To think gender alters the perception of what is said on MN?

[1DAD2KIDS]

I use a username that clearly identifies my gender (and is also my biological sex). Often I feel that if people assumed I was a woman their response would be different. Or if you swapped the genders around some people's responses would be completely different?

[SophoclesTheFox]

It's got nothing to do with your screen name. If you changed it, you'd still have the same opinions, and the same style of putting your point across.

Nobody actually thinks I'm a fox.

(do they?).

[Juicyfruitloop]

YANBU, There are some very obvious double standards on some issues, but overall the advice and support on here is brilliant, from Women and men alike.

[Ebony69]

Absolutely agree with you, OP. Sometimes the double standards is staggering. Having said that, I’m noticing more often that this hypocrisy is now being challenged more robustly.

[SheilaTurnip]

Manplaining is bollocks? And you wonder why you perceive you arent recieved well

[SheilaTurnip]

and for the record, i'm a turnip. Not a sheila.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Yes, there definitely is a bias and if you're a man, your posts will most likely be scrutinised through that filter and you won't get away with saying things that a woman automatically would. For example, I posted on a thread in the Sex topic about some underwear with the obviously male poster wanting to know what was included. He was berated and the thread deleted. I posted on another thread in the same topic about a sex toy and that's fine apparently. Threads should be judged and deleted on 'merit', not because of the sex of the poster.

That bias though is, I suspect, because it's always been very much a 'man's world' and most, if not everything, is set up for the convenience of men. That's a positive and enduring bias in your favour right there. You're also posting on a site that is predominantly made up of women which means that the filter here is unmistakably female and understanding is therefore easier for women. Also, often less jarring.

That said, I've come across some dreadful women on this site who I wouldn't want to know in RL, but I post here because that's tempered with some truly awesome posters (most actually), who offset the nastiness and I love posting alongside them.


So, you're not wrong about the bias but if it bothers you then pick a different name so that assumptions won't be made about you from it. It's not difficult to do that and it will remove any instant judgements of 'mansplaining' or jumping to conclusions about your motives for posting.

Up to you but, if you post like a man and you have a username that sounds as if you are a man, you'll be treated as one and, from what I've seen, it won't be positive, it will be - at best - tolerated.

[WorraLiberty]

It has definitely improved a little bit over the years Ebony.

When I joined nearly 7 years ago, the sexism was quite staggering really and the tiny minority who would point it out, were normally jumped on.

[Battleax]

You picked the name.

Deliberately, presumably.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

'Mansplaining' does not mean 'a man explaining'. It is not frustration that the voice belongs to a man. It means a man explaining to women something that those women are experts in, and doing it in a way where he believes he is educating them as if he knows more than they do.

I have seen men explain PND, periods, pregnancy and menopause on here lately. Most of the time they've got it wrong.

If you, as a man, try to 'educate' women about women's issues you throughly deserve to be called a mansplainer.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Sheila, that's not what 1DAD said though, is it? Just that he wants to get a point across sometimes.

Bloody hell, some posters really do behave as if they own this board because they're women and therefore are the arbiters and controllers of absolutely everything.

[user1495832265]

Moaning about accusations of mansplaining but doesn't understand what mansplaining actually is.

[user1495832265]

Oh and yy to what Battleax said.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

yy Cherry. There are some things that a man will never have experience of because they are not a woman and therefore explaining those things from a man's perspective is very irritating.

[SheilaTurnip]

I understood him very well actually.
He thinks he is not mansplaining, just getting his point across in a certain amount of detail.

I disagree.

This man must love these girls jumping ot his defence
well done sonny jim

[user1495832265]

I didn't mean you, Sheila. I was referring to the OP. Should have made myself more clear, sorry

[SheilaTurnip]

well done cherry. perfectly put.

[OnionKnight]

YANBU, the double standards are infuriating. The were two threads recently where the genders were reversed and the thread where the partner was male had completely different posts compared to the female one.

It happens a lot.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Sheila... If I misunderstood what you said then apologies. Is there EVER a point at which a man can say something without accusations of 'mansplaining'? Because if not then the argument is diluted and a bit pointless.

... and I'm not a 'girl', haven't been for many years so don't be such a patronising arse.

[SheilaTurnip]

sorry user, I knew you meant OP.
I was refering to Lying refering to me, as not getting what OP meant.

Unfortuntely because you are right, he doesnt get it, he wont get it and just thinks waaah waaaah my gender means here I get treated differently.

[SheilaTurnip]

Lying.

I used to word girl not at you, but to reflect what users like the OP usually feel about women.

Yes you misunderstood me but dont apologies, I'm not offended or worried its a chat board,

[Tsundoku]

But 'mansplaining' isn't defined by intention alone. Just because you've decided you're not mansplaining doesn't mean you're not being condescending, or going through an issue in elaborate detail to people who're already well-informed, or speaking in that persistent, vexed, faux-polite or belligerent way to someone who's (shock horror) refusing to concede to your view.

Gender-neutral relationship advice is all very nice, polite and well-balanced, too, but it requires us all to deliberately ignore the historic and current power imbalances between men and women. Women are more likely to be killed or assaulted by their male partners; they're more likely to be the victims of sexual coercion and violence; women with children have experienced a biological change which may alter their sex life; women are more likely to be primary carers for infants and young kids; women are more likely to be sole primary carers if a relationship breaks down... etc etc.

None of us know each other or the true specifics of our situations. So, yes, population-level behaviour patterns and inequalities are going to influence advice. I can see how it's frustrating, if you're a perfectly decent person, to feel like the shitty behaviour of others is affecting how you're treated - but I don't think the answer is asking everyone else to pretend that shittiness doesn't happen.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Don't be disingenuous, Sheila, you used the term in the same post that you've clarified you were referring to me in.

Is this how it goes? I don't know what 'group' has now descended on the thread but I've lost interest so I'll go and don my pink frilly apron...

[SheilaTurnip]

Anyway, fact is the OP decided to use the word dad in capital letters.
Says something.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

x-posted with you Tsundoku, my last post wouldn't have included yours.

[SheilaTurnip]

ARGH
I had used the same post to go onto something different.

Making a point of the OP disappearing and women arguing.
etc etc