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To have organised my daughters birthday in this way?

(271 Posts)
JeremySmile Thu 26-Sep-13 14:14:44

My 6 year old wanted a party with themed crafts for the girls and then a bouncy castle with the boys. Rather than having the boys waiting around/distracting from the crafts (can't afford to do crafts for boys and girls particularly as the boys in question very likely wouldn't be interested in crafts) I sent the invitations with different arrival times for boys and girls. The girls get 1.5 hours to do the girly things, then the boys join them for the remaining 2 hours of the party for food, games and the bouncy castle. No one that's invited has a boy and girl to bring, so it doesn't make life difficult for anyone. However, one of the boys mums has commented that he'll be 'upset' that he didn't get to be there for the whole party. AIBU in doing this?
Also, my daughter handed out the invitations at the end of the school day and they were a bit different to usual invitations (not just your standard envelope) and two of her classmates were crying because they hadn't received one. There are 30 children in my daughters class so no way I could afford to invite them all, my dd had written a list of who she wanted to invite based on who she plays with. Neither of the crying children had invited dd to their party, yet their mums both gave me filthy looks and were making a big deal of consoling them. First of all I felt bad and that maybe I should've made more effort to hand the invitations to the mums of invited children discreetly, but then dd pointed out that she didn't cry when she wasn't invited to their parties, and 'they've got to understand they can't have everything in life at some point'. These children had handed out their invitations at school too. AIBU for doing this and thinking the dirty looks aren't justified?

GoofyIsACow Thu 26-Sep-13 14:16:29

Wow, parties are hideous enough with the politics and stuff, you have just added a whole heap of sexist generalisation into the mix, obviously it is your choice but my opinion is YABU.

WhoNickedMyName Thu 26-Sep-13 14:16:48

This is the weirdest party I've heard of. Are you giving out pink and blue party bags too?

And if you left just 2 children out of a class of 30, that's really mean.

JeremySmile Thu 26-Sep-13 14:17:34

No didn't just leave 2 out, 18 were invited.

Re boy and girl thing, can't see a problem with that.

So, out of 30 kids you invited 28 or did I read that wrong?? If you only left 2 kids out then I think YABU, esp giving out the invites at school. To be honest, I don't get the hysteria about birthday invites and some people do get het up over it but really, just leaving out 2 kids seems a bit mean! If you left quite a few out though and just those 2 took offence then no, YANBU!!

ben5 Thu 26-Sep-13 14:18:45

You sound like you have a wonderful daughter. The kids who cried have to learn they can't be invited to everyone's birthday. I think it sounds a great idea. Hope she has a wonderful day

ilovepowerhoop Thu 26-Sep-13 14:18:51

YABU to split the party up. Why shouldnt boys do crafts and girls get to play on the bouncy castle - very weird!

ok cross posted, then no, ignore the dirty looks! smile

WilsonFrickett Thu 26-Sep-13 14:19:31

Is this for real? Or have I fallen through a wormhole back to the 1950s?

Balaboosta Thu 26-Sep-13 14:19:31


rubyslippers Thu 26-Sep-13 14:20:00

this has to be a wind up???

segregated birthday activities based on the gender of the children


SoupDragon Thu 26-Sep-13 14:20:07

So the boys are second rate guests who are only invited to half the party? confused

And you didn't discreetly hand out your ostentatious invites to a non-whole-class party?

Sparklymommy Thu 26-Sep-13 14:20:20

Oh the "why didn't my child get an invite" look! My dd at the age of nine had a disco and invited 60 (yes, I was MAD) children but we STILL had a couple of upset children because they didn't receive an invite.

However the children in question are not my dds friends, and had been particularly nasty that term. I just brushed it off!

As for two start times, well I think it's a little unusual but if there are other boys being invited and coming at that time then I really don't see the problem.

Balaboosta Thu 26-Sep-13 14:20:22

Oops. Sexist claptrap! Are you Edwardian?

JeremySmile Thu 26-Sep-13 14:20:25

Girls still get to play on the bouncy castle! Crafts are wand and wing making etc. the boys would not be interested.

LeslieKnope Thu 26-Sep-13 14:20:57

Are the girls going to tidy up the aftermath of the party too while the boys retire to the drawing room for cigars and brandy??


Suzieismyname Thu 26-Sep-13 14:21:32

I think there were 2 crying from the ones that hadn't been invited. Well I hope. 28 out of 30 would be very inconsiderate.
op your DD sounds very grown up. Well done!

rubyslippers Thu 26-Sep-13 14:21:34

My DS would love to do any crafts at all

roweeena Thu 26-Sep-13 14:21:42

Just sounds shockingly sexist to me! Gender stereotyping on a ridiculous scale - why can't the boys do crafts?

HeadfirstForHalos Thu 26-Sep-13 14:22:15

YABU, this is weird.

As for leaving kids out, if you're not doing a whole class party then I reckon invite half or less.

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 26-Sep-13 14:22:37


My son would love to make a wand!

heavenstobetsy Thu 26-Sep-13 14:22:44

this is exactly my DD's birthday party - bouncy castle and craft, with some party games thrown in. Mix of boys and girls, for the whole party. The boys were far more studious than the girls when painting their sun catchers.

YABU in making such gender stereotyps

YANBU however about giving out invitations, children do need to understand they can't be invited to every party

Sparklymommy Thu 26-Sep-13 14:23:21

Could you not have done a craft that was unisex?

givemeaboost Thu 26-Sep-13 14:23:33

IMO the only way to do parties is a very small group of friends OR the entire class, inviting 18 and leaving the rest out is a bit crap imo. If you were going to do that I think you should of given the parents the invites not had them handed out in class and making it obvious there were a small group who were not invited!!

HeadfirstForHalos Thu 26-Sep-13 14:23:40

I agree with the crafts, my ds would love to do crafts, even "girly" ones, one of my dds would avoid it and just want to get on the bouncy castle.

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