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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To show the headteacher this...

210 replies

nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 19:21

Some of the parents at my child’s school set up a Facebook page for parents of year 6 children to discuss homework/trips/reminders etc. The page is really useful.

Teachers are aware of the page (most year groups have one) and have asked on a recent newsletter that any issues parents may have with regards to class teachers, bullying etc are not discussed and are addressed with the class teacher instead. We all follow these rules.

Today one of the SMSA’s (dinner lady/lunchtime supervisor) at the school posted the following... (I have no idea why she is in the group actually as she doesn’t have a child at the school so she has since been removed from the page)

Post edited by MNHQ so that is is no longer a verbatim account "Dinner lady posted about pupils throwing unwanted food on the floor and their attitude towards her and expecting her to tidy up".

I get the frustration and think the boys involved should be dealt with but I found this really inappropriate.

A couple of parents commented that they felt this was an inappropriate place to post this and the person should go to their manager/headteacher to discuss the incident as she was discussing children (our children!) that she works with. She then replied with ‘I could name the children if I wanted to but haven’t as I want to remain professional.’ Hmm

I have screenshot her post and comments and mentioned to DP that I’m going to bring it to the headteachers attention but he thinks I should keep out of it.

Any opinions?

OP posts:
SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 15/11/2017 21:16

My sympathy is with the Lunchtime Supervisor. Poor love.

TattiusTeddius · 15/11/2017 21:17

I’ve spoken to my DS who says he isn’t aware of any incidences at lunchtime

It never fails to surprise me that people believe a 10/11yo who’s wanting to stay out of trouble before they believe an adult.

I’d be tempted to PM her to ask if my son was involved, but that’s just me!

mygorgeousmilo · 15/11/2017 21:17

She may well have acted unprofessionally, but look up the salary of a dinner lady at your school. I get that there are certain ways to address things but clearly she’s at her wits end. Almost a completely thankless task, so I don’t blame her for losing it and wanting to just tell you all. I don’t get why the dinner lady is your main concern. Kids behaved like bloody savages and were rude and obnoxious to her. Have a word with the kids, don’t make this woman lose her already shitty job!

Mittens1969 · 15/11/2017 21:18

Sadly, I’m not surprised, children are often not brought up to respect teachers so it’s hardly a wonder that they disrespect lunchtime supervisors. It’s a far cry from when I was a child and the dinner ladies terrified me!

If my DDs behaved like those boys I’d be mortified and they would be writing letters of apology; I wouldn’t be complaining about the Facebook post.

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 21:27

@TattiusTeddius I’ve done that and thankfully she’s confirmed he’s not involved.

OP posts:
CheeseyToast · 15/11/2017 21:28

I think that if you as a parent community genuinely want to support the school, you could get together and ask the head to address the dinner lady’s issues, say you appreciate her work and are appalled by the way she is being treated by some children and that you support the school taking a tough stand on disrespect. Stress that you are with her on this.
Wouldn’t it be a fine thing to see women supporting women, parents supporting schools and parents teaching children to be polite and considerate.

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 21:30

@Sayyouwill One of the other parents (admin for the page) removed her as it obviously came to light she wasn’t a parent of a year 6 child.m which is what the page is actually for.

OP posts:
woodlands01 · 15/11/2017 21:31

Great post CheeseyToast

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 21:32

We’ve just had a conversation on messenger and she thanked me for some kind words. It’s just not enough though is it? I hope the card my DS makes for her will make her realise that she is appreciated by some of the children at least.

OP posts:
washingmachinefastwash · 15/11/2017 21:32

She’s not posted any names. She’s told her side of events so hopefully all the parents will speak to their children about how to behave in school.

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 21:33

@CheeseyToast This is a great idea. I want to bring it to the heads attention how upset this dinner lady is but also don’t want to get her into trouble for her post on social media.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 15/11/2017 21:35

If she's been treated like that by the pupils and then got into trouble for writing that (albeit inappropriate) I'd be telling the Ht I didn't expect her to be disciplined but rather the children who drove someone who's given the school 5 years good service to feel like that.

Poor woman.

And she's right - you don't do that type of job for the wage Grin

ApproachingATunnel · 15/11/2017 21:35

Keep out of it. If anything, i would be speaking in private to dinner lady in case it was my dc doing this. Or better still, leave it and have acword with dc to be respectful regardless of whether they were involved or not.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 15/11/2017 21:36

The lady had a bad day and posted something she shouldn’t. Don’t make it worse by reporting her. I would hope that if my DD was treating someone like that then they would tell me and not feel they need to put something on Facebook for it to get noticed.

The only thing that would annoy me about it is it’s a bit of a drama llama status that incites loads of comment but no real answers. Either put the status up and name the kids or just leave it

youarenotkiddingme · 15/11/2017 21:37

And what you need to consider is YOU have copied her post here - so YOU have made it go further via SM as you've made it searchable.

woodlands01 · 15/11/2017 21:37

CurleyhairedAssasin so sorry you are leaving education.
Your 'feral' vocabulary is perfect.
Parents when you child does not have a specialist teacher in Maths/English/Science/Languages, this type of behaviour is why.

