To be a annoyed that hubby will give banter but not take!

[melclaire1111]

So hubby is really good at giving banter. He will think of nothing of insulting people to their face and is often quite harsh. Even with me. He will think nothing of calling me fat, stupid, ugly, a loser etc. This morning he called me a retard because I couldn't reverse into a space properly, but i just ignore him.

When we argue he is also particularly nasty, and will call me some horrible names and accuse me of being a horrible person, and a bad mother etc.

So today is the first Saturday since DC was born 17 months ago that I'm out for a few hours on a Saturday and leaving DC with daddy. (I work full time mon-fri so saturdays are normally mine and dc's day as daddy goes to football every week so i'm not really looking forward to this afternoon)

Hubby knows some of the girls going today and speaks to them more than me. This morning he said be careful what i say to one of them as they're not talking to him, so I jokingly said oh i'll moan about u all afternoon as they Don't like u anyway! I realosed it sounded harsh as soon as i said it and apologised but hes now in a massive strop, called me a horrible and vindictive person and hasn't spoken to me for hours! I've apologised several time, it honestly wasn't meant to be that harsh but he doesn't want to know!

So am I being unreasonable or should he learn to accept banter as well?

You're right, pictish

Bloody hell. Exactly what joy, comfort, partnership does he bring to your relationship? He speaks to you like crap and does it in front of your children. What kind of environment is that for them?

My DP would never ever ever speak to me like that.Or his mum. Or anyone else for that matter. It's not normal OP.

And totally agree with what a pp said - I bet he doesn't talk like that to men especially men bigger than him. He's a bully and a coward. He abusive. Open your eyes.

Why do you think?

I think I was asking a rhetorical question. But thanks for the briefing anyway.

Don't be like that. If you already know the answer, don't ask. It only scorns the OP when she's doing her best in a really difficult situation.

Don't be like that. If you already know the answer, don't ask

We’re going to have to differ there.

It only scorns the OP when she's doing her best in a really difficult situation.

I wasn’t trying to scorn the OP at all. That’s your interpretation.

OP. Just. God.

How can you bear being with such a person? You must be on eggshells all the time, feeling like crap all the time,hoping to jolly him out of his moods all the time.

It's him, not you.

And I am willing to bet that if you asked for the unvarnished truth about how they feel, your dad could tell you some things.(You are not listening to your friends yet anyway).

Please consider your options. You are in a living hell.

If you say so Butchy.

OP - this thread has probably been a bit shocking for you. People here have strong opinions and plenty of experience to impart. You came on here looking for advice on your dh's 'banter' only to have a unanimous response defining it as abuse. I hope you're ok.

If you say so Butchy

Yup. And I’m sure you’ll say that the fact that you picked on my post in particular - which didn’t ask/say anything that others on the thread weren’t saying - and accused me if trying to “shame” the OP, wasn’t a bit .

*”scorn”

Good posts Pictish. OP I would talk to your dad about this as a first step as he knows what your hubby is like and will give you some real life support in thinking about what to do.

It never fails to amaze me the low standards some people will put up with - why ON EARTH are you with this unpleasant person? What happiness does he add to your life? Why do you think this is acceptable? Don’t you think you deserve better?

why ON EARTH are you with this unpleasant person?

I imagine he wasn’t as bad when they started dating.

Although I have a relative whose spouse was verbally abusive from the moment the starting gun went off.

Woman, please get a divorce.

What a prize cunt.

Butchy true. I suppose the question should simply be “why are you continuing to be with this person” I really, really hope the OP realises this is far from ok and leaves him

It's not banter, it's abuse. I would LTB - you don't need DC growing up thinking this is how husbands treat their wives.

pictish - your post sums up exactly how it was with my father. My mother did nothing about it. I still bear the mental scars from growing up in that environment, not to mention having depression on and off the whole of my adult life.

OP - please leave this man and protect your child as he'll treat them the same.

He sounds like a nightmare to live with. I'd be looking into where you stand and use the time he's away wisely. If he's like this when your on good terms what kind of twat will he be once he realises you are leaving him?!?

It isn't banter, it's abuse.

Your children are growing up learning that it's apparently acceptable for some people to dish out verbal abuse to others, and that the abused person is supposed to creep and crawl and walk on eggshells as well. Don't be surprised when the children start to replicate this behaviour at school and with friends.

It's really hard to get away from a bully but OP you really need to do it. I have a feeling your family will say 'what took you so long?' good luck.

OP, you need to start listening to your parents, your friends, and the people on here.

You need to leave this 'man'. He is not a good person, and he's really bad for you and your DC.

Stop trying to apologise to him, and stop trying to cuddle him. Learn to have some self esteem. You and your DC deserve better.
If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your children, because all the while they are living with this, they are being damaged. Surely you want them to grow up to be healthy in mind and to become decent adults? People on this thread have told you how damaging it was for them growing up in a household like this. Listen to them.

OP, how would he react if you sulked for days every time he abused you?

He actually thinks he can be nasty to people but they still have to like him?

I staybwith him because he wasn't always like this. Well I Don't remember him being this bad. He has always had a sharp tongue on him and I've not always agreed with what he has said.

He changed dramatically wheb we had DC. We had nearly 10 years of it being just us. I don't think he was ready for how big a change it was. He still has his football days out with friends, nights out, days out where as I'm not interested in these anymore. We both work full time (He does shift work so gets a lot more time off than me) whereas I want my weekends to be family times. I know it frustrates him that we Don't get the time together that we did just us, but I've accepted that as thats what happens when you have a family - he hasn't. It feels like He's upset He's not centre of attention anymore.

This man is an abusive bully.
The term retard is highly offensive and is not amusing light hearted or gentle teasing.
Please consider your children - it will be far more damaging for them to be growing up in the kind of home where their father routinely calls their mother fat ugly or a retarded than it would be to grow up with separated a family,

You're making excuses for him - he's an adult, he makes his own choices and he's choosing to behave like this. He's choosing to be an abuser, he's choosing to blame you and you can choose to put up with this or make a new life for yourself.