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AIBU?

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Original poster

So wtf was Adam Sandler DOING??

209 replies

MrsOverTheRoad · 29/10/2017 11:30

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-5027717/Twitter-slams-Adam-Sandler-touches-Claire-Foy-s-knee.html

Yes it's the DM sorry.

He kept touching her knee! What was that all about then??

OP posts:
whiskyowl · 30/10/2017 15:38

I think if a woman deliberately removes your hand in a way that is embarrassed from her knee, and you put it back there, you've crossed a line in terms of ignoring her obviously-expressed wishes.

His films are almost uniformly awful, but I was shocked to see he could act well in Reign over Me.

Mumof56 · 30/10/2017 15:43

Lee Mac asked Gwyneth Paltrow to cup his balls. For whatever reason she agreed to it

I remember watching it happen and wondering if she did it so as not to “cause a scene”

bull. he asked her to feel his knees. your memory is faulty.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=UjOsT_kUygo

SomethingNewToday · 30/10/2017 15:56

He said something about "just like you"
Puts hand on her knee,
Moves his hand as she moves her hand,
Sees it out of the corner of his eye, assumes she was going to touch his hand, moves his hand back, she puts her hand on his, removes her hand, he moves his, boring story continues

Yes that's what I think. She didn't 'Push his hand off' or anything like it.

It's an awkward exchange, definitely...like a when you try and dodge someone on the street only they move the same way and you end up doing a stupid 'dance'.

But I don't think he was making inappropriate advances or anything of the kind.

Pumperthepumper · 30/10/2017 16:36

Something don't you think it's inappropriate to put your hand on a young, female colleugues knee though?

StickThatInYourPipe · 30/10/2017 16:56

Pumperthepumper It elraally depends on the context. If I was talking about KPIs and someone randomly touched me (at all) I would be very put out. If I was having a personal conversation and someone related something to me and comfortingly put their hand on my knee, I wouldn't care. People touch each other to show kindness as well as to be sexual. It also depends on how it happens. I know I have done similar when talking to people.

SkyBlue17 · 30/10/2017 17:02

You don't touch the knees of other people full stop (unless it's your spouse in bed kind of thing).

Arealhumanbeing · 30/10/2017 17:06

Mumof56

Asked her to, suggested that she did, raised the possibility as part of the “joke”. Whatever. My memory is fine, your perception is off.

She put up with a boat load of shit from Jonathan Ross in recent years too. Although I watched his show more recently and he appears to have packed it in. Good for him!

She was a victim of HW when she was very young. Funny how we fall into line sometimes isn’t it?

Pumperthepumper · 30/10/2017 17:28

Stick that's really interesting because I feel the opposite. I totally agree about context, you're right. I recently had a conversation with a female colleague who gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder, which was lovely and comforting, and appropriate in the context of the conversation. I think if she'd patted me on the knee I'd think it was odd, because that's more intimate. If I'd had that exact same conversation with a male colleague and he patted me reassuringly on the knee, I'd think that was really weird.

StickThatInYourPipe · 30/10/2017 17:32

Pumperthepumper To be honest, I would probably prefer to be touched on the shoulder unless I was sitting next to the person and they had to do a big showey movement out of it.

Really the men I work with and would have a personal conversation with, I consider good friends so probably wouldn't notice. When my male friends mum died recently, I put my hand on his hand which was rested on his knee.

If a total stranger did it, yes I would find it very strange (or any touch at all really, I don't overly enjoy being 'fussed' over anyway)

moomoo222 · 30/10/2017 17:38

You don't touch the knees of other people full stop (unless it's your spouse in bed kind of thing)

Really? Touching each others knees in bed!? Funnily enough that isn't the area I normally go for - seems rather niche!

I would have thought knees were innocuous. If I were touching someone in a kind/making a point, non sexual, making human contact, in no way abusive or sexual or threatening way I would probably choose knee if we were sat side by side as they were. Or if I were facing them then possibly the hand or arm.

What the woman was doing in this clip (as so many previous posters have said) was attempting a connection with the top of his hand, which he didn't realise until he pulled away, then he repeated the action so she could complete it. She did not remove it or attempt to remove it, that isn't what happened, have a look & for the love of god please STOP LISTENING TO THE DAILY MAIL talking utter shite and making stuff up!! It was awkward (because of the misreading) but totally not an issue as she herself has said in a subsequent interview, and I believe her, I would also be totally fine with someone doing that (although also cringe at the awkward moment, as I do when you do the move out of the way dance and both go the same way), it is a non-issue.

All this outrage - as both myself and previous posters have pointed out totally devalues and minimises REAL abuse, it is not constructive and is really quite saddening.

grannytomine · 30/10/2017 18:09

Asked her to, suggested that she did, raised the possibility as part of the “joke”. Whatever. My memory is fine, your perception is off. Your perception is off, he certainly made himself available but no way did he ask or suggest she touch his balls. Why aren't people screaming about how awful that was.

Pumperthepumper · 30/10/2017 18:20

All this outrage - as both myself and previous posters have pointed out totally devalues and minimises REAL abuse, it is not constructive and is really quite saddening.

I don't follow this line of thinking either, sorry. I don't think anyone was suggesting that Claire Foy was being abused by Sandler, but that his behaviour was inappropriate. And actually, I think making the boundaries of 'inappropriate behaviour' quite wide is very useful when believing abuse victims because it makes it very difficult for the 'he was just being friendly, you're overreacting' comments to appear.

