You're so lucky that your husband helps around the house

[zumabuma]

What is wrong with society these days? I am "lucky" that my husband "helps" me around his own house???!!
Helps???
This use of word I'd really bringing me to a rage just lately. This is supposed to be the 21st century when women go out to work too, why are young women still so "grateful" when their husband does something to "help" at home?
It's angering me. My DH is almost given angel-like treatment by female friends, because he's so "helpful."
He does his share. That's it!

I finish earlier than DH so generally go to the shop cook tea and pick up kids etc

After tea is the busiest time

Homework
Baths
Hair
Friends /play dates / clubs
Bed time teeth PJs
Sorting stuff for the next day - letters homework kit uniform books etc

I don't get to sit round so why should he? We're out numbered as it is

This really gives me the rage!!

I heard my MIL ask my DH if I was going to start “helping out” in the evenings and making sure he had dinner after work. We both pitch in very equally. I was pleased to say he corrected her batshit comment instantly. Cheek fucker!!!!

I love my MIL but that comment still goes through my mind and I can’t help but hold onto it. It’s so insulting!!

This really annoys me. It is 2017. No women is lucky if their DH ‘helps ‘ around the house. Their DH is an adult. Presumably they hold down a job? I blame their mothers and wives for enabling them. If you do everything, obviously they aren’t going to do their share. There is absolutely no reason why anyone’s DH can’t do the weekly shop, prepare meals, clean , laundry, shop for their DC’s school shoes, sort out childcare etc.

No woman has my sympathy if they moan about having to do everything and that their DH is lazy, if they don’t sort things out.

Bluebell - why is the fault of women only? Why is it not also the fault of these men's fathers too? Surely, they also have a responsibility to raise their sons to be capable, decent, respectful men.

my MIL says this at every opportunity she gets - 'wow, youre SO lucky that sons name helps with the kids, i never had help with any of my 4 you know, i did it all myself and kept a house! and i survived!tsk tsk''

Errrr - he is their FATHER you know. He helped make them, he should bloody well help look after them!

Suffice to say - we see them once a year

I agree with maisy. We have 3 children, one with disability, but my husband doesn't expect me to cook and clean when I have been at work

www.scarymommy.com/dad-puts-baby-in-bed-in-car-seat-twitter/?utm_source=FB

Different but similar sort of theme here...

"Atleast he tried...."

Well done to the Dad's for "trying."

I’m feeling like this and have just had a really horrible and upsetting argument with DH about it.

sunnyx your year off!? You must have an amazingly easy baby if your year of maternity feels like a year off! Does your baby not keep you awake at night or demand your attention in the day?

In the majority of cases I don't think childcare is anywhere near a full time job that takes every second of your time, all day. its funny though because turns out childcare is often a full time job for childminders,nannies etc.

I can't believe how easy caring for some of your children must be. I would question whether they are getting the attention they should be if you are managing to do childcare and do all the household chores at the same time yet still feel that your partner is working harder.

I am glad I get to spend ny days off and maternity leave with my children playing with them and caring for them and knowing that my DH will do his fair share of chores and not care if the house is a bit of a mess because I am at home caring for the children not providing a cleaning and housekeeping service.

Well, yeah, DH does his share of household/family tasks, proportionate to when he's at home.

When he visits his mum on a Saturday morning, then he helps her with her housework, since it's not his home.

I fall into this. I work full time, do drop offs and pick ups and then say DH is ‘good’ for what he does. ‘Good’ he ain’t - he does some things but not 50% of the work at home. Ok should be 50%. Good should be more than 50%. I teach this stuff. It just goes to show how ingrained it is that the woman should do all the work at home. Grr

Fruit corner - yes he needs my attention and wakes up for a feed once or twice a night but I love looking after him - he is not a chore.

I have the time to do more housework when OH works when baby is napping and I like to keep busy.

I agree it depends on baby and how many you have. I’m sure there are times when you have little time for housework in which case it should be more 50/50 but in my case I dpnt mind doing more.

