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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To show the headteacher this...

210 replies

nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 19:21

Some of the parents at my child’s school set up a Facebook page for parents of year 6 children to discuss homework/trips/reminders etc. The page is really useful.

Teachers are aware of the page (most year groups have one) and have asked on a recent newsletter that any issues parents may have with regards to class teachers, bullying etc are not discussed and are addressed with the class teacher instead. We all follow these rules.

Today one of the SMSA’s (dinner lady/lunchtime supervisor) at the school posted the following... (I have no idea why she is in the group actually as she doesn’t have a child at the school so she has since been removed from the page)

Post edited by MNHQ so that is is no longer a verbatim account "Dinner lady posted about pupils throwing unwanted food on the floor and their attitude towards her and expecting her to tidy up".

I get the frustration and think the boys involved should be dealt with but I found this really inappropriate.

A couple of parents commented that they felt this was an inappropriate place to post this and the person should go to their manager/headteacher to discuss the incident as she was discussing children (our children!) that she works with. She then replied with ‘I could name the children if I wanted to but haven’t as I want to remain professional.’ Hmm

I have screenshot her post and comments and mentioned to DP that I’m going to bring it to the headteachers attention but he thinks I should keep out of it.

Any opinions?

OP posts:
pictish · 15/11/2017 20:01

"It’s more the fact that the parents of the page follow the rules set by the head and a member of her staff has come on and discussed an issue which she should be addressing to the head."

Fat lot of good that will do.
I'm glad she had the guts to address the parents responsible for the ill-mannered little gits.

ByThePowerOfRa · 15/11/2017 20:01

The parents on your group sound horrible tbh if (as I think it sounds?) they’re jumping on this dinner lady for lack of ‘propriety’ instead of supporting her. Some of them might even be the parents of the children who participated in this disgusting behaviour. I get why they feel defensive. Nobody wants their child to be accused of behaving like this, but I think it’s pretty poor to immediately leap in with “you shouldn’t be posting here you know?” and removing her from the group, when she’s clearly had a terrible day, at the hands of children whose parents may actually be in the group.

ByThePowerOfRa · 15/11/2017 20:01

X post op. I’m glad she has had some sympathy from other parents. That would be the usual reaction I think.

ArcheryAnnie · 15/11/2017 20:02

Poor woman. Treated like shit by a load of obnoxious children and now likely to be disciplined and maybe even dismissed for venting her frustration.

This. She hasn't named any individuals. I don't blame her one bit.

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 20:02

@hayli Agreed. I’ve encouraged all of the parents on the page to speak to their children about respect but have had some mixed responses. One of them being ‘Why should I have to sit and give my son a lecture when he wasn’t even in the same hall? Only those involved need to be told.’

OP posts:
zzzzz · 15/11/2017 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notreallyarsed · 15/11/2017 20:04

I remember when I was at uni some absolute wankers decided to have a food fight in the canteen, it was a right mess after and one of them sneered at the woman who was the dinner lady and said “you can clean that up”. Thankfully she was a no nonsense Glaswegian woman (uni was in England) and she handed his fucking arse to him on a plate followed by a mop and bucket and words that even made me blush! She got a standing ovation for that one!

CallMeDollFace · 15/11/2017 20:04

Report it. The lady might have had a bad day...but she has acted wholly unprofessionally and this needs to be addressed. Dreadful behaviour from a school employee...and if I were the headteacher or chair of governors I would be looking at this as a disciplinary matter.

It sounds like she has had more than one bad day to me. Being a lunchtime supervisor is one of the most thankless tasks going. Do you have any idea what they get paid? It’s an absolute insult when you consider the level of responsibility they actually have. We cannot get anything like the number we need at our school and it’s no bloody wonder.

Try and have some compassion.

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 20:05

@pictish I want to go to the head. Not about the fact she posted on Facebook (I’ve realised now that this really isn’t the issue here) but that I think this poor lady needs some support from the head. I’m
Not sure how I’d do that without it coming to light about her posting on Facebook.

OP posts:
Tsundoku · 15/11/2017 20:05

It's only about 10 boys, yet several posters are certain the OP's son is involved. Do you know the OP and her son in real life?

Nobody knows which boys were involved, since the dinner lady didn't name them.

Ten kids acting so badly is a big deal. Even if my child wasn't involved, I'd want to make it absolutely clear how unacceptable that behaviour is; worst case scenario is that it becomes an accepted or dominant cultural norm in the class. I wouldn't shrug at ten kids being racist because my own wasn't directly involved. Disrespect and snobbery need to be strongly dealt with, especially as they're all quite young.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 15/11/2017 20:07

Oh poor lady.
Dinner ladies do a bloody hard job for very little thanks and very little pay.
Yet without their good work, afternoon learning is often buggered. Children not properly managed at lunch bring issues back into class, are overly excitable and a nightmare to teach in the afternoon.
A good dinner lady, who actually cares (and this one sounds like she does) is worth her weight in gold.
I hope someone has given her a hug to make up for a horrid day and that the parents who have read this give their children a good talking to rather than being outraged that she pointed out how disrespectful their behaviour was.
If it was my child I would want to know. However the information got to me.

