To be a annoyed that hubby will give banter but not take!

[melclaire1111]

So hubby is really good at giving banter. He will think of nothing of insulting people to their face and is often quite harsh. Even with me. He will think nothing of calling me fat, stupid, ugly, a loser etc. This morning he called me a retard because I couldn't reverse into a space properly, but i just ignore him.

When we argue he is also particularly nasty, and will call me some horrible names and accuse me of being a horrible person, and a bad mother etc.

So today is the first Saturday since DC was born 17 months ago that I'm out for a few hours on a Saturday and leaving DC with daddy. (I work full time mon-fri so saturdays are normally mine and dc's day as daddy goes to football every week so i'm not really looking forward to this afternoon)

Hubby knows some of the girls going today and speaks to them more than me. This morning he said be careful what i say to one of them as they're not talking to him, so I jokingly said oh i'll moan about u all afternoon as they Don't like u anyway! I realosed it sounded harsh as soon as i said it and apologised but hes now in a massive strop, called me a horrible and vindictive person and hasn't spoken to me for hours! I've apologised several time, it honestly wasn't meant to be that harsh but he doesn't want to know!

So am I being unreasonable or should he learn to accept banter as well?

YANBU. He sounds awful, an absolute twat. You might call insults "banter" but I call it abuse and there is no way I'd be with someone who called me names, especially when they couldn't handle the "banter" back.

YANBU. If you dish it out you have to expect it back.

He sounds like an absolute moron.

Do OHs family behave like this, too? Sometimes it's hard to see that it is abusive behaviour if he has been subjected to it all his life.

You need to talk to him seriously. He won't believe you at first, and he will try to brush you off but you really cannot go on like this - do you want your DC to grow up speaking to people that way too?

YANBU at all. He sounds like an abusive turd to be honest. Do you want to stay with such a vile bastard?

I agree with Bollocks too. That really isn't banter, it's abusive insults.

At what point is the 'banter' line crossed if he can get away with all of his awfulness?!

YABU to put up with it.

YANBU to think he should have a thicker skin if he's so generous with his insults.

His family aren't like it, in fact the way he speaks to mum at times is awful. They commented on something he was doing the other day and his reaction was to tell her to go away in not very pleasant terms. He has reduced his mum to tears on more than several occassions.

Tbh i Didn't realise how bad it was until we had DC, as I've always let it slide but I'm noticing more and more how bad he can be, but if i, or anyine tries to give him banter back, he'll strop and walk out

Calling someone fat ugly and stupid is not banter, its abuse.

Calling you a retard is not really banter is it....I can't imagine that said in an amusing or fun way.

A wolf in sheeps clothing

Open your eyes OP

I don't think I could live with that in a man

“Really good at giving banter”
No, he’s a horrible ignorant piece of shit.
I hate the whole “banter” thing, it’s a word people use to excuse being a cunt, and if you’re offended it’s you that’s in the wrong Coz “it’s only banter”.
It’s bullying and wankerism.... full circle back to your husband again there.

Banter? He sounds a prize cunt to me.

What an absolute tool and it won't be long until your DC notice his abuse. He'll prob be the same with them under the disguise of 'banter'.

That's not banter.

Your husband is verbally aggressive and a jerk. He gets away with being an abusive arsehole by telling you its banter and you should think its funny. Do you think its funny when he calls you names or does it hit you? Because then it isn't banter.

If he is still sulking , ignore him. If he comments point out its perfectly fine for him to say stuff like, you've apologized, that's the end of it

He must be a very angry person, but that is absolutely no justification for him routinely insulting and humiliating you. You need to speak to him and if he wont listen then I am afraid that you might have some difficult plans to make. What a nasty piece of work.

Isn't banter meant to be witty in some way. He just sounds like he's saying really horrible stuff. I wouldn't call that banter.

Why are you with this bastard?

I recall a wise elderly lady saying to me watch the relationship with their mother.
If he's a horrible to his mum. He'll be a horrible to his wife.

'Banter' grow up

It’s not banter, it’s abusive. Don’t let this stop you going out today, I suspect that’s his aim. Stop apologising too, you have nothing to apologise for.

Being a nasty cunt is not “banter”. Let this carry on and your children will grow up thinking it’s normal for their father to persistently direct insults at their mother. Are you ok with that? I wouldn’t be.

Think ahead a little bit, to when your DC starts to say things like this to other kids at playgroup or school.
Will you, and the other parents and teachers, be okay with that?

I agree with slowtrain, I bet half the fuss is that he wants to ruin your outing today.