To be MORTIFIED at this question from DS...

[bestoutofthree]

My 12 year old came in to the bedroom just now...

DS: "Mum this is kind of a weird question and I don't know about asking it."
Me: What is it?
DS: How often do you and Dad have sex?
Me: Oh. Are you sure you want to know?
DS: Yeah
Me: Once or twice a week I guess
DS: Oh. Now NEVER say that again.
Me: You asked! And I double checked! You can always ask me any questions you know.


Even though I tried to seem calm and cool, it felt just really odd. Maybe because I was taken by surprise.

I am a very modest person and never talk about sex with friends at all, but DS has far fewer inhibitions and often mentions things I find embarrassing. I would never in a million years have asked that question of my mother!

Has anyone had discussions like that with their DC? I expect normal 'what is sex' conversations but didn't expect personal questions like that.

[Mustang27]

I'd have answered but not before asking why he was querying lol. It won't do him any harm but might make you feel a bit weird next time you come to dtd.

[TatianaLarina]

there's a line there for a reason. It's to protect children.

How can you protect children by refusing to answer their questions about sex? It shuts down any discussion. The upshot will be that children's conception of sex comes from the playground and porn.

At 12 children don't really know which questions are appropriate and which aren't, as they don't really know what sex is.

When openess is abused, then it's an issue and that grey area between "being an open family" and "no healthy boundaries" is crossed then trouble starts.

Why on earth are you talking about abuse of boundaries in response to a 12 year old asking an innocent question? That's so fucked up.

[Leapfrog44]

You're right to keep it open and relaxed but you should also teach there are questions that are appropriate (what is sex etc) and those which are private. Asking how many times you have sex is an inappropriate question and you missed an opportunity to tell him this!

[arranisle]

at people who think this is a stealth boast...

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Why would it be stealth boast because she has a shag twice a week.

[arranisle]

Exactly @awwlookatmybabyspider haha. People are so quick to shout 'STEALTH BOAST' but... this isn't, is it? At all.

[waterlego6064]

It sounds like you've got a good relationship with open communication, which is something I aspire to with my own children (but don't always get right).

I don't think there's anything odd or inappropriate about your DS's question- it's a perfectly normal thing for a 12 year-old to wonder when they are thinking about sex. My DD (nearly 12) has only recently made the connection that adults have recreational sex. She had some sex-ed lessons in Year 6 and came home wanting to talk about it. She told me: 'Grandma and Grandad must have had sex twice', which was my cue to clarify with her that most people don't only have sex for procreation!

She is currently aghast that people would choose to do such a thing for fun, but I told her she is likely to want to do it too when she is older, even though she doesn't like the thought of it now.

On a tangent: she was also horrified by a video they were shown, featuring what she described as 'a couple who were going to have intercourse chasing each other with balloons'. Having now seen the video in question, I realise she was talking about the bit where a (cartoon) couple are depicted chasing each other around the bedroom, tickling each other with feathers and having a pillow-fight. Hahahaaa!

[lovealatte]

I realise I'm coming late to this but just want to say I reallybwoukdnt worry about this. I think it's great he was able to ask, and really not a big deal that you answered. It will not traumatised him or damage him In anyway. Previous posters who have suggested you were inappropriate or he lacks boundaries are over reacting. Yes it might be worth reminding him that sex is private and not to go sharing this info or asking anyone else. But otherwise it is good for kids to hear that sex in a happy relationship is normal and that their parents are approachable.

[CountFosco]

My eldest is a couple of years younger but has now started getting interested in sex and so we get lots of questions from her. Her father gets embarrassed but I'm a biologist so take the 'bore them with facts' approach. She's already asked some of the beyond the pale questions people have mentioned here and I've volunteered other information, e.g. we were talking about the different kinds of sex mentioned in her facts of life book and I made it clear that it's against the law to have sex before you are 16 and that I'd never had anal and would recommend she didn't consider it until she'd been having sex for a few years. I think the dangers from porn culture are so dangerous we owe it to our children to be quite explicit about what a normal healthy relationship is like.

[Witchend]

I'm sure I read a story on a website that must be based on this today.

[CoconutPancakes]

Yes - it's on the Daily Mail website ...

[Creambun2]

Mail "journalists" are shit heads.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

I'd say insanely bored to be talking about ops sex life. I'd love to live in their world where nothing happens.

[histinyhandsarefrozen]

They don't really call themselves 'journalists', do they?

[SamineShaw]

It's on Mirror and Sun online too. Is there nothing going on in the world or are they so crap at writing that we have to do it for them?