To be MORTIFIED at this question from DS...

[bestoutofthree]

My 12 year old came in to the bedroom just now...

DS: "Mum this is kind of a weird question and I don't know about asking it."
Me: What is it?
DS: How often do you and Dad have sex?
Me: Oh. Are you sure you want to know?
DS: Yeah
Me: Once or twice a week I guess
DS: Oh. Now NEVER say that again.
Me: You asked! And I double checked! You can always ask me any questions you know.

Even though I tried to seem calm and cool, it felt just really odd. Maybe because I was taken by surprise.

I am a very modest person and never talk about sex with friends at all, but DS has far fewer inhibitions and often mentions things I find embarrassing. I would never in a million years have asked that question of my mother!

Has anyone had discussions like that with their DC? I expect normal 'what is sex' conversations but didn't expect personal questions like that.

I would have told him it wasn't his business.

I think I probably would have told him it's none of his business or at least asked why he wanted to know. I'm happy to answer general questions but I don't know about ones so personal.

I can't say I've ever asked my mum this, but I know when I was learning about sex I wondered a lot about things like this and how much people were having sex. I'd say it's a credit to you that he feels comfortable to ask you the question, even if he didn't like the answer!

I probably would have asked why he wanted to know. Seems like an odd response to your answer.

There are boundaries in any relationship. It is inappropriate for anyone to enquire about your sex life, unless its a HCP. Be that your parents, children or friends. Some things just are private.

I never asked about sex as I was younger - but actually when I was 7 or 8 a couple of my friend's parents divorced and I became terribly anxious about how much physical affection my parents showed each other... I found pretending I found them kissing terribly embarrassing worked a treat (aided by my little brother who was genuinely embarrassed) as it became a family joke!

Tbh he asked and you felt ok in answering. It's not as if you casually mentioned it to the cashier at Tesco or something. It's typical that he'll feel grossed out by it. But there we go. He asked a question and got an answer.

I think my dcs would ask. They are knowledgeable about the mechanics of sex but not about the fact it is also a recreational activity. Add in the fact their father doesnt live with us as he had remarried, they might well assume that sex is only for procreation. I am sure as they get older they will work it out and have questions to ask.

Did you ask him why he wanted to know? That is a very personal question and to be honest I would've probably told him it was none of his business. But there was obviously a reason he asked. Any chance it was a roundabout way of him letting you know that he's well aware you have sex and maybe you need to keep it down?

I'm impressed with once or twice a week!

Maybe he's comparing with his friends over Facebook and you'll earn the most embarrassing parent award cos the others won't admit they have done it since the conception if the enquiree?

Oh - and they'll all share with their parents and you'll see lots of raised eyebrows.

Also - your DS will need therapy. :)

oh I think you should have used the opportunity to teach him about boundaries!

I would definitely have told him to mind his own! It's an innapropriate question.

Oh no now I regret answering.. I was caught off guard.

Does he usually ask such...odd questions?

Why didn't you tell him that was private he is 12 do you really think he doesn't know that is a really cheeky question

I don't talk to anyone about my sex life except the person I'm having sex with.

Would you ask your (of age) child about their sex life? I sure wouldn't.

I also find it strange a 12 year old would ask that. Mine asked when she was about six , after watching an Episode of rhe simpsons, she asked if we had sex, she didnt know what sex was, I guess just thought that it was kissing, I said never....

If she'd asked at twelve I'd have said it was none of her business or made a jokey response, like never or all the time, we are having it right now,. Can't you tell, Yes he will tell her friends, and yes it will make him uncomfortable.

So no I wouldn't have told him either. But I'd be concerned about his lack of boundaries in asking such a personal question at that age.

DD (7) asked me yesterday how we make sure we don't have any more babies. I didn't tell her the details of what contraception we use. I just explained that there are two options - either stopping the sperm and egg meeting or stopping a fertilised egg implanting. She didn't ask for more details about DH and me. So I think deflecting to 'people in general' is a good direction to go.

No I definitely wouldn't! I really regret not saying it was inappropriate now.

I'm clearly not BU to be mortified then.

Would you revisit it now and tell him it wasn't appropriate to ask or just leave it?

Just leave it. It's not your fault, you were caught off guard. Nobody expects a question like that out of the blue.

Why would you answer that from your child? None of yours is what I'd have said.

My DD (9) asked me and DH this a few weeks ago, I was caught on the hop but managed to say that it was good that she felt she could ask but that it was personal and that it's not really a question to ask people. Also jokingly told her that in a couple of years she'd be happy that she didn't know the answer!
(Part of me was embarrassed that I'd have to admit how infrequent it is!!). Anyway she was fine with that and didn't mention it again

I wouldn't have told him.

My answer would have been that's private between me and Your father and not something that you or anyone else need to know.

Very inappropriate question. No matter the age!