You're so lucky that your husband helps around the house

[zumabuma]

What is wrong with society these days? I am "lucky" that my husband "helps" me around his own house???!!
Helps???
This use of word I'd really bringing me to a rage just lately. This is supposed to be the 21st century when women go out to work too, why are young women still so "grateful" when their husband does something to "help" at home?
It's angering me. My DH is almost given angel-like treatment by female friends, because he's so "helpful."
He does his share. That's it!

I also don't know any single person that gave up their career to be a "mummy"

I did

3 kids under two kinda does that for you

3 kids= a lot of work

24/7

DH works 40 hours a week

Tell me why he shouldn't split the evening chores? Cooking, washing up, bed time, bath, story???

Not while I'm sitting down of coarse we both porch in and do what's necessary - it's called team work

Except whatwould you aren't a childminder.
I don't get this argument.
It's like people who are SAHP saying 'well you wouldn't expect a member of nursery staff to do laundry'.

I cook my own meals, it is not comparable to being a cook.
I do my own admin, it is not the same as being a PA.
Someone may have their kids at home, but it's not the same as being a qualified childcare practitioner doing a job (and I seriously wish people would stop likening the 2. It's insulting to people who are qualified childcare professionals.)

People who kid themselves that when they are at home they are so swamped they couldn't possibly do basic chores come across very daft to me.

Yes I have three two year olds, twins and a very small age gap. At one point I had five children under the age of four . Was only for a month mind until dd3 turned 5.

And here is a picture of the three of them.

*Turned 4.

It makes me fume 😡

And don’t get me started on when men say they’re “babysitting” THEIR OWN KIDS

Well of course a SAHM isn't going to do as good a job with her kids as a qualified childcare professional if she's spending all her time with them doing housework Maisy

I don't refrain from hoovering because I'm 'swamped', but because I'm out with the kids or supervising messy play or reading stories or making sure dc1 doesn't nick dc2's share of building blocks

Please don't call me a liar op. I am far too busy with the house work to make up fake two year old dc

Quite a common view though isn't it.
Used to drive me insane that DH would expect me to do everything but it's just because his mum used to do all the housework (and still does) so he never learnt to lift a finger. Thankfully he's great now and we both do whatever needs doing, although his mum has actually commented 'ooh you've got him well trained'.
What I find more worrying is that even now my mum is exactly the same with my brothers and they are lazy arses, she'd have wiped the floor with me if I didn't pull my weight. Interesting how the different treatment still goes on and we wonder why the stereotypes are ingrained.

Yup. I’m going away for a weekend next March with a friend of mine. Chatting to a colleague about it, she was utterly gobsmacked that DH is quite happy to have all 3 kids for the weekend. “But how will he cope?” Same way I do when he’s away, I guess. “How did you get him to agree to pay for the flight?” I paid, with my money that I earn. I asked him if he was busy that weekend, he said no, so I said I’m flying to Edinburgh for the weekend. OK, he says, have fun. She could not grasp the concept at all

Someone may have their kids at home, but it's not the same as being a qualified childcare practitioner doing a job (and I seriously wish people would stop likening the 2.

Local nursery is full of 16:17:18 year olds

They don't have laundry elederly parents shopping etc to do aswell as the kids. They also get a lunch hour and tea breaks.

They do not get to be grateful to a male member of staff doing the same job because he has a penis

Me and my DH share things pretty equally as we run our own business together with 2 young kids. At the moment he does more housework and childcare than me as I'm a bit more tied up with work. His sister found out about this and told him he is being taken for a mug, being expected to do stuff like clean the loo and pick up the kids from school. The sister does everything for her DH and 3 boys and has a full time job. He told her to stop being so old fashioned and subservient and that if you are capable of having shits and kids you should take the responsibility of cleaning up after them too
Sadly it had no impact on her other than to confirm that my DH is indeed pussy-whipped

I don't get these old fashioned attitudes at all. Plenty of men do stuff around the house.

My husband is SAHP to 3 and I am yet to meet anyone that thinks it's a big deal. Only happens on MN.

