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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To exclude some guests from part of DDs birthday celebration?

214 replies

RogerThatOver · 05/11/2017 22:40

DD wants to have a laser tag party for her birthday and there's a minimum of ten children that you have to pay for. I'd like to surprise her with a limo trip there but obviously not everyone can fit in. The limo I'm looking at booking would fit me, her, two of her siblings and three best friends in. I was thinking of having the three best friends over for a sleepover the night before and meeting the other guests at laser tag. But is it unreasonable to exclude some guests in this way do you think?

OP posts:
WillowWeeping · 05/11/2017 23:35

I wouldn't do it - two tier birthday parties always end in tears from the kids and bitching from the parents.

RogerThatOver · 05/11/2017 23:46

I wouldn't have posted if I was planning on doing it anyway - that's why I asked.

Honestly if DD was in a similar situation as a non limo child she would understand that only a certain number of people fit in it and that she isn't as close to the birthday child as another child. But I appreciate that not all children would be as resilient.

OP posts:
FrayedHem · 05/11/2017 23:58

O.k. book the limo. Just make sure the non-limo children are made aware in advance so they can decide whether they are resilient enough for your daughter's party.

ManInTheMoonMarigold · 06/11/2017 00:02

I think the limo is too big a thing to exclude people from.

I don't really have a problem with some of the party-goers being excluded from a sleepover if they have sleepovers frequently anyway. That feels more like a secondary add-on activity to the main party in a way that the limo-ride does not.

Butterymuffin · 06/11/2017 00:10

So your DD would be resilient enough to understand if she didn't make the grade to be a limo guest at a party, but isn't resilient enough to travel in one without her siblings?

Just have the laser tag party for everyone, and get parents to drop off / pick up soon there. Leave the limo thing for another year.

DoubleDinghyRapids · 06/11/2017 00:56

My own dd wouldn’t give a shit if she were one of the non limo friends, i genuinely don’t think her peers would give a shit either, but I still wouldn’t allowe my dd to do it. It’s not about resilience.

If she wants to do something special with only her close friends that’s fine. If she wants to do something with not so close friends, also fine. Overlapping the former with the second nit so much.

It kind sounds like the only reason there’s more than her three best friends invited to laser tag is because you have to pay for a minimum of ten children, you don’t want to pay for ten and on,y take five for eg? Or the on,y way dd can do it is if she takes ten, so it was never going to be more that dds three best friends ? If dd wanted cinema for eg would the same children going to laser tag be also going to cinema?

I’d not want to risk other kids or their parents thinking they only invited because you had to pay for ten regardless, so may as well have people there, if she were always going to have these guests as they are close friends then they’d be in plans for other bday activities? I’d feel bad making dd choose between her friends. It’s sounds like if you could pay for just three friends at laser tag, then that’s what you’d have done? If not, and they also her good friends, then why would you consider transport that didnt include them all? If limo is cheap as it’s mates rates then can you not book two and all kids leave to venue from your house? Or the limo takes the other friends home over a few runs?, birthday girl stays in the whole time obv. Sleepover week before or after if she can’t have them all there.

Smaller numbers were all can do everything, or if they have to be divided into groups and some not do limo, then I’d really have that a different weekend.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 06/11/2017 01:18

Limo when they're 10?

Cool, what will you do when they're 11 and 12 and 13?

You do realise you're on a hiding to nothing don't you?

ILikeyourHairyHands · 06/11/2017 01:19

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PastaOfMuppets · 06/11/2017 02:29

OP, you asked for opinions and have been given them. How many more people need to tell you this is tacky, stupid and will exclude children, before you stop defending the idea?

Clearly you are the one wanting the limo. FFS don't do this, seriously. 😒

sweetsomethings · 06/11/2017 05:22

You can not be serious of course you are being unreasonable . Such a horrible nasty thing to do can you imagine all the other kids feelings when the limo pulls up with the chosen few .

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 06/11/2017 05:45

If anything, I think it would be better to do it after the laser tag as a surprise for your DD and her friends. Then they won’t be talking about it endlessly to make the others feel bad.

But I just wouldn’t do it at all. Everyone joins in with everything or it doesn’t happen at all. I have been a second rate friend and it made me feel shit. I still remember the feelings quite clearly now and I still feel like the majority of my friends only tolerate. I’m not blaming this on a few parties but it certainly didn’t help me.

Psychobabble123 · 06/11/2017 05:49

I have a 10 year old DD, just asked her if she'd like a trip in a limo, she said no. She said it would "make her cringe its so lame".

lolalotta · 06/11/2017 05:55

I think it would be really mean to other excluded kids, please don't do it!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 06/11/2017 06:00

*”only tolerate me” that should say.

MrsJamin · 06/11/2017 06:01

So mean, don't do it! YABU

WeAllHaveWings · 06/11/2017 06:02

Let the other guests go in the limo and you and the siblings travel separately. Being so resilient your dd should be able to accept that better than the tier two, don’t really want you there but need you so my dd can have lasertag, children.

BhajiAllTheWay · 06/11/2017 06:05

Not a great idea. Either do it for all or none.Think you underestimate the dynamics of girls friendships really. You think they either won't know about it ( of course they will as the others will brag) or have some Zen like quality to be cool and not mind. I think you've decided to go with it anyway despite almost everyone on here's advice.

RainyApril · 06/11/2017 06:06

Since the limo belongs to your cousin, it can easily be done at another time surely, or next birthday?

ScarletSienna · 06/11/2017 06:08

i would save it for another treat another time. It wouldn’t be nice for the others for all the reasons mentioned and I don’t think resilience has anything to do with it.

SuperBeagle · 06/11/2017 06:15

Christ, I didn't know limos were still a thing. Haven't seen one in years.

I wouldn't do it. Do the limo another time.

pictish · 06/11/2017 06:20

It's not about resilience, it's about having good manners and not segregating guests into VIPs and...not.
I wouldn't do it as I think it would be crass but that's me. It's up to you.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/11/2017 06:36

Yes you can't have a list and b list at a kids birthday

Re plan Grin

Uptheduffy · 06/11/2017 06:43

Why is a birthday party a time for building or testing one's resilience?

Darkblueskies · 06/11/2017 06:44

Why do children need to be resilient at a party?
It's actually about good manners. Do you have good enough manners to put your guests first?

CamperVamp · 06/11/2017 06:51

I wouldn’t do a sleepover the night before laser tag.

The sleepover ones will be exhausted on no sleep, over excited, fractious and not enjoy an expensive party to the max.

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