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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think gender alters the perception of what is said on MN?

507 replies

1DAD2KIDS · 26/11/2017 11:00

I use a username that clearly identifies my gender (and is also my biological sex). Often I feel that if people assumed I was a woman their response would be different. Or if you swapped the genders around some people's responses would be completely different?

OP posts:
Angelalley · 26/11/2017 11:01

your clever
i can't see how people are dressed on mn,

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/11/2017 11:02

Absolutely NBU. The double standards on here can be staggering.

munkynutts · 26/11/2017 11:03

Ive read a lot of money based threads around lately where a lot of women are taking the "it works for us, we see it as our shared money" line when then all of a sudden if the woman is the main earner costs and fairness get much more closely examined. Which is fair enough if there are kids involved, but when no kids, maybe not.

SongforSal · 26/11/2017 11:04

Happens in real life to. I wear a security tag at work with picture I'd. A colleuge told me I looked 'regal' in my picture. When I mentioned it to Dp, he wanted to know if it was a male or female that said it as the meaning would be different. I was a bit wtf. And no, didn't tell him as it's irrelevant.

wheresmyphone · 26/11/2017 11:08

Yes I agree. It does happen.

FeelingAggrieved · 26/11/2017 11:10

YANBU.

FlashTheSloth · 26/11/2017 11:11

YANBU. There are huge double standards on here and there are many posts that will try and look for a way to make something a mans fault. I've pointed it out on threads before that if it had been a woman posting the responses would have been different, usually in relationships.

WorraLiberty · 26/11/2017 11:12

YANBU, it happens a lot.

BigDeskBob · 26/11/2017 11:13

Pick a different name?

TrojansAreSmegheads · 26/11/2017 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2017 11:15

Perhaps time for a name change?

ColonelJackONeil · 26/11/2017 11:18

I'm not really Colonel Jack O'Neill. Or am I?

munkynutts · 26/11/2017 11:22

I also think it happens with sex a lot. If a man wants more sex from his partner or wife he's a pest, but if reversed, often it's assumed he's uncaring or cheating.

HAVING SAID THAT it's often because sadly women are still more often than not the victims in unfair setups. So yes there may be bias, but its for a reason.

FreudianSlurp · 26/11/2017 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellyfrizz · 26/11/2017 11:25

Well, yeah. That's because people treat men and women differently for no good reason.

BigDeskBob · 26/11/2017 11:29

Have you ever thought it might be what you say and nothing all to do with your capitalised username?

PhilODox · 26/11/2017 11:32

If you want different answers, change your name. No-one assumes I'm a man... probably because I post from a woman's PoV.

Kidsarekarma · 26/11/2017 11:33

So yes there may be bias, but its for a reason.

^^This

YABU - if it bothers you pick a neutral NN.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 26/11/2017 11:35

Yanbu

PinkHeart5914 · 26/11/2017 11:36

Yanbu, Absolutely to some on here the minute a man does anything it’s hang him. Even sometimes if the op doesn’t say if her dp is Male or female the responses assume it’s a man and when she says she’s actually in a Same sex realtionship you do see the responses change.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 26/11/2017 11:38

So yes there may be bias, but its for a reason

This. In some cases the sex is relevant, but not all.

I agree about the sex pest double standard though.

Kpo58 · 26/11/2017 11:39

YANBU.

The amount of times you see someone asking advice on a partner who is abusive to the children and response goes along the lines of:

Male abuser - female partner must LTB for everyones protection

Female abuser - she must be struggling/having MH issues. You need to help and support her more.

1DAD2KIDS · 26/11/2017 11:41

Well I love the mansplaining thing (often in absence of another argument). Things like 'Glad to are here to mansplain to all us women'. Which is bollocks. I like many others want to communicate in detail my point sometimes. It has nothing to do with any perception of gender/sex of the people in the conversation. They would clearly not say this to anyone they thought was a woman. I see other poster give detailed responses but I don't see them as womansplaining or being patronising based on perceptions of gender. It's a conversation ffs and they are trying to make a point. Although we all have different perceptions on things to some my mere visibility as a man on here is like a red rag to a bull.

OP posts:
CuteKinn · 26/11/2017 11:41

Yanbu

MephistophelesApprentice · 26/11/2017 11:44

Definitely, but it's not just the username that clues people into your gender.

I'm going to specify gender here as I'm sure that writing styles aren't just a product of biological sex, though I'm sure mine is heavily influenced by my neurostructural deviation.