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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think gender alters the perception of what is said on MN?

507 replies

1DAD2KIDS · 26/11/2017 11:00

I use a username that clearly identifies my gender (and is also my biological sex). Often I feel that if people assumed I was a woman their response would be different. Or if you swapped the genders around some people's responses would be completely different?

OP posts:
NewStartAgainReallyThisTime · 01/12/2017 17:05

Reading the last dozen or so posts, it's clear than the men here listen carefully and respond politely. They have a very calm and considered approach.

The same cannot be said of (some of) the female posters who are throwing out accusations and insults (that the men are ignoring and rising above). These women are acting in the way they are accusing the men of acting.

Interesting.

Elendon · 01/12/2017 17:13

The problem with some men posting here (not all the men though), is that they really do tl:dr posts.

Granted there are on AIBU, posters who offer biscuits at the drop of a hat and will argue till the end of time regarding their point.

Most posters on here though, and let's face facts the vast majority of those are female, will be kind and helpful. I have gleaned so much knowledge from this website.

A big thanks to all you women who give so generously of your time, your advice and your experience.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/12/2017 17:20

"That's because we're evil feminist harridans, obviously. Man haters if you will."

Cripes, @LassWiTheDelicateAir, maybe I should have put JOKE after this just to be clear. It was an attempt at light hearted humour - I didn't think anyone would take it seriously.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/12/2017 17:21

@NewStartAgainReallyThisTime what's your conclusion or theory based on your observations?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 01/12/2017 17:25

Cripes, @LassWiTheDelicateAir, maybe I should have put JOKE after this just to be clear. It was an attempt at light hearted humour - I didn't think anyone would take it seriously

It is a stance which I have seen too often to be funny- the pretence that everyone is being horrible to feminists.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/12/2017 17:28

Peope being horrible to feminists is really rare.

GunnyHighway · 01/12/2017 17:31

I don't like men, generally, as it happens. The main reason I am attracted to MN is because it is predominantly female.
White, middle-class, straight males, specifically. Mostly tedious, predictable, whiney

I'm not sure if you gave the op what he wanted or were looking for a reaction. Either way you just looked like a total bellend.

DadDadDad · 01/12/2017 17:41

Seriously though, do you wonder why some posters might behave that way? I wonder what could cause them to do that?

Assassinated - I said earlier that it would be good to hear the answers to that from those who behave that way (ie treat male posters with a higher level of scrutiny / scepticism / cynicism).

Sensi indicated it's because she hates men, so presumably doesn't trust them to present honest arguments. Is that a fair summary?

Pumperthepumper · 01/12/2017 17:49

DadDadDad I answered that. I have no problem whatsoever with men posting. But posting under the guise of understanding women better then refusing to acknowledge the answer, I have no time for.

Elendon · 01/12/2017 17:51

It is a stance which I have seen too often to be funny- the pretence that everyone is being horrible to feminists.

Well I've not seen it and I hang around the feminist boards like yourself Lass

I have read some of your posts regarding everyday sexism in which you have said you have never witnessed such an occurrence and that it has never happened to you.

Swings and roundabouts. Eh?

Elendon · 01/12/2017 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elendon · 01/12/2017 17:53

Sorry DadDadDad

I'm going to report my post. Will post later!

DadDadDad · 01/12/2017 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/12/2017 18:04

You'd have to ask Sensi, DadDadDad, if that's an accurate summary of her individual feelings.

I don't care if men post, if they behave as normal posters do. For me, there is no need to announce you're a man unless it's directly relevant which is not usually the case. Because it doesn't matter what your sex is, unless you make it a problem.

DadDadDad · 01/12/2017 18:08

I have no problem whatsoever with men posting. But posting under the guise of understanding women better then refusing to acknowledge the answer, I have no time for.

That I can understand. But what about when a man first posts and hasn't demonstrated the behaviour you describe - do you immediately treat that with additional suspicion (in the way I assume Sensi does given her strong feeling about men)?

DadDadDad · 01/12/2017 18:12

Sorry, Assassinated, I could have been clearer - I meant "is that also an accurate summary of how you respond to male posters?"

For me, there is no need to announce you're a man unless it's directly relevant which is not usually the case. Because it doesn't matter what your sex is, unless you make it a problem.

Agreed. Does having a "Dad" username equate to "announcing you're a man" in your mind?

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/12/2017 18:15

Yes! Because it's a fair bet that you're a man...

UsedtobeFeckless · 01/12/2017 18:16

It's more the "Laydeez! I am here to enrich your conversations with my Manly Perspective!" that sometimes creeps into proceedings that puts my back up - that said though, most blokes on here are fine ...

Pumperthepumper · 01/12/2017 18:16

That I can understand. But what about when a man first posts and hasn't demonstrated the behaviour you describe - do you immediately treat that with additional suspicion (in the way I assume Sensi does given her strong feeling about men)?

No, why would I? If a man posted on say, the baby boards about his ff baby not gaining weight, I’d happily give him the same advice I’d give a woman.

I do think it’s odd though, that a man would choose an obviously gendered nn, on a predominately female website - then deny that they think sex is relevant. I know NAM do that here but I struggle to believe it’s just thoughtlessness to those who do.

Pumperthepumper · 01/12/2017 18:18

For me, there is no need to announce you're a man unless it's directly relevant which is not usually the case. Because it doesn't matter what your sex is, unless you make it a problem.

Sorry, this by Assassinated is much more succinct than mine.

Pumperthepumper · 01/12/2017 18:19

Sorry again, stupid phone. I totally agree with that statement. Exactly that.

Elendon · 01/12/2017 18:27

But you quoted me anyway, after I specifically withdrew the post and posted after that I was going to self report it.

@DadDadDad.

Perhaps I won't engage with you in a discussion after all.

Sensimilla · 01/12/2017 19:07

But what about when a man first posts and hasn't demonstrated the behaviour you describe

That's the whole point, though. I've never seen it happen. Men always 'demonstrate the behaviour'...it's obvious from posting style, not username, who is male

Sensimilla · 01/12/2017 19:10

I don't 'hate a sub-section of society'

I'm just bored by their dominance and entitlement. I really enjoy conversations, where they aren't; because it doesn't happen often

LineysRunner · 01/12/2017 19:28

To be pedantic, Sensimila wrote 'don't like' not 'hate'.

Please don't misquote her.