Graphista · 15/11/2017 21:39

Jesus are your knees hurting from the massive back pedal you did there op? Your first post was massively anti the dinner lady with lip service paid to her 'frustration' but then after posters responded with how rotten a time she's having and how hard she must have been pushed to get to that point you became all sympathy Hmm

I don't believe she hasn't already mentioned this to her line manager and HT on several occasions or she wouldn't be at the point of leaving.

Maybe I'm old fashioned and becoming curmudgeonly but I'm sick to death of parents who raise their kids with NO respect or compassion for others BUT who expect the victims of such behaviour to just suck it up!

A few posters have suggested the offenders take on a few sessions of cleaning the dining hall after lunches - I think this is an excellent idea - but what's the bets the parents of these obnoxious kids would object on the grounds of 'health and safety' and it being 'degrading'?

Time teachers, child carers and others responsible for children were allowed to discipline as well as praise.

Just today as it happens:

I witnessed 2 schoolgirls kicking a balled up crisp packet in our local shopping mall then just leave it on the floor when they got bored, another adult nearby told them to bin it and got told to "fuck off" they were all of 12!

In front of me in a queue in a shop a grandmother prompted her grandchild to say please and thanks to the shop assistant. Child did but then as they were leaving complained loudly about having to do so, resulting in a chat with shop assistant where she told me "that's nothing, when the older ones are shoplifting you worry they've a knife on them"

Seriously, enough! About time we stopped worrying about a fairly innocuous post on FB and more about how our children are behaving.

I say maybe it's my age but even dd at mere 16 often comments along lines of "you'd ground me for a year if I tried that!"

I was raised EVERYONE matters EVERYONE deserves respect.

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 21:40

@youarenotkiddingme Yes probably quite silly of me. I will ask for the post to be deleted

OP posts:
Atenco · 15/11/2017 21:42

There are few things that get my back up worse than children who have never worked a day in their lives thinking they are somehow superior to someone who works in a minimum wage job.

I'm glad you and your son aren't like that, OP.

Original poster
nevertoobigforharibo · 15/11/2017 21:42

@Graphista I can see your point. That’s the reason I posted in AIBU- to get some more opinions. I have stated though that initially I was a bit miffed about the way the dinner lady vented her anger (not following the rules set by the head) but I realise now that really that wasn’t the issue here at all.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 15/11/2017 21:44

Just ask MNHQ to edit the OP. So without actual post word for word but rather

"Dinner lady posted about pupils throwing unwanted food on the floor and their attitude towards her and expecting her to tidy up".

You don't want to lost the context of how these boys made her feel iyswim?

manicinsomniac · 15/11/2017 21:48

I'm really surprised at how this thread has gone.

The staff member's behaviour and lack of professionalism is totally unacceptable.

  1. Talking with parents on social media alone is usually a serious offence, regardless of whether or not you use it to say anything negative about the school or the pupils. My daughter's in Year 6 and I can't be on the Y6 wattsapp because I'm a teacher at the school. That's just the way it is.

  2. She doesn't address her post to the parents, she is writing to the boys themselves which is an extremely passive aggressive and unprofessional writing style. 'I'm sorry to have you let you know that many of your boys were extremely rude and disrespectful today etc' would be far more appropriate - as an email, not on social media.

  3. A school employee should never make it sound (to parents) like they are frightened, upset or unable to cope with unacceptable behaviour.

  4. She will have done the same safeguarding training, policy signing and conduct agreeing as everybody else working in the school environment. The job title is not important. If it would be an inappropriate avenue of communication for the head teacher then it's an inappropriate avenue for everybody they employ too.

  5. She's opened a huge can of worms by communicating to all the parents about 10 of the boys - there will be speculation as to who was involved, gossip, judgement, assumptions, blame, defensiveness etc - it could get very toxic when all that was needed was for the parents of the actual children involved to be emailed, phoned or brought it. No other parents should have been made aware of the behaviour of other parents' children.

I would have endless sympathy for and outrage on behalf of any of my colleagues who were treated like that - if they told me in the privacy of the staff room. But if I read about it on social media, or on any platform where it could be read by parents, I'd be horrified and cringing for them.

Having said all that, I wouldn't report her because I wouldn't want her to get into trouble. I'd be shocked to see it but I'd leave it.

Lily2007 · 15/11/2017 21:51

I'm sure she will appreciate your DS's card, I would maybe put a little box of chocs with it as she sounds rightly quite depressed and unappreciated.

I wouldn't necessarily assume she has reported it. A lovely lady who volunteers in our school was getting treated quite badly by one of the teachers as was upset and I told her she should say to our Head. The Head at the time was a really nice man and I know he would have been horrified. She just said that she wasn't important enough to say anything and her husband had told her that too. I told her of course she was but I could say something if she preferred but she said she would leave it. Not everyone has the confidence to complain. Maybe ask her. If she doesn't feel she can tell the Head maybe the y6 teachers.

CakesRUs · 15/11/2017 21:52

YABU. They need to be told, parents need to know, that DC’s behaviour is disrespectful and wrong.

CallMeDollFace · 15/11/2017 21:54

So many people complaining it was ‘unprofessional’ of a dinner lady to use a private school fb group to let parents know their children were behaving really badly and she was at her wits’ end.

Unprofessional? Really? What profession is that then?