Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To exclude some guests from part of DDs birthday celebration?

214 replies

RogerThatOver · 05/11/2017 22:40

DD wants to have a laser tag party for her birthday and there's a minimum of ten children that you have to pay for. I'd like to surprise her with a limo trip there but obviously not everyone can fit in. The limo I'm looking at booking would fit me, her, two of her siblings and three best friends in. I was thinking of having the three best friends over for a sleepover the night before and meeting the other guests at laser tag. But is it unreasonable to exclude some guests in this way do you think?

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 07/11/2017 18:57

I always wonder why parents drag out a birthday party over a couple of days and having a couple of events. Why not just have a birthday party and leave it at that? A friend of my DD had what ended up being a birthday weekend with a sleepover on the Friday night, shopping on Saturday morning, followed by a party in the afternoon, followed by another sleepover running into Sunday. Do kids really need this.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/11/2017 19:01

I think its fine, people have A and B level weddings don't they! The B level guests arrive just after the speeches, cake cutting and the posh sit down dinner, and get served soggy sandwiches and pizza.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 07/11/2017 19:03

Can one more person compare it to weddings please? 47 aren't quite enough.
Even though you're still completely wrong.

karen2808 · 07/11/2017 19:16

Hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea - sorry I thought we were talking about 9 year olds - not 5 year olds. A 9 year old should be capable of understanding that sometimes you get invited to stuff and sometimes you don't. I'm not saying that they wouldn't or shouldnt be disappointed but they are not toddlers. Considering the average class size is 20-25 kids and only 10 were invited there are a lot of kids that didn't get invited at all. Unfortunately you don't always get what you want - its crap, but that's life. If it upsets them that much then they need to decide whether they go, act their age and have fun or they decline the invitation.

embo1 · 07/11/2017 20:22

If anything, have a few over after lasertag, not before

ChocolateDoll · 07/11/2017 21:41

OP has fucked off, I see.

That'll be those good manners she possesses at okay again then.

Abbylee · 07/11/2017 23:48

No limo

Abbylee · 07/11/2017 23:56

Why not either invite close friends only or all the girls/boys in class. You are going over board. It's too much.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 08/11/2017 08:12

sorry I thought we were talking about 9 year olds - not 5 year olds. A 9 year old should be capable of understanding that sometimes you get invited to stuff and sometimes you don't

But this isn't about being invited to a party or not invited to a party. It's about being invited, and then arriving to find that some of the guests, not you, have been deemed VIP's and are to get extra layers of the party that you have been decided not to be worth.
It's like cutting the cake and saying: only half of you are getting some, and selecting the chosen few. Or handing out party bags, but only to the people you like best.

You might think that acceptable. Nice parents do not.

Lovelymess · 08/11/2017 08:19

YABU and a limo to laser tag?! Hmm

RockinHippy · 08/11/2017 09:01

sorry I thought we were talking about 9 year olds - not 5 year olds. A 9 year old should be capable of understanding that sometimes you get invited to stuff and sometimes you don't

A voice of reason at last. I’m gobsmacked at the number of parents that disagree with this, they are not babies, life isn’t fair an an invitation to anything is a gift, not an entitlement, at least that’s how mine has been brought up. She’s been on the receiving of these 2 tiered invites at this age too, twice it involved a limo, one time pick up was the school gates. DD nor her friends took offence at not being included in both treats, but were instead very grateful to be invited at all. IMHO, it’s not unkind to presume that your DCs friends haven’t been brought up to be self entitled brats & at 9/10 years old, don’t have the social skills of a 5 yo🙄

manicmij · 08/11/2017 11:24

Laser tag and limousine don't seem to go together to me. A bit odd combination. If half go on each journey will be manic trying to ensure they all have transport. If you are desperate to impress use a limousine to take them for a pizza or something.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 08/11/2017 14:07

a birthday party as an excuse to tell NINE year olds that "life isn't fair"?

I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with some of you. I actually despair at the kinds of minds who would think that's ok.

RockinHippy · 08/11/2017 15:14

Personally I despair for the kind of minds that don’t allow their DCs to grow up & think treating a 9/10 yo like a 5 yo is normal & doesn’t have them grow into self entitled teens & adults with no resilience 🤔

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 08/11/2017 16:06

It's not treating them like 5 year olds, it's just treating them like human beings.
And not being a dick for no good reason.

There are lots of ways to learn resilience, treating kids badly at birthday parties is not one of them.

HolyShet · 08/11/2017 16:09

IMHO, it’s not unkind to presume that your DCs friends haven’t been brought up to be self entitled brats & at 9/10 years old, don’t have the social skills of a 5 yo

IMHO it's better for those hosting and organising parties to also have better social skills than a 5 year old, who doesn't realise that their choices may hurt feelings.

Resilience my arse.

RockinHippy · 08/11/2017 16:12

Sorry but I disagree.

Would you rather bring your DC to be upset when they aren’t invited to every party, or if there is ever a 2 part treat as in this case, that they only get invited to one bit. ??

Or would you rather they think, “no big deal, I’m not upset, I am grateful for the invite I did get, not dwelling on it & I want my other friends to have a great time & I’ll look forward to hearing about it later” ??

I know which I prefer

RockinHippy · 08/11/2017 16:19

IMHO it's better for those hosting and organising parties to also have better social skills than a 5 year old, who doesn't realise that their choices may hurt feelings.

Nice idea, but that’s not real life & very few can afford to cater for a whole class when they get to this sort of age. Also why should the Birthday DC miss out on a treat, just because other DCs have been brought up to expect an invite to everything, rather than be grateful for the times they are included. Really daft IMHO

& FTR, my DD was on the receiving end of something very similar to this, at exactly this age, also a Limo ride offered by a family friend. Birthday girls parents were very apologetic as they couldn’t include the whole group & DD wasn’t closest to the birthday girl, so she didn’t get the limo ride. DD wasn’t bothered at all, not one bit

HolyShet · 08/11/2017 16:22

tbh Rocking my kids - having been, as most have, through way worse disappointment/hurt than that, would be fine and accepting about such an arrangement.

But this is a birthday party, not an object lesson. And very poor manners.

Part of being a host is thinking first about your guests.

RockinHippy · 08/11/2017 16:28

Part of being a host is thinking first about your guests

& part of being a guest at a birthday party is understanding that on this occasion it’s about the birthday girl/boy & not you.

ChocolateDoll · 08/11/2017 16:36

RockinHippy has very poor manners!!

Nice of her to be worried about other children's levels of resilience though.

HolyShet · 08/11/2017 16:37

Rocking Hippy - that's precisely what I mean. It's not.

RockinHippy · 08/11/2017 16:55

Don’t be so bloody ridiculous. 🙄 I have never actually done this myself, but I stand by the fact that I see no real harm in it, especially if you don’t bring your DCs up to expect an invite to everything, but instead, nurture them to be more understanding, not take it personally & be grateful for the invites they do get. You know like the well rounded adults you hope they will grow into

HolyShet · 08/11/2017 17:12

or alternatively, don't bring your kid up to be a birthdayzilla

OP should just do the added extras another day. Double the fun. No-one left out.

RockinHippy · 08/11/2017 17:13

🙄

Swipe left for the next trending thread