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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To show the headteacher this...

210 replies

nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 19:21

Some of the parents at my child’s school set up a Facebook page for parents of year 6 children to discuss homework/trips/reminders etc. The page is really useful.

Teachers are aware of the page (most year groups have one) and have asked on a recent newsletter that any issues parents may have with regards to class teachers, bullying etc are not discussed and are addressed with the class teacher instead. We all follow these rules.

Today one of the SMSA’s (dinner lady/lunchtime supervisor) at the school posted the following... (I have no idea why she is in the group actually as she doesn’t have a child at the school so she has since been removed from the page)

Post edited by MNHQ so that is is no longer a verbatim account "Dinner lady posted about pupils throwing unwanted food on the floor and their attitude towards her and expecting her to tidy up".

I get the frustration and think the boys involved should be dealt with but I found this really inappropriate.

A couple of parents commented that they felt this was an inappropriate place to post this and the person should go to their manager/headteacher to discuss the incident as she was discussing children (our children!) that she works with. She then replied with ‘I could name the children if I wanted to but haven’t as I want to remain professional.’ Hmm

I have screenshot her post and comments and mentioned to DP that I’m going to bring it to the headteachers attention but he thinks I should keep out of it.

Any opinions?

OP posts:
Trailedanderror · 15/11/2017 19:22

I'd stay out of it and take the opportunity to talk to my dcs about respect and kindness. Poor woman.

IAmcuriousyellow · 15/11/2017 19:23

I'd stay out. It will get back to the head in no time at all without any help!

fleurjasmine · 15/11/2017 19:24

It's inappropriate but I wouldn't take it any further.

leccybill · 15/11/2017 19:25

Totally inappropriate of her but I'd stay out of it. The Head will find out.
Meanwhile, if you have a Y6 boy - time to have a word.

Mishappening · 15/11/2017 19:26

Oh keep out of it - this poor woman.

NumberEightyOne · 15/11/2017 19:28

Poor woman. Treated like shit by a load of obnoxious children and now likely to be disciplined and maybe even dismissed for venting her frustration.

cakeymccakington · 15/11/2017 19:28

If I had kids behaving like that towards me damn straight would I post it so parents could see.

Maybe instead of moaning to the head you could all take the opportunity to talk to your revolting children about their behaviour

TeenTimesTwo · 15/11/2017 19:28

If I were the parent of a y6 I would be having strong words with my child. That is disgraceful behaviour and attitude. If my child had been involved I would be expecting them to apologise to the lady and buy them something to make up for it. I think that far outweighs any issue of them posting on the facebook page.

AppleAndBlackberry · 15/11/2017 19:28

I don't know, it's probably not the right place but on the other hand I think I would want to know if my children were disrespecting the dinner staff. How awful for her. They don't have any way of of communicating with the parents really, so she used her initiative.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 15/11/2017 19:29

Meanwhile, if you have a Y6 boy - time to have a word

And that's exactly why she posted it where she did. So that the parents can see how their little darlings behave.

Maybe she HAS taken it up with the head and noting's happened, or it has but the year 6 boys have decided to ignore what they've been told. It might not be professional, but I hope something good comes of it.

Pengggwn · 15/11/2017 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/11/2017 19:31

I love how it’s the dinner lady you have a problem with, not the despicable behaviour of the kids. I’d be ashamed and embarrassed of my children and my parenting if they were mine.

OnlyTheDepthVaries · 15/11/2017 19:32

Report it. The lady might have had a bad day...but she has acted wholly unprofessionally and this needs to be addressed. Dreadful behaviour from a school employee...and if I were the headteacher or chair of governors I would be looking at this as a disciplinary matter.

happymumof4crazykids · 15/11/2017 19:32

I would be talking to my child about respect and apologising to the dinner lady if my child was involved! Why are you offended that she pointed out how truly awful they all were? She didn’t name names and didn’t try to shame individuals she wasn’t being petty.

Lily2007 · 15/11/2017 19:32

Poor lady. I really don't think she should have to be cleaning up after children deliberately doing that, she should be reporting the children. They would get time out at our primary. I would only mention to the Head to say they need to deal with behaviour of the y6s better. I would be asking my child what they knew about this too.

SciFiFan2015 · 15/11/2017 19:32

I’d stay out of it but also be shocked and horrified at the behaviour. If you are on that group page you must have a child in that year? Make sure they know this is completely inappropriate behaviour. I’m actually quite impressed at her initiative!

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 19:32

I feel really sorry for her and she is obviously at the end of her tether but just felt it was a weird place to discuss it.

I’ve spoken to my DS who says he isn’t aware of any incidences at lunchtime (if he was involved I’d be taking him in to apologise to the poor lady and make him volunteer to help them clear up after every lunchtime for a week!)

Perhaps I will leave it. She also said if everyone thinks she is ‘unprofessional’ she would happily quit her job? She is clearly very frustrated (as I would be!)

OP posts:
Urubu · 15/11/2017 19:32

YABU
I fail to understand what is inappropriate, she is addressing the parents of these children, not posting this on MN... And she doesn't name the children in question.

MaisyPops · 15/11/2017 19:33

She hasn't done it the right way but equally, whoever was admin of the group clearly accepted her to the group knowing she doesnt have a chikd in the class and you were all happy enough having her privvy to your chats.

I'll be honest, given that school have had to tell parents to use proper channels for issues rather than bitching in a group chat tells us that there's been some issues. My guess would be that some meddler will be straight to the head.

Keep out of thr rights and wrongs and if you have a y6 boy tell them about being kind and showing respect.

(I hate it when I tell students to pick their rubbish up and some smart arse says 'bit that's what cleaners are for'. I point out they are there to CLEAN not pick up after spoilt children)

Crumbs1 · 15/11/2017 19:34

Actually it might be the only way she could get an undiluted message to the parents of that cohort. I’m no too sure it is as inappropriate as Year 6 children being rude to staff, throwing food around the room and being decidedly delinquent.

I hope instead of whinging to he head the parents bellowed at their children and put them all on plain cheese sandwiches with nothing else for a fortnight.

Allthewaves · 15/11/2017 19:34

She's been treated like rubbish and they are paid so badly. It would be awful to copy and give to headteacher. I'd be having a serious chat with my child about respect

M00nUnit · 15/11/2017 19:34

Poor woman! If I was in your position I'd be far more concerned about the appalling way my children were behaving than I would be about the "inappropriate" place you'd found out about it. Good for her for speaking up.

TeenTimesTwo · 15/11/2017 19:34

The only reasons for seeing the HT over this is
a) if you are aware he is aware already
b) to support the lady and to say she must have been really upset/frustrated to post there

Quartz2208 · 15/11/2017 19:35

That is horrible behaviour by the year 6 boys totally disrespectful and it sounds like she has had enough. It's not her behaviour that should be questionned

Urubu · 15/11/2017 19:35

I’ve spoken to my DS who says he isn’t aware of any incidences at lunchtime
Because of course a Y6 boy guilty of the described behaviour would just happily admit it to their parents. Well yes mum, I threw the food on the floor and then laughed at the school staff, that was so much fun! Grin