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AIBU?

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Original poster

You're so lucky that your husband helps around the house

180 replies

zumabuma · 20/10/2017 14:29

What is wrong with society these days? I am "lucky" that my husband "helps" me around his own house???!!
Helps???
This use of word I'd really bringing me to a rage just lately. This is supposed to be the 21st century when women go out to work too, why are young women still so "grateful" when their husband does something to "help" at home?
It's angering me. My DH is almost given angel-like treatment by female friends, because he's so "helpful."
He does his share. That's it!

OP posts:
charmedrose · 22/10/2017 10:47

Do some people seriously think that the person who is out working all day, whether it's the man or the woman should also be doing the housework? If you've been out at work all day the person who stays at home most certainly should do the lions share. Fair do's.

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 10:51

I have never, ever experienced these comments. It's 2017

myusernameisnotmyusername · 22/10/2017 11:01

I used to get this at my old work place. I worked part time so every morning and had dd in the afternoons. I cooked dinner but they all used to comment how lucky I was he worked full time and made my lunch and did his share around the house. I do feel lucky he makes my lunches but we both do our share. Now I work full time we do equal shares.

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 11:04

Other than putting things like a pizza in the oven, I haven't cooked for my husband since 2011 when I cooked a few meals once as I thought I would learn. Never attempted it again.

We have been together 15 years and no-one has ever commented on this.

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 11:06

I did make him some sandwiches in 2004 when we first married. Again, never done that again either. It's really not that big of a deal.

GreenTulips · 22/10/2017 11:17

If you've been out at work all day

How would they avoid housework if they were single? They use cups and plates and food shopping need clean bedding plus ironing and vacuuming, need food cooked and bills paid clean clothes etc

Being at work all day is no excuse to not do your share.

If anything you are just adding to the pile rather than reducing it

GreenTulips · 22/10/2017 11:19

AND DH would get an hours lunch (bloody luxury as a SAHP) he'd also get to read the paper for an hours in each direction.

He also got paid holidays and sick pay

Both parents should help around the house and keep on top of it, being at work all day doesn't mean you get to lie on the sofa til teas ready

MaisyPops · 22/10/2017 11:23

Being at work all day is no excuse to not do your share
I agree.
The issue is what the share should be.

Someone out at work doesn't have a pass to do nothing but someone at work shouldn't be doing the same as someone who is at home.

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 11:25

When I am at home I do childcare as opposed to housework.

GreenTulips · 22/10/2017 11:25

No the issue is men being praised for 'helping' his partner

Not for 'just doing' his share

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 11:30

Who does this praising though? I don't think It's common nowadays. Many men on the school run. In my children's circle may have sahds. No-one sees it as weird.

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 11:39

And yes I expect my husband to have house clean and food cooked as he is a SAHP. That's what the role is.

StrawberryMummy90 · 22/10/2017 11:44

When I am at home I do childcare as opposed to housework.

And yes I expect my husband to have house clean and food cooked as he is a SAHP. That's what the role is.

Animal I'm confused, so when you're at home with the children you don't do housework but when your husband is you expect him to do all the housework as well as be with the children..?

StrawberryMummy90 · 22/10/2017 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn, duplicate post.

VileyRose · 22/10/2017 11:46

My OH does 50 50 of housework and childcare. He is just naturally like that and he loves it. I am a SAHM.

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 11:47

He cooks and keeps house clean in day. I see kids at evenings and weekends. My husband just does 16 hours a week in evenings. It's not messy when I get back. With the cooking I just can't cook, and never have been able to even when we both worked.

MaisyPops · 22/10/2017 11:48

animal With you.
Nobody praises my DH for doing his share. But maybe that is because he is friends with men who also do their share and our couple friends also understand the revolutionary concept of equality.

If someone chooses to marry or have children with a man child who doesn't pull his weight then surely it isn't surprising when he doesn't do anything.

StickThatInYourPipe · 22/10/2017 11:49

I'm grateful for the things my dp does around the house and he is grateful for the things I do around the house.

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 11:50

DH doesn't moan like SAHMs do either. He just does it.

silkpyjamasallday · 22/10/2017 12:08

These threads always turn so nasty, what are you all getting out of ripping into women who come on here for a bit of support because they are having a hard time? And the reason they are having a hard time is because of useless men, and it is much harder to leave a relationship than many realise, I don't understand the lack of compassion. And other women attacking those who are sahp and belittling it doesn't help, internalised misogyny at its most obvious.

We know that in general women take up more of the housework/childcare than men, that may not be your situations, but there are constant articles in newspapers about how the gender gap still reigns supreme when it comes to household tasks.

These women probably didn't think they were marrying a total shit who doesn't pull his weight, but if a man will treat his partner like that in terms of sharing the load in the early years with children it is indicative that there are probably other areas of their lives in which the woman is suffering, she may just not realise it herself, whether that's denial or just disappearing into the drudge of a life with no support. Men who do their fair share are still a minority because of gender roles being so entrenched in society, and men are almost always viewed more positively than women, men are given excuses.

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 12:27

Make sure your girls are the higher earners and the best. That's all you can do to change it. More girls go to uni that men nowadays. Show your girls they are too good for the slave labour work.

Ecureuil · 22/10/2017 12:28

DH doesn't moan like SAHMs do either. He just does it

Oh bog off. I don’t moan as a SAHM, as we have a system which we are both happy with and works for us. The SAHM’s who ‘moan’ are probably the ones who are genuinely treated as skivvy’s (picking up partners dirty underpants from next to the washing basket for example)

AnimalMechanicals · 22/10/2017 12:29

I was raised with the attitude I was too good to do this kind of thing. Some people might not have liked my mum's attitude, but It's served me well.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 22/10/2017 12:54

It's not so much the girls need teaching it's the boys. We have boys and we're very careful to make sure they see their dad doing lots of housework Grin

YellowMakesMeSmile · 22/10/2017 12:57

Both boys and girls need role models. Where both parents work and share the house and financial burden they see a partnership. If they are in an old fashioned household where dad works and mum stays home they will likely follow that route themselves as know no difference.

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