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 20:07

@zzzzz ‘little toads’ is one name for them Angry

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 15/11/2017 20:07

The kids that did this to the lady are the ones being inappropriate. Regardless of whether or not your DC was involved I would still have a talk about how this kind of behaviour is not nice and make sure they understand why As far as taking this further - drop it. The poor lady was clearly upset - leave it be.

Notreallyarsed · 15/11/2017 20:07

Dreadful behaviour from a school employee

You do know she’s human don’t you? With feelings, and a right not to be treated like shit by little shits who haven’t had an ounce of respect taught to them! Fuck me, I’d have lost my shit in front of them if they’d been so disgustingly disrespectful to me, never mind a calm, articulate post on FB!

2017SoFarSoGood · 15/11/2017 20:08

Poor, poor woman. She is at the end of her rag, and reaching out to the adults who might be able to do something to make it a little easier for her.

When I was very young, my DM was a cleaner in a school, and she was absolutely tormented by the students for a physical tic she could do nothing about. I so clearly remember her coming home crying, and overhearing her tell my DF what they said and did. It made me terrified to go to school.

Perhaps some of your FB group of parents can volunteer to come in over the next few weeks to observe or supervise lunch time? It might help shift the dynamic somewhat.

CallMeDollFace · 15/11/2017 20:08

Also, for those children ‘not involved’ - by year 6 I think they are old enough to have a conversation about how they are leading the school by example with their lunchtime behaviour. If my ds or dd were at that school, I’d be making them aware that a member of staff is at breaking point and asking them what they could do to help the situation, whether they were directly involved or not. It’s a perfect opportunity for a lesson in community spirit and collective responsibility isn’t it?

Witsender · 15/11/2017 20:09

Tbh, screenshotting and reporting would be way down my list of reactions to this. I'm amazed people are giving her grief, I get thinking it is an odd place to vent but really...the kids sound awful.

Justbookedasummmerholiday · 15/11/2017 20:09

Imo school brush too much bad behaviour under the carpet. Good on her.

hayli · 15/11/2017 20:09

* Agreed. I’ve encouraged all of the parents on the page to speak to their children about respect but have had some mixed responses. One of them being ‘Why should I have to sit and give my son a lecture when he wasn’t even in the same hall? Only those involved need to be told.’*

no one saying to give a lecture. Just a reminder of good behaviour and just so all the kids of that year are aware of whats happenned so incidentslike this can be avoided in the future.**

Rachie1973 · 15/11/2017 20:09

I'd go to the head, and I'd tell him about the poor woman who's life is being made miserable by the children in his school.

Then I'd suggest he forms 'cleaning teams' to help clean up after lunch.

Shiela2017 · 15/11/2017 20:09

The boys sound like a sack of shit. Please don't report the poor dinner lady.

HateIsNotGood · 15/11/2017 20:10

This is a genuinely difficult question; but my sentiments side towards the 'Dinner Lady' (I'm still trying to work out what SMSA stands for).

The words seem to come from a real frustration and given that the day she had nearly made her give up a that job that she clearly enjoys, I think the words are given eloquently and are not offensive in any way.

I'm sure the SMSAs are regarded as pretty low-down in the school 'hierarchy' and have little authority to mete out 'appropriate' punishments for 'inappropriate' behaviour; and the 'cherry' on the day was having a Yr6 pupil and pupils literally 'jeering' at her because she was "only a dinner lady".

I'm sure the Head already knows by now; if she loses her job maybe she could be promoted to Head of English, because she probably would be really good at that.

Atenco · 15/11/2017 20:10

Another one thinking that your anger is misdirected.

ALemonyPea · 15/11/2017 20:10

I’d keep out of it, but if you have a Y6 boy. Do speak to them about treating any adult, whatever their profession, deserve the same respect.

As an ex dinner lady, some children, especially y6 boys do treat you like shit scraped off the bottom of your shoe.

The school I worked at had children of high paid professionals (doctors/teachers/lawyers) and they were actually ruder than the few children of working class parents who attended. When we complained about certain children, their parents said there was no way their child would speak to an adult like that. No wonder they thought they could get away with it.

MammaTJ · 15/11/2017 20:11

I have a boy in year 6 and would be mortified that his cohort were involved in such behaviour! I would be asking him, his friends and his friends parents if he was involved. I would be more concerned with finding that out that anything else.

Once that was done, yes, I would be pretty cross that she had even been on the group, let alone used it for the purpose of attacking the children in her care. It should have been done in a much more appropriate way.