To exclude some guests from part of DDs birthday celebration?

[RogerThatOver]

DD wants to have a laser tag party for her birthday and there's a minimum of ten children that you have to pay for. I'd like to surprise her with a limo trip there but obviously not everyone can fit in. The limo I'm looking at booking would fit me, her, two of her siblings and three best friends in. I was thinking of having the three best friends over for a sleepover the night before and meeting the other guests at laser tag. But is it unreasonable to exclude some guests in this way do you think?

My DC would love the limo and sleepover idea. They'd be gutted if they weren't chosen, though.

It would be unkind to do this.

Completely different to evening guests as a wedding. Everyone knows the score, everyone is an adult, and there is (or should be) an obvious reason for it (work colleague/hobby club member rather than actual friend for example). all members of each category should be treated the same.

Do people really think 10 year olds give a flying fuck if middle aged people think a limo is tacky? Virtually everything kids like is tacky, that's the fun of it!

That's the trouble, no they won't give a fuck, because parents insist on indulging their kids with all the "celebrity" fakery. We should be teaching our kids that all this "celebrity" bullshit is not the real world and not something they need to try and emulate.

kids are growing up to want what they see the rich and famous having, it's all too materialistic and fake. 10 year old kids don't need limo's, it's not the kind of lifestyle they're likely to get in the future, there's no way i'd encourage that at all. But worse than any of that is the idea that only some kids get the "treat".

I also don't like two tier wedding invitations. I think they're bad manners.

Same. The twists of logic are interesting...

What everyone else has said. I was regularly the B list kind of kid - invited for a movie and pizza only to discover just a few other girls were having a sleepover or had slept over. It is awful. Even when you are resilient and polite, as I was, it is totally, totally awful and made me feel like shit.

If you want to treate DD to the limo, at least please spare a thought for that one child with a smile plastered on her face who will go home and cry herself to sleep that she wasn’t included, and FGS do that treat another day.

Oh don't do the second rate guest thing - just ruins the party for everyone.

Party and limo together - a bit much maybe ?

I don't think you're being unreasonable.
Some people are so entitled it's unbelievable. You don't get to pick whose birthday party you go to...and whether or not you're invited to it all or just some of it!

Oh god, the word resilient is the buzz word du jour, isnt it?

I guess it's just the same as an "evening invitation" to a wedding but most people seem to do that and think it's OK 🤔

These are primary school kids, not grown adults. It's not comparable to a wedding ffs.

I guess it's just the same as an "evening invitation" to a wedding but most people seem to do that and think it's OK

It's not even slightly the same, as has already been said.

And that is ok.

Some people are so entitled it's unbelievable

I know, 9 year old children, expecting that if they go to a celebration that they won't be put into a lower category not deemed good enough friends to share a treat. The little entitled fuckers.

i think that sounds absolutely fine. maybe even save your self some money and just do the later tag! Good luck.

🍿

I also don't think its unreasonable. I'm assuming all kids go to the same school which means they all will know which friends your DD is closest to. I think its normal that you would want to have your best friends - the ones you spend most time with to a sleepover and then invite your "friends" to your birthday activity. At the end of the day its your DD birthday so she Should be able to choose who she wants at each thing.

Personally I would only arrange something where they could all be included.

I personally thunk it sounds like a recipe for a friendship shit storm with no real purpose.

This really reminds me of a thread from a few years ago - the OP there also had a two-tier system and would listen to anyone who disagreed.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1864514-To-have-organised-my-daughters-birthday-in-this-way

I agree! My kids would have been thrilled to be one of the ten invited - probably in a class of 20+ kids.

Sorry to be blunt, but you've got this out of perspective. No limo - whether it's your cousin's or not, unless you are training your DD to be an entitled little princess! What will you have to do next year; the year after that etc?.It won't increase her general happiness or popularity (you will be excluding some of her friends). Not even sure about laser tag either. Children like simple things best. Recognise that your wish to indulge is more about meeting your own emotional needs and start focusing on your daughter.

Sorry pressed post by accident. Meant to say that my kids would have been thrilled to just get an invitation at all. I think it is totally acceptable that you might do something special with your closest friends. Think a lot of comments are blowing this out of proportion - its only a kids party after all.

Op Aibu?
Every poster - yes !
Op disappears then suddenly when thread has almost died 1 or 2 posters suddenly appear saying yanbu

Not sure what you're trying to say lamahppy. I personally didn't even notice that this post was started 2 days ago.

I think its normal that you would want to have your best friends - the ones you spend most time with to a sleepover and then invite your "friends" to your birthday activity

Except that some children will think that they are friends instead of "friends" and will be confused and upset to find out otherwise.
And as we all know, theres nothing like sad, teary children at a childs birthday party to really put the fun in it