To exclude some guests from part of DDs birthday celebration?

[RogerThatOver]

DD wants to have a laser tag party for her birthday and there's a minimum of ten children that you have to pay for. I'd like to surprise her with a limo trip there but obviously not everyone can fit in. The limo I'm looking at booking would fit me, her, two of her siblings and three best friends in. I was thinking of having the three best friends over for a sleepover the night before and meeting the other guests at laser tag. But is it unreasonable to exclude some guests in this way do you think?

Yes it is unreasonable to exclude some guests

Nope, don’t do it!

It sounds like you have made your mind up.

Hopefully you'll have the good manners to let the less resilient know that the A listers will be excited and chattering about the limo ride so they can prepare their not hurt/dont care faces for the parry

I hate these two tier events, might as well write to the children. Some kids are being invited to make up the numbers but being given a clear message that they're not her close friends.
Why not do the sleepover and limo and take just those kids to a meal or something?

All or none in the limo. Easiest would be for you and siblings to travel separately.

Otherwise it will start the party off with a rather unpleasant them and us atmosphere.

Yes it would be unreasonable, doesn't matter how resilient the children are.

I think it's a really bad idea.

Totally unreasonable OP. Totally!

OP it is very bad manners to treat guests differently. Doing it to children is nothing short of cruel.

YABVVU

Hopefully you'll have the good manners to let the less resilient know that the A listers will be excited and chattering about the limo ride so they can prepare their not hurt/dont care faces for the parry

Or decide not to turn up at all. Laser tag isn't really good with a small number of players.

You think her 10 year old B list friends are going to be happy with your DD lording it over them in a limo?

How would it make you feel if your friends did something like that? It would be a horrible thing to do.

Of course YWBU. Very hurtful to create a perception of first and second class friends.

If you are so sure that your DD would rather have you and all your children there rather than her friends, why not do it as a family Christmas treat and allow each of your children one guest?

YABVU

It's very mean to invite some kids to only half a party.

If DD wants to do two things then fine but on two separate weekends.

If you and the siblings don't go in the limo would all the friends fit? I still wouldn't have the sleepover either side of the laser tag party though.

A limo!! Oh fgs.

Setting aside my snobbery, no, it's a mean thing to do.

Wow a unanimous YABU. I bet OP is going to do it anyway.

Any 10 year old I have seen after a sleepover is whey faced, sunken eyed, sullen, sleepy etc by half way through the day.

OP, it sounds as if you are trying too hard.

I’m really not getting the collective angst against this idea DD has been in the “B list” of friends in a similar situation & she’s also been in the “A list” group. On neither occasion did she feel left out or smug that she was included. They are not 5 anymore, imho way past the age to learn that you don’t always get included in everything & that’s still okay & doesn’t make you less of a person, just that sometimes allowed numbers do limit the number of possible invitations. It would be different if your DD used it as a power tool amongst her friendship group, as did happen to DD in one occasion, but that’s unlikely.

As for a limo is tacky, isn’t a lot of what kids this age like, tacky isn’t the party for them, nit the adults, therefore so what if it’s tacky🙄

As kids get older, Birthday treats become more expensive & with popular DCs often impossible to invite the whole friendship group & as in life with adults, some will be closer to the OPs DD than others, that’s life why make it into something it’s not & use it to teach your DCs that it’s not about them, but the situation & not to take it personally, they will be included in the “A List” group at other times. IMHO it’s a better way of dealing with it, than feeding the self entitled idea that your DCs deserve to always be at the top of the invite list. Doesn’t exactly prepare them well for life does it.

If you want to do this in a more fair way though, you could try what we did one year when DDs main birthday treat meant she could only take one friend with her. They pulled straws & the winner came along & the rest all came along to a lest expensive get together

Nope, sorry, I'm another YABU.
Seriously not a good idea to have half invited to a sleepover/limo and then straight onto the party, you either invite all guests or none of them.
Can't you see that the A list party goers are going to be chatting excitedly about the party/sleepover/limo before going, and then full of inside gossip and giggles from the party the night before.
Recipe for disaster!

I hate those limo's, as i do anything that i associate with the fake world of "celebrity". I think they're pretentious and tacky, sorry.

Resilience .... or expecting parents if not children to have some manners, and expect their children to learn those manners? Birthday parties should not be opportunities for other children to show resilience in the face of being left out.

I'd do limo and sleepover on a separate day. Or have limo come after laser tag once other children are gone as a surprise before a sleepover

So give DD the choice - she can have the limo, but only if she has it with all her friends instead of family?

Are you hoping this will end up in The Sun like your other thread?

i am honestly quite surprised that limo parties are still a thing! i remember going to some when i was younger and thinking it was amazing, but didn't think kids would be impressed with that kind of thing these days.

i would say don't do it. unless whoevers driving the limo wants to do two pick ups/drive/drop offs then its not fair

Speaking as the parent of a non-resilient B list child, this is a terrible idea. She'd start by being delighted to have been invited, and then end up more crushed by being excluded from conversations about it by not having done the A list parts. It smacks of being good enough to make up the , but not good enough for the 'proper' treat.