After I split with my ex I moved back in with my parents so I could save enough for a deposit for a house. This is where I am currently. I do have an end in sight, though.

So, to answer your original question, it's not pathetic, no.

I would only think it was pathetic if the person was not ill (physically or mentally) and didn't contribute as an adult (financially or just physically with cleaning/cooking) to the household. There should be a good reason someone, as an adult, doesn't contribute.

Reading further on in the thread, it does seem you're quite unhappy about your decision to stay though - can you set yourself achievable goals that might help you move out in the longer term?
I know you might have tried various things already, but could you look at what you eventually want, and take very small steps towards that rather than looking at it as big steps i.e. clear 25% of debt by X date, then 50% debt by X date etc.