To wonder if it’s pathetic to live with parents aged 37?

[orangecloves]

I just don’t like living on my own but I’ve had a few ‘jokey’ comments at work about it and I’m wondering if 2018 should be the year I fly free ...

[maggieryan]

Redskyatnight, why is it weird. She's not married and obviously enjoys her parents company, they're not around for ever so why not enjoy time she has with them. Wouldn't find it weird at all if I met someone who was still living at home, maybe because I'm originally from Dublin and a lot of people still live at home because rent is so expensive. Some of my friends still live with their parents and they're in their 30s. Stay there for as long as you're happy OP and don't worry what people think, you're happy and it works for you!

[MrsJayy]

My friend moved in with her mum after her dad died her mum wasn't elderly needing care or anything it just seemed to suit themr both

[Bombardier25966]

If you're all happy with the arrangement, then who cares what anybody else thinks?

Your parents aren't going to be around forever, enjoy every moment you can with them.

[tinysparklyshoes]

Honestly, yes I think it is a bit. And I feel sorry for parents whose children won't leave. Isn't 37 years enough for them to house you?

[Daisy17]

Completely normal in numerous other cultures. I also hate loving on my own and hate living with anyone who isn't family. I therefore married far too young, had some horrendous years of enforced loneliness/having to share space with strangers following my divorce and then thankfully met my wonderful current partner and have a family with him. We don't all fit in one box. Go with whatever makes you feel at peace in your life and ignore other people.

[brasty]

Which is why house shares exist. Lots of people can't afford to buy or rent on their own.

[orangecloves]

No I get that. And it’s fine if you’ve no alternative. But to me I can share a house with people I don’t know and have arguments about stupid stuff and it’s not very nice .. or live in a familiar place with people I do know.

[Dustbunny1900]

Idk how you deal, personally..my parents would drive me batty and my dad and I would be at each other's throats within a week!
As an adult I crave my own space, my own rules, etc. isn't it awkward bringing guys over?
It's not "pathetic" unless you are living off them. Just different.

[Nyx1]

However, I now think that whatever arrangement makes people happy is the one they should go with. If your parents aren't happy with it, it's different, but if you get on well and think it's fine, go ahead.

I have only ever flatshared with friends, I can't imagine flatsharing with strangers either.

my sister falls in the camp that would firmly disapprove of this - she thinks it's a sign of dependence on parents and what happens when they die etc. but I don't live with my mum and I'm dreading when she's gone, so in a way, what difference does it make? As long as everyone pulls their weight as an adult....I'd imagine you'd end up caring for them rather than the other way round anyway?

[LisaMed1]

With house prices and rents going they way they are I can see ds staying with us for a long time. I think we are going to see people not being able to move out for financial reasons.

It's not that long ago that people only moved out when they married. I remember being quite shocked hearing about a single twenty-something who had their own flat, as it was so unusual.

[Bluntness100]

Do you date op, have friends, live independantly to them in all but roof, contribute your fair share, or you do you still live pretty much as you did a teenager?

[Nyx1]

missed a bit from the start of my post - I used to think people who did this were odd...not anymore.

[Nicknackpaddywack16]

Fly free

[orangecloves]

I don’t live as I did as a teenager in the way you mean, I don’t think.

I do have some friends but I don’t date. I want to but I can’t, not because of parents obviously.

[ILoveDolly]

I think the answer might be to try and live with a friend. I'm afraid most people would find living with their parents extremely restrictive and so, despite you being happy, project that onto you. So, you will find people have a perception on you that might not be correct based purely on the fact that you live at home.
My db lives at home and I worry that he is not living his fullest life just because he has to live in my mother's house, her rules etc That does keep you dependent in subtle ways. You might find that living alone or with a similar friend opens up ways of being and opportunities you had not thought of. Our parents have an idea of us but perhaps we need space away from them to fully develop our ideas of ourselves. Just a thought. If you really love it and it suits you then you'll have to just put up with the misconceptions of your colleagues

[LisaMed1]

Mind you, it was agreed among the family that the safe distance between my mother and I was @ 100 miles, and I could never share a house with her. I managed to get away when I got to university, which was considered acceptable and I just refused to move back. I can't imagine me being able to get away otherwise.

Father came to live with us a few years before he died, and that worked out really well for all of us. I think a lot depends on the people involved.

[orangecloves]

My friends are all living with their partners. I don’t know anyone who lives alone. Everyone lived with parents then university then either back with parents or with partner but I haven’t got a partner of course.

[bespawler]

I don't really understand why anyone wouldn't want their own space and independence at that age tbh. I'd understand it if they were caring for a relative or if it was a short term measure because a relationship had ended but otherwise it'd be weird to me.

On a related but irrelevant note, I know a 33 year old that has a child with someone but still lives with his parents, pays them £100 a month, gets everything paid for and does a few "chores" for them each week like doing their laundry. His relationship with the kid's mum ended because he didn't want to move into her house and take on some responsibility for paying bills or being a grown up. Crazy.

[Queeniebed]

I knew someone in their 40s who lived with her parents. Big house so they essentially lived separately - bit like a granny flat. I would never call her sad - she paid her way and was happy with it. If you scrounge off your parents completely - thats a different story - but doesnt seem to be the case with you.

[tinysparklyshoes]

It's not that long ago that people only moved out when they married

When was that then? People have always moved out before they married, and those that didn't married much younger on the whole anyway.

[orangecloves]

I think because I couldn’t afford my own place I can’t see any real advantages to moving out.

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

I don’t see the problem if you are living there as an adult. If I split up with DP I would probably consider splitting my time between my place on my own and at my mums (I do like my own space but not all the time). I think my ideal would be a house next to hers so I can have best of both worlds

[peachgreen]

How do your parents feel about it?

[ChocolateRaisin09]

I think its really unlikely you'll find a partner while living at home. Also most people need to learn to look after themselves first and be independent.

I know someone still at home at nearly 40, and it makes me so sad. Not only does she live with them but her whole social life is with them and their friends in their 60s. She alternates between acting like a teenager and a 66 year old. She takes on their opinions and hobbies. She goes on holidays with them sometimes even sharing a bed with her mum. As a PP said she has a single bed and posters on the wall, and collects toys and figurines. She has a well paid job and plenty of money. No special needs but very anxious, which I think would be remedied by real life experience. I wonder sometimes if her parents have kept her this way, but surely at some point you realise you're in control of your own life?
I am so sad for her. When I've asked (gently) before she has said she is hoping for "a man to come along". I just don't think a man will be interested at all

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

^^ and by living as an adult I mean not expecting parents to baby you (pay bills etc)