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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a annoyed that hubby will give banter but not take!

225 replies

melclaire1111 · 25/11/2017 12:31

So hubby is really good at giving banter. He will think of nothing of insulting people to their face and is often quite harsh. Even with me. He will think nothing of calling me fat, stupid, ugly, a loser etc. This morning he called me a retard because I couldn't reverse into a space properly, but i just ignore him.

When we argue he is also particularly nasty, and will call me some horrible names and accuse me of being a horrible person, and a bad mother etc.

So today is the first Saturday since DC was born 17 months ago that I'm out for a few hours on a Saturday and leaving DC with daddy. (I work full time mon-fri so saturdays are normally mine and dc's day as daddy goes to football every week so i'm not really looking forward to this afternoon)

Hubby knows some of the girls going today and speaks to them more than me. This morning he said be careful what i say to one of them as they're not talking to him, so I jokingly said oh i'll moan about u all afternoon as they Don't like u anyway! I realosed it sounded harsh as soon as i said it and apologised but hes now in a massive strop, called me a horrible and vindictive person and hasn't spoken to me for hours! I've apologised several time, it honestly wasn't meant to be that harsh but he doesn't want to know!

So am I being unreasonable or should he learn to accept banter as well?

OP posts:
pictish · 25/11/2017 13:10

I'll bet my last tenner he doesn't direct his 'banter' at other men. He'd be very likely to get a sore face and well he knows it.

cantfindname · 25/11/2017 13:10

I loathe and detest the whole concept of 'banter' It's used to pretend that being really unpleasant is ok because 'it's just a bit of banter'

People need to learn to respect each other, and this isn't the way to do it.

MissConductUS · 25/11/2017 13:11

I'm sorry you married an abusive arse. He is obviously hugely insecure and neurotic and hostile. The only cure here is a divorce.

I can't imagine even being friends with a person like him, let alone marrying him. You really deserve better.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 25/11/2017 13:11

This isn't banter, it's abuse. The sad thing is that it's been normalised. Please leave before this rubs off on any children that you have. He sounds utterly vile.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 25/11/2017 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsFezziwig · 25/11/2017 13:13

Stop calling it banter! Banter is amusing to both parties involved - it certainly doesn’t involve insults and abuse. He does the same to other people and you are allowing him to think it’s acceptable. How long before he starts on the children?

ILoveMillhousesDad · 25/11/2017 13:13

He sounds like an insufferable twat.

He has reduced his own mother to tears.

He calls you a retard (absolutely horrid), fat and ugly.

So what are the good points of this prince among men?

MessyBun247 · 25/11/2017 13:14

He's verbally abusing you. Do you want your child growing up hearing that and thinking its ok? Are there any positives to the relationship?

pictish · 25/11/2017 13:14

I couldn't have respect or warmth for a man who makes his mother cry by being nasty to her.
This is not a good man.

museumum · 25/11/2017 13:14

I think you were quite rude.
But the saddest thing is that he’s so obviously incredibly rude to you on a daily basis that you’ve absorbed that as normal 😢

I think you need to tell him that you are sorry you were rude but this has made you realise he is constantly rude and unkind to you and that if your marriage is going to survive you both need to be kinder.
(It sounds like this will be hard for him and easy for you but it’s goid to frame it as a consistent goal for both of you).

whoareyoukidding · 25/11/2017 13:16

As someone else has said, I bet he doesn't 'banter' with 6 foot tall muscle - men.

SeraphinaDombegh · 25/11/2017 13:17

@GinSoddenWhore has it with "abusive turd". I'm sorry OP but it's a LTB from me. He sounds really really nasty.

Fanciedachange17 · 25/11/2017 13:18

What are you doing with him? You sound lovely. He sounds a cruel, mean, insensitive arse. LTB

ToffeeUp · 25/11/2017 13:19

Has your friend stopped talking to him because they will not put up with his 'banter' by any chance?

VladmirsPoutine · 25/11/2017 13:19

Your use of the term 'hubby' and your claim that you apologised to him several times leads me to think you are so desensitised to this that you can no longer see the wood for the trees.

You need to LTB.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 25/11/2017 13:21

You are confusing banter with abuse OP, wake up, you are worth so much more. Men like him, make my blood boil.😡
The last thing you want is for your DS to mimic him.

pictish · 25/11/2017 13:22

I can also feel my vagina sealing itself up at the thought of a man who feels quite at liberty to dole out the insults, calling his wife fat, stupid, ugly and a retard...but who totally spits his dummy if she gives him even a mild taste of his own medicine.
So it's one rule for him and another for everyone else because his feelings are paramount while other people's don't count for shit, is it?
Wouldn't fucking touch the bastard with a barge pole. Bleurgh.

Zebra31 · 25/11/2017 13:24

So hubby is really good at giving banter. He will think of nothing of insulting people to their face and is often quite harsh. Even with me. He will think nothing of calling me fat, stupid, ugly, a loser etc. This morning he called me a retard because I couldn't reverse into a space properly, but i just ignore him.

Op you boundaries sound blurred. Nothing in this paragraph is banter. It’s just rude, nasty and bigoted. Who on earth still uses the word retard these days? Your DH is an arse for using that word alone.

YABU to think the way he speaks/treats you is banter. He doesn’t sound very nice Op.

Motoko · 25/11/2017 13:25

Stop calling it banter, and call it what it is, abuse.

He's a really nasty cunt. Why are you still with him? He made his own mother cry!

Nasty, nasty, nasty. Urgh.

And your poor children, what are you forcing them to grow up with? LTB.

Loubymoo27 · 25/11/2017 13:25

I'm sorry OP but he sounds like a horrible bully!! It's only banter if both parties find it funny. He sounds nasty and rude bordering on abusive!!! Nobody should have to put up with that!!!! Xx

LannieDuck · 25/11/2017 13:26

Why are you apologising when he's said far worse? Tell him "it's just banter".

...and if he doesn't like it, tell him you don't like banter either, and maybe you (both) shouldn't do it anymore?

GinSoddenWhore · 25/11/2017 13:26

You taking the piss museum?

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/11/2017 13:27

whoareyoukidding
As someone else has said, I bet he doesn't 'banter' with 6 foot tall muscle - men.

I would be willing to bet that he does (at least when in the work place) and that he is the first to complain to management when they do it back.

GabsAlot · 25/11/2017 13:29

i wouldnt call that bantr

my dh can do it and not take it but he never calls me or anyone else names hes just a windup

no need for name calling and bad mother etc thats personal

bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox · 25/11/2017 13:30

Another one saying that's not banter. Sorry, he sounds like an absolute arse!!