To be a annoyed that hubby will give banter but not take!

[melclaire1111]

So hubby is really good at giving banter. He will think of nothing of insulting people to their face and is often quite harsh. Even with me. He will think nothing of calling me fat, stupid, ugly, a loser etc. This morning he called me a retard because I couldn't reverse into a space properly, but i just ignore him.

When we argue he is also particularly nasty, and will call me some horrible names and accuse me of being a horrible person, and a bad mother etc.

So today is the first Saturday since DC was born 17 months ago that I'm out for a few hours on a Saturday and leaving DC with daddy. (I work full time mon-fri so saturdays are normally mine and dc's day as daddy goes to football every week so i'm not really looking forward to this afternoon)

Hubby knows some of the girls going today and speaks to them more than me. This morning he said be careful what i say to one of them as they're not talking to him, so I jokingly said oh i'll moan about u all afternoon as they Don't like u anyway! I realosed it sounded harsh as soon as i said it and apologised but hes now in a massive strop, called me a horrible and vindictive person and hasn't spoken to me for hours! I've apologised several time, it honestly wasn't meant to be that harsh but he doesn't want to know!

So am I being unreasonable or should he learn to accept banter as well?

No doubt he'll be ruining your first day out in months at the moment

Coincidence? I doubt it

that doesnt sound like banter to me. That sounds like him being a proper cunt. Banter is two-way and a bit of fun. Him insulting you and calling you vile names, yet not even able to take a bit of a joke back is definitely not banter.

I'm with Magic.
You don't want your son to grow up thinking its okay to abuse women, well not just women men, too.

Has he started using banter insults and abuse to your DC?

banter - noun
the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.
"there was much good-natured banter"
synonyms; repartee, raillery, ripostes, sallies, swordplay, quips, wisecracks, crosstalk, wordplay

Your DH sound like a thick
Buy him a dictionary for Christmas.

Another abusive prick who veils his comments and claims it is 'banter'. He does not really like you at all does he, or women in general probably.

He sounds hateful and just like my parents who loving dishing out “amusing” insults but sulk for years - yes really! If you give any back.

I recognise your username from your previous thread and it’s not a surprise to see that he is ask so an abusive taunt. It’s clear why your friends don’t like him

Why are you with him not only does he do nothing he is aggressive and abusive

Yup, that's waaay past banter.

Wtf do you keep apologising?

You probably were telling the truth!

So, make sure he can't find/contact you to ruin your time out.

He has low self-esteem and sounds like a bully. I agree that his comments are not banter. Banter is witty.

Is the girl you mention not talking to him because he has been 'bantering' with her too?

I also think this is a case of truth in jest with your comment and actually people do not like him due to his manner. Rather than joke tell him for real and give him time to dwell on it. Do not apologise for being honest with him and if he sulks it is his problem.

This is one of these threads where the OP thinks they have one small dilemma but it turns out there is a huge problem.
Sorry, OP, your H is behaving horribly.

You know he's Unreasonable. You know it's not "banter". I banter with DH occasionally, he gives me the same back, but neither of us verbally abuses the other because it's just arsehole behaviour. I'd be giving him some ultimatums shortly.

Go out tonight and enjoy your time with your friends. Whatever you do, don't pander to his bullshit by cancelling or feeling like shit; that's precisely what the man toddler in your life is hoping for.

It’s only banter if both people find it funny.

NOne of what you’ve described is banter. If DH spoke to me like that, he’d have been long gone. If my daughter ended up with someone like that I’d wonder how I messed up in teaching her what to expect in terms of how people spoke to her. Does he speak to his male mates in the same way? Work colleagues? I expect not v

not banter - it's abuse!

Stop apologizing and get him to apologize!

This is not banter. Hes a nasty little prick and now hes trying to ruin your day out.
Eurgh how do you live with such a nasty cunt? Bin him off.

Why isn't your friend talking to him? Presumably down to more of his hilarious banter? Hardly surprising your friends don't like him.
He needs to take a look at himself.

What's unreasonable is that you don't seem to even recognise that your 'hubby' is an abusive twat. You're not looking forward to going out for the first time in months? I'm guessing that it's because this abusive twat is going to punish you for his missing the football. And the women you're going with? They don't speak to him because they've twigged what an abusive wanker he is.

He's a woman-hating shit.

He's insulting to people's faces? I'm surprised some guy hasn't punched him out.

Not banter. How will you feel about this when he says this stuff to your child. It will crush them and their dreams and ambition. Seriously bad for their self esteem. Horrible man.

"I'm noticing more and more how bad he can be, but if i, or anyine tries to give him banter back, he'll strop and walk out"

This is not 'banter' - it's plain old verbal abuse.
He may well refer to his verbal abuse as banter but that doesn't make it so. Banter is reciprocal and warm. Your dh simply sounds like a cunt.

What you're describing is not banter, your husband sounds like a twat-does he have any good points?

No. Not banter. Don't put up with it for your sake and for your children. He will turn his abusive tongue to them soon.

I fucking hate banter. And that's not banter. He's just insulting you and demeaning you.

Definitely not banter. Does he do it with blokes? He's after ruining your day out. Ex was the same. Note the ex.