Harvestmoonsobig · 30/10/2017 18:22

Always wondered what could be the attraction of entering into an industry where simulating sexual encounters for public entertainment is considered an attractive career move. It's just a minefield for exploitation.

grannytomine · 30/10/2017 18:24

It devalues real abuse because when someone hears about some horrendous outrage and then finds out it was a non event then next time they are less likely to take it seriously.

tootiredtothink · 30/10/2017 18:33

Totally agree with StickThatInYourPipe

“To me it looks like he taps her on the knee as a personal gesture towards the conversation, she goes to put her hand on his but he removes it before she has a chance, she then reaches across to touch his hand to complete the action and he puts his hand back to let her do so. Seems like a bit of an awkward misunderstanding to be honest, I don't think she looks uncomfortable about being touched, more embarrassed at awkwardness of them misreading each other's moves.
It's a bit like when you are trying to move out of the way for someone and you both end up dancing about a bit.”

That’s exactly what happened. I just can’t understand how so many people are seeing an assault.

Pumperthepumper · 30/10/2017 18:42

It devalues real abuse because when someone hears about some horrendous outrage and then finds out it was a non event then next time they are less likely to take it seriously.*

Does that happen often though, that it turns out to be a non-event? I think enough people have said on this thread that they would not be happy in Claire Foy's place, so maybe Adam Sandler just got lucky that she didn't mind?

So following that logic, if Adam Sandler does it again to someone who DOES mind, she's probably less likely to question it because when he did it to Claire Foy it was shrugged off as no big deal?

Arealhumanbeing · 30/10/2017 18:59

Why aren't people screaming about how awful that was.

Because it wasn’t. Men are not raped and murdered every day by women and we live under patriarchy. Therefore the dynamic is different.

The invitation was implicit in him raising the possibility of her touching his balls for the same reason she had touched his knees. it was not an explicit invitation. So it’s a little more complicated than you are suggesting.

Either the joke has completely passed you by because you (and you Mumof56) are so desperate to draw a comparison, or you are seeking to derail the thread.

There. The first and last long response I will write for you two.Smile

grannytomine · 30/10/2017 19:02

I'm glad Claire Foy wasn't upset but I think the real point is how people are interpreting it. Was it a bit of an awkward mix up as described by StickThatInYourPipe or was he a dirty old man touching a young woman's knee? Some of us see it one way and some see it another, maybe we should just accept that Claire Foy was actually there and not at all upset.

I think this was a non event, I think there have been several instances of non events lately, I've heard several actresses talking about Harvey Weinstein and some of them have sounded non events. He asked them for a massage, or offered a massage they declined and left. Well if you are a grown up, obviously totally different if we are talking about children, people ask you out, some times it is crass but as long as they accept it when you say no then where's the harm? Do we really want a society where a man, or woman, takes their lives and reputations in their hands if they want to ask someone out for a drink? Doesn't really matter to me at my age, not planning any romantic adventures and anyway my husband would object, but for younger people it seems very miserable.

grannytomine · 30/10/2017 19:05

Arealhumanbeing so men are fair game then? I think that is a disgusting attitude, it wouldn't be acceptable in anyway for a man to fondle a woman like that and it is no more acceptable for a woman to do it.

moomoo222 · 30/10/2017 19:07

But he didn't DO anything! It wasn't what the Daily Mail said it was.

There are countless explanations of the actual moment & what actually happened on here which you are choosing to ignore.

Seriously, there is nothing to be outraged or concerned about 'next time' for because nothing of note happened!

No rational thinking person is going to have a fit of the vapours in real life because their knee was publically touched during the telling of an anecdote!

Pumperthepumper · 30/10/2017 19:19

I'm not choosing to ignore anything. He put his hand on her knee. I think that was inappropriate given the context - he's an older male, he didn't know her well and he didn't have to touch her at all.

Other people think that's fine. I don't think anyone is arguing that he didn't touch her at all?

'Next time' ie next time he puts his hand on the knee of a young female he doesn't know very well, she might not like it. It may be someone who has a past history of unwanted touching who feels uncomfortable with it. How would he know?

Arealhumanbeing · 30/10/2017 19:34

Arealhumanbeing so men are fair game then?

No @grannytomine they’re not. Of course they’re not.

That isn’t what I said and it isn’t what I meant. You have no insight whatsoever and I can’t be bothered to spell everything out for you.

ChocolatePHD · 30/10/2017 19:41

Bottom line: you're sitting next to some bloke you don't know. He is telling an anecdote. He puts his hand on your knee. Do you feel ok with that? I wouldn't. I'd be like wtf do you think you're doing mate, keep your hands to yourself!

grannytomine · 30/10/2017 20:06

Arealhumanbeing I said, "Why aren't people screaming about how awful that was."

Your reply was "Because it wasn’t. Men are not raped and murdered every day by women and we live under patriarchy. Therefore the dynamic is different."

I read that as you saying that it wasn't awful and because men aren't raped and murdered by woman every day it isn't awful for random women to go round touching men's balls but a man touching a woman's knee is awful.

I wouldn't be very happy if passing women thought it was OK to walk up to my husband, or my sons, or my grandsons and touch them like that, I would think it was alot more worrying than a man touching my daughter's knee.

I can't be bothered with your sexist attitude.

Elendon · 30/10/2017 20:13

It's not an acceptable thing to do.

And Adam Sandler is not ageing well. In mind, in spirit and in looks.