My DH cooks all our meals. (I only cook for DD.) Most people can't believe their ears when I say this. Never mind that I do all the cleaning and laundry and DDs evening routine...

Totally foreign to me both me and OH work full time with one DC and split everything 50:50.

On maternity I did all of the housework because I was in the house all of the time. i would nap most afternoons too, so if he did surprise me by getting the vacuum out I would be pretty pleased and quite verbal about it..

Also there are a few women who shout really loud about how Important they are being SAHMs until their child is like 50 or something.. and their husbands are awful..

When I went back to work one day a week after our first child, DH would bring baby DS into the town I worked in to pick me up at 4pm. He would take DS to Starbucks for an hour for his afternoon feed, get the bottle warmed and a coffee for himself and enjoy a peaceful time. I finished early once and went to meet him there. The attention he was getting from women in there was staggering: it was like he himself had given birth at the very least! Women approached me after I’d sat down to congratulate me on “landing such a perfect catch”!!

That was 15 years ago and I do hope attitudes have changed but I fear not.

Fruitcorner: I too find myself wondering how much attention these children of housekeeping-childrearing-supermums are actually getting.
I genuinely cannot work out when in their day they have the time to clean their homes whilst entertaining, nursing, feeding, cooking for, tidying for, washing up for, playing with, comforting, washing, dressing, nappy changing, potty training young children...
Unless they've grown extra arms, or have parents who visit daily, I'm pretty sure they basically ignore their children.

Urghhhh this annoys me so much. The amount of attention DH gets for cooking most of our meals and for having taken DC to a baby group 3 times in his life is insane. I always get comments about how "lucky" I am and how much "easier" things are for me. Nobody says he is lucky that I also work full time, do all drops offs and pick ups, do most of the food shopping/cleaning/laundry/ironing/prep for nursery/sorting bills and household stuff/buying all the birthday presents etc and I'm the one who does ALL the night shifts when DC can't sleep. Thankfully DH tells me how grateful he is and in a year or so when our circumstances change I know he'll be able to do more of those things. It's crazy how so many families expect the woman to do all of this stuff, especially if they're also working!

Ssssh. But I don't believe a stay at home mummy is a real job..

I also don't know any single person that gave up their career to be a "mummy".

It's still very difficult to be a parent and have a job, full time, I know. But unless your looking after disabled children or have something else going o,n it's a choice.

It might be because your get more on tax credits. But it's still a choice, when I first went back to work I could earn more on benefits. And if you have a partner who works then at least be respectful towards the fact they pay for things. If not let them stay at home whilst you work..

Raising children, for the vast majority isn't that fucking difficult. It's certainly not a career..

Boomit: some of us juggle the 2. Working part-time and looking after DCs when not at work. I genuinely find going to work easier a lot of the time. It gives me a break.

Nobody is saying that being a SAHP is a career, but it is bloody hard work. Some parents have no choice but to stay at home when, for example, they have 2 young children to put into childcare, financially, it can make more sense for a parent to stay at home and not work at all.

Be "respectful" because they "pay for things"? How about be respectful to SAHPs who work full time for absolutely no pay whatsoever.

Such ignorance.

But before you decided to be a shap, did you not discuss what roles you would all play? Especially if you have 2 DC?

See I don't think being amazed that a man can manage basic parenting is very respectful of men

SAHPs don't work full time, what a load of rubbish.

As for not being able to clean a house whilst chidren are present, I don't know anyone bar on MN that couldn't do both unless the children were really ill.

Really? This isn't about SAHP doing childcare and all the house work, plenty of mums have full time work and run a home and children's care/activities/school

The issue is Men being praised for parenting or chores

If woman can do it so can men

I work part-time. I don't spend my days with the dc cleaning for the same reason that I'd sack my childminder if I found out that was how she was spending her time when she has them.

(She doesn't of course, she's brilliant)