DH does all the housework but no childcare. He moaned at me because DS2 didn't clean all the poo off the loo seat, but he's never helped him wipe his bum, or even got them a drink.

Totally agree. Food for thought though. How many women, whilst complaining about their husband's lack of household effort, will perpetuate the problem by over-mothering their own sons?

I've known women take photographs when their husband has cleaned their bathroom or kitchen as a one off and share it on facebook for all to see how wonderful he is, explaining how "proud" they are of him.

I, and most men I know, would be very embarrassed at this. I would find it patronising and demeaning. I clean up because I prefer to live in a clean house, not because I'm "helping".

Tbf, when the DCs were young I didn't find it hard to vacuum, mop, do laundry etc.

My DH has always done a huge amount around the house because sometimes I'm not there for days on end due to shift work. He loves cooking and hoovering, and cleans up better than me. He cannot iron, or do basic plumbing but I do that. I also hoover, clean up, dust etc if he's at work and I'm not. Like another poster said, it's called teamwork.

DH has come across sexism in the past. Such as taking DD to medical appointments and the doctor or nurse saying, "Now Mr Left Ear, don't forget to tell your wife that she needs to bring your daughter in next time." (Why, we never found out)
A teacher telling him, "please tell your wife that DD needs a clean PE kit for extra PE on Monday?"
"Where's her mother?" again, at a medical appointment.
"Is it your weekend for having her?" A stranger on a train.

It's boring and sexist and really? It's 2017!

These stories amaze me even more and show just how ingrained this inequality is in society. I also agree that some women choose to be subservient, yet some will still complain about their DH'S lack of help around the house, yet they wouldn't have it any other way. I don't understand the martyrdom, I have no desire to be this way, why do some women choose to be?

My DH just did 3 months shared maternity, everyone was amazed at how well he did ! What about my 6 months 😡
He did really well I’ll give him that but we do everything childcare, housework, work 50/50 he now understands how hard looking after our LO is and it changed our relationship.

Well, I count myself lucky that I didn’t marry a misogynistic twat who believes that housework is woman's work and does his fair share. But that is a reflection on our society - that I feel that I lucked out by finding such a man...it should be the norm.

It's not luck. I wouldn't marry a helpless selfish manchild.

You've just made a poor choice if that's how your dh behaves .

DH was a SAHD.
It used to make me livid when people threw in their tuppence worth, usually things like " How lucky you are to get your dinner made for you!"
"So great of him to think of doing the washing!"

Wtaf .
I took to replying the he was lucky I paid all the bills and kept a roof over our heads.
People can be ignorant and insensitive. Anything outwith their norm is too hard to comprehend, if your life isn't like theirs you're doing it wrong.

When I was on maternity leave I did do the vast majority of housework because I was there and could. My dc were pretty happy to play independently enough to run round with a vac or put some washing out.

My husband goes out at 6.30am and gets home at 6.30pm 6 days a week my daughter is at school and i work 12.00 -1.15 then 2.45 till 5.15 at our local school which takes me 5mins to get home I do everything that goes with running a house! Husband does a few bits here and there! But on his only day off I wouldn't expect him to do a lot of domestic stuff because while he has been at work all week I have managed a bit of me time.

This annoys me too.

BiL calls DP a 'house bitch' and insinuates I'm lazy because he's expected to help in the house with certain things. Mainly he does the dishwasher, cat trays and feeds the animals.

For context, I am at home with DS1 (2) and DS2 (9m) all week but work in a bar when they are in bed 24-30 hours a week. I cater for three different dietary requirements because of allergies (dairy, gluten, soya and some others - lots of planning as in early stages and hard work with lots of cooking). I do everything else 95% of the time BiL has been here a few times and calls him this because he's seen him make tea for guests while I'm getting ready and tidy up after I've left for work.

People actually tell me it's good of him to look after our kids while I'm at work! Seriously, wtf? They are half his, after all!!! Plus when he 'looks after them' they are asleep!!!!!!! it's not babysitting when they are your own kids.

Sorry that's ranty, but yes it's really bloody irritating.