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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You're so lucky that your husband helps around the house

180 replies

zumabuma · 20/10/2017 14:29

What is wrong with society these days? I am "lucky" that my husband "helps" me around his own house???!!
Helps???
This use of word I'd really bringing me to a rage just lately. This is supposed to be the 21st century when women go out to work too, why are young women still so "grateful" when their husband does something to "help" at home?
It's angering me. My DH is almost given angel-like treatment by female friends, because he's so "helpful."
He does his share. That's it!

OP posts:

onefortheroadplease · 20/10/2017 14:30

You are lucky though!

Msqueen33 · 20/10/2017 14:31

My mum says this. Admittedly I'm a sahm but two of my children have special needs especially my youngest who is only out of the house an hour a day.

It really pisses me off! It's called doing his fair share. Yet my mum will complain my dad doesn't cook yet I should cook all the time for my dh. Other women can be a woman's own worst enemy.

SayNoToCarrots · 20/10/2017 14:33

It irritates me too, he doesn't help, he does his fair share. I'm not lucky, you are unlucky.

Original poster

zumabuma · 20/10/2017 14:37

It's ludicrous.
I've known women take photographs when their husband has cleaned their bathroom or kitchen as a one off and share it on facebook for all to see how wonderful he is, explaining how "proud" they are of him.
Imagine if we took photographs each time we cleaned or did a pile of washing? I'm so.proud of myself today... nobody would describe our husbands as "lucky" would they?!

OP posts:

MyHauntedToeHurtsBetty · 20/10/2017 14:50

HAHAHA this is hilarious... it makes me choke when someone says their OH has "helped".... Just boaksome..

demirose87 · 20/10/2017 14:54

I can see it both ways to be honest. My partner works all day while I'm the stay at home parent and will still do his share when he comes home, but having four kids, one of which a newborn and one possibly autistic is a full time job in itself so I probably work just as hard and I am grateful that he does do those things and not all just left down to me.

Original poster

zumabuma · 20/10/2017 14:59

Demi: the way I see it is that when DH is at work, your job is solely childcare particularly with 4 children, therefore the domestic tasks should be split when he's at home. However, with a newborn, and if you're breastfeeding also, then domestic tasks should largely fall to DH when he's at home, unless you can afford a cleaner of course. After all, taking care of a newborn is a 24/7 job, without anymore children to think about.

OP posts:

SomethingNewToday · 20/10/2017 15:01

It depends on the situation tbh.

I'm on maternity leave and ds3 is a happy and content baby so pretty easy to look after.

Dh is working a lot of hours at present because to make up for my lower wages. As such, i fully consider the housework/cooking/food shop etc to be 100% my job for the time being whilst I'm off.

But it's not...dh still does a fair bit around the house which I'm very grateful for. And as the house is my job, he is helping ME by doing it.

demirose87 · 20/10/2017 15:08

I was a single mum for years though before I met him and had our child together, so I think I'm just used to doing most of it myself as when I was on my own I had no choice. I just do what I can around the house as I go along as I can't just leave it, and if I don't have time for something he doesn't mind doing it when he gets home. The larger tasks we probably share equally. I think that's quite fair.

HornyTortoise · 20/10/2017 15:40

DH does most of the cleaning and near all of the cooking. Along with most of the childcare. I don't consider myself lucky. I consider people who have DHs who refuse to do their share as unlucky. I find it quite annoying at times when friends are talking about how useless their partners are them all going on about how lucky I apparently am

user1471449805 · 20/10/2017 15:45

They have low standards.

Mrskeats · 20/10/2017 15:49

This annoys me in another way. I’m not lucky-I just picked a man to marry who is an adult and shares the household tasks. There is no element of ‘helping’ involved.

HarryHarry · 20/10/2017 16:11

I also can't stand when people refer to men 'babysitting' their own children while their partner is at work.

Mrskeats · 20/10/2017 16:14

I agree harry
Is also think some women enjoy being a martyr and feeling all put upon. How can a man hold down a job but not be able to load a dishwasher etc?

SomethingNewToday · 20/10/2017 16:23

the way I see it is that when DH is at work, your job is solely childcare

If you have a newborn or during certain periods/illness etc yes. But all the time? I think that's ridiculous. In the majority of cases I don't think childcare is anywhere near a full time job that takes every second of your time, all day.

Dippydippydora · 20/10/2017 16:27

I have had from an older colleague
"you are so lucky to have a man who babysits your kids while you go out one evening a week and at other times so you can have a social life"
i think I replied something like "er they are his kids as well and he does not babysit them - he is their dad"
She laughed a tinkly laugh and said "oh you modern women how do your men put up with you"
I was

HarryHarry · 20/10/2017 16:32

It seems like some women have really low expectations of men generally, and perhaps not much respect for themselves.

user1471596238 · 20/10/2017 16:38

It's strange. I'm a 43 year old man and I always thought that this was something that was more indicative of my parents generation. Amongst my male and female friends, they just get on with domestic stuff together and we never have those 'so and so is lucky that their male partner helps out' conversations. The idea that a certain job belongs to a female seems ludicrous to me; I'm not saying that to try and curry favour, it literally is illogical.

PinkyBlunder · 20/10/2017 16:44

Ugh yes I hate this YADNBU. And the 'babysitting' thing too.

I often find myself saying that I have high standards and too much self respect to be stuck with someone to carry. We BOTH work, we BOTH make the home, we BOTH do childcare. Doesn't mean we're perfect and doesn't mean he doesn't get on my nerves either

YellowMakesMeSmile · 20/10/2017 17:34

Depends on the situation. If both at work all day they it should be split so there's no "helping" however I would say if one adult is at home all day and the other at work then they would be doing more than their fair share if they had to come home and start again with house jobs.

MaisyPops · 20/10/2017 17:39

I find it very strange.
My DH doesn't 'help' around the house. He does housework because he is an adult in the house and we are equals in our relationship.
Neither of us buy into the wifework idea so we both aim to do things as we ntoice thry need doing. Down side is sometimes we both forget but hey I can live with that.

Original poster

zumabuma · 20/10/2017 17:40

I am sometimes "at home all day" with DCS and I do not have time to do housework. Ever. Aside from the washing up/washing clothes/putting some clothes away. Vacuuming, dusting, mopping, bathroom/kitchen cleaning? You can forget it.

OP posts:

MyDcAreMarvel · 20/10/2017 17:42

Of course you have time to do housework with dc at home. If you are at home with the dc the vast majority of the housework should be your responsibility.

Fekko · 20/10/2017 17:43

I'm lucky as he does laundry, which I loathe. He's lucky that I'm a bloody good cook.

Original poster

zumabuma · 20/10/2017 17:54

MyDc... you're deluded.

OP posts:

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