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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To exclude some guests from part of DDs birthday celebration?

214 replies

RogerThatOver · 05/11/2017 22:40

DD wants to have a laser tag party for her birthday and there's a minimum of ten children that you have to pay for. I'd like to surprise her with a limo trip there but obviously not everyone can fit in. The limo I'm looking at booking would fit me, her, two of her siblings and three best friends in. I was thinking of having the three best friends over for a sleepover the night before and meeting the other guests at laser tag. But is it unreasonable to exclude some guests in this way do you think?

OP posts:
Shylo · 05/11/2017 22:43

I think it's a bit much to be honest - you've not said how many children are at laser tag but if it were the minimum ten you'd have half the kids in the limo full of stories from the night before and five kids arriving at laser tag feeling like they've missed out on half the fun

Jinglebells99 · 05/11/2017 22:43

Yes, I wouldn't do that. How about you and the two siblings don't go in the limo so that all of the guests can. I think it would be horrible to be a second tier guest.

bananafanana1 · 05/11/2017 22:45

Yes it’s a bit mean. Who’d want to a second rate non- limo guest 🙁

Could you do the limo for another day out with friends as a treat?

PandaPieForTea · 05/11/2017 22:46

Do a second, completely separate event if you want to. Or do something smaller than laser tag. Just don’t do a split event - it’s worse to be invited to half an event than not be invited at all.

Neolara · 05/11/2017 22:48

Noooooo! Instead of making 10 kids feel great, 6 will feel crap (second class friends). Just do it and sleepover on a different day..

WeAllHaveWings · 05/11/2017 22:49

All her friends should be invited to every part of the party. They are only children, anything else is unkind. Alternatively have a smaller party/activity so everyone invited can all sleep over and do the limo instead of using the other children to make up numbers for your laser tag.

LoniceraJaponica · 05/11/2017 22:49

It will separate the guests into A listers and B listers. Please don't do it. DD has been to a few laser tag parties and there has never been a 10 person minimum. We usually go to Xscape at Castleford.

HannahHut · 05/11/2017 22:49

I always thought birthday parties in which it ends with some friends sleeping over and some not are cruel.

Imagine turning up and some of the kids have things to stay over and are talking about what they're going to do and you have to leave while they carry on hanging out.

Nanny0gg · 05/11/2017 22:51

But is it unreasonable to exclude some guests in this way do you think?

Yes.

And a limo for a 10 year-old? Really?

RainyApril · 05/11/2017 22:52

One of dd's friends did this every year, some sort of special extra treat that was only for her 'vip friends'. It used to upset everyone at primary but by the time they moved on to secondary, they were laughing at her for it (even the ones invited). Either way, not great, so I would avoid it for that reason.

OSETmum · 05/11/2017 22:52

No, I think it would be awful for the non-limo children. What are they meant to do as you pull up, applaude?

WorraLiberty · 05/11/2017 22:53

NannyOgg the OP hasn't said how old the child is, just that there's 10 guests.

I think it's a bad idea for the reasons already stated.

FrayedHem · 05/11/2017 22:53

No, don't do it. Unless you want the other children to know feel like they have only been invited to make up the numbers.

Original poster
RogerThatOver · 05/11/2017 22:55

The sleepover would be before, not after Hannah. Her siblings won't be taking part in the laser tag and we'd arrive before the guests so they didn't see, but obviously it's get mentioned.

OP posts:
Caulk · 05/11/2017 22:55

Don’t do it.

HeddaGarbled · 05/11/2017 22:55

Tiers of invitations are unpleasant and divisive and can actually cause problems within friendship groups. Save the limo for a different occasion.

Original poster
RogerThatOver · 05/11/2017 22:56

She is ten. It's my cousins limo so he's offering it to me cheaply, it's not that extravagant

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/11/2017 22:57

What about the party fire engine rather than a limo? You’ll be able to fit all of them then.

Only1scoop · 05/11/2017 22:57

Yabu

Limo tacky and grim

HannahHut · 05/11/2017 22:58

Okay so they all arrive at the laser tag place and get to hear about how much fun she had with her best friends at the sleep over. (I'm assuming these friends will be the ones in the limo too?).

I'm sure that'll make the others feel great. Hmm

lunar1 · 05/11/2017 23:00

You daughters second class friends will feel really special I bet!

MrsKnightley · 05/11/2017 23:00

Take half there and half back. Everyone gets a go. Birthday girl goes both ways.

FrayedHem · 05/11/2017 23:01

I thibk a link for 10 year olds is perfectly fine. But not in the way you are planning where not all the party goers get to go in it.

alittlebitoflove · 05/11/2017 23:02

Does she have a certain best friend? Because I think it would be unfair with a few children staying over without all the children however one special friend is different.
If it was just her closest friend it would be understandable however a group staying over but not the rest would be unfair, because at least when it’s the one closest friend, everyone knows they’re your daughters closest friend and it’s understandable and expected however if it’s only a select few staying , it would seem to the others more hurtful as they haven’t been selected but others have and would feel excluded. Flowers

AnneEyhtMeyer · 05/11/2017 23:04

Agree - limo very tacky and bad form to have A and B level guests.

Also, what is the point of you and her siblings being in the limo?