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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend is being very snobbish towards me?

217 replies

ACommonPerson · 16/09/2017 13:05

My friend lives on a private housing estate. It started off 18 years ago as a few small new houses bordering the council estate but popularity rocketed and the estate became huge. Thousands of new homes built, massive homes with triple driveways, balconys etc . It became so big that the city boundary has been extended to fit it in and they got their own shops, a salon, beauty parlour, butchers and deli etc as well as their own health centre and primary school which again was so popular, it's had to be extended. They have their own neighbourhood committee and now refer to themselves as a village. The neighbourhood that it became is now the most affluent area in the city.

It still neighbours the council estate however and I live on the border (council estate side).

Anyway, looking for primary school for DS next year and I said to friend that I intend to get him in the "village" school if I can as it has an excellent reputation. She looked shocked and said "you can't!". I asked why and she said that the school is there to serve the village and is already over subscribed. I said I realised it was over subscribed but it's a comp school and therefore is not just there to serve certain houses! I'm going to try my luck and if he gets in, brilliant.

She was almost angry and said she doesn't agree with people from outside the "village" trying to get into the school as it's hard enough for the people within it. We went back and forth on it and then she came quite defensive and said "to be blunt, the school is good for a reason, and that's because it doesn't have to take in kids from the council estates. She justified this by saving "there is a reason you don't want to take your DS to your catchment school and I'm betting it's because you know it's full of council estate kids and will be rough as hell for that reason.

I became a bit upset and said my DS had just as much right to a good education as her kids. She softened up slightly and said she agreed with me and she hopes he does get in but part of the reason people pay the high prices for these houses is for the school and it doesn't seem justified that the school will become swamped with council estate kids so whilst she hopes my DS gets in, she hopes no other kids get in off the estate.

I'm fuming! Name changes as she'll probably recognise this but I don't care!! Snobbery or does she have a point? Should the rest of us suck it up with shit schools because we haven't paid to live on the private estate?

OP posts:
ILoveMillhousesDad · 16/09/2017 13:07

Omg. Hyacinth Bucket. Jib her off. She IS a snob. 'The Village' pmsl.

Angelicinnocent · 16/09/2017 13:08

No one should have to attend a poor school. I do partially agree however that having a good school nearby does push house prices up.

MarthaArthur · 16/09/2017 13:09

Do you live in farmville? Thats odd. Your friend is odd and snobby too. Theres no guarentee your son will get into the school if he doesnt fit in the catchment area but theres no harm you applying. She was needlessly obnoxious.

Dystopiandreaming · 16/09/2017 13:10

No. The estate doesn't own the school. She is clearly a snob.

Original poster
ACommonPerson · 16/09/2017 13:11

Even the shops call themselves the village! "Applewood village butchers" "The Applewood Village Deli" "The village retreat" etc! It's madness. It's so close to the council estate that the road which links the two has a private house and a council house next to each other.

OP posts:
FiaclaBui · 16/09/2017 13:11

ha ha I'd just smile benignly, ''so cute, when people who live in housing estates need to see the rung beneath them''.

I live in a private housing estate but it's a housing estate. WHen I was growing up I knew never ever to be snobby because my parents communicated to me without words really that although we behaved well and so on, we were not in any position to judge others!

VivaNoLikey · 16/09/2017 13:12

Farmville Grin

annielouise · 16/09/2017 13:13

If you're in the catchment for it you can do what you want, it wouldn't just be for those in the village in that case but it might be done on proximity (I lived in London near a popular school and they came out with a measure tape it was that over-subscribed).

Other factors might come into play - I think things like if there's a sibling there, children being fostered get some kind of priority (I forget the whole criteria, but that kind of thing), etc.

What do you mean by comp school? Comp means comprehensive - i.e. secondary, not primary, which you also mention. Do you mean state?

If you're in the catchment you can apply and she can't say anything.

LinoleumBlownapart · 16/09/2017 13:21

I think this is part of the problem. Schools are no longer a mix of children from different backgrounds, in some areas you get a mix as you have various types of housing, but in other areas the housing is almost exclusively one group or another. If the people in the "village" went to all the local schools instead of segregating themselves then all the local schools would be equal and they wouldn't need to stress about not getting into only one school.

In my experience people on the outside of schools let cultural stereotypes cloud their judgments. When you talk to most teachers things are very different inside the classrooms and in dealings with those so called council estate parents. Your friend is a snob.

CoraPirbright · 16/09/2017 13:26

UUrrrrrgh! What a horrible snob!! I would distance myself from such a nasty person.

Out of interest, how does the catchment work? Surely thats really the point? Are you in it? If it is oversubscribed do you have any idea if you're likely to get in? I soooooo hope you do - not only for a good school for your child but a metaphorical poke in the eye for this horrid "friend".

NotAgainYoda · 16/09/2017 13:27

It sounds like Westworld

Or that novel by JK Rowling

Mistressiggi · 16/09/2017 13:27

There isn't a good school and a bad school. The good school is good precisely because of who attends it, their affluent background and the support parents will offer. The poor school is poor because of the disadvantages the children have to overcome in life, the relatively lower expectations and involvement of parents.
It isn't that the school in the village magically has a better set of teachers or curriculum or plan for success.

It's all about the money, really.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/09/2017 13:29

I live a (real) village, where a fair few people think they are a cut above the rest. Had no idea before I moved as I came from out of area. I'd try to send your ds there for educative reasons. But be aware it will be a double edged sword with regard to finding mummy friends and playdates if a lot of them are like that. You could find yourself being ostracised. Is your friends child going to be in the same year? Despite her snobbiness, she may actually turn out to be your saving grace so while gently reminding her of her bias, I'd be keen to keep her on side tbh.

notacooldad · 16/09/2017 13:30

Ha, it's not Buckshaw 'Village' is it!
I have a few colleagues who seem to think their estate is golden gated!!

NataliaOsipova · 16/09/2017 13:34

she doesn't agree with people from outside the "village" trying to get into the school as it's hard enough for the people within it.

Surely it's done purely on the basis of distance, though? As all state primary applications. So it's rather odd for her to have an opinion as to who "should" or "shouldn't" apply! Fair enough to point out that it's oversubscribed and therefore the catchment area is narrow, but ridiculous to voice that sort of opinion.

Oh2beatsea · 16/09/2017 13:36

Let me share this with you....
My BIL and SIL have a house they rent out and one they live in. The rented house has better schools nearby so being as they are, they gave notice to the family in their rented house and wanted them out by 28th Dec (yes 2 days after xmas)! They then moved into their rented house and applied for their child to go to their chosen school. Both children duly got into the school. The parents then moved them back into their original home. One year later, their school gets put into special measures.......that's karma for you!

emmyrose2000 · 16/09/2017 13:37

She's a snob. I loathe snobs.

She'd be my ex-friend after these comments.

Witchend · 16/09/2017 13:37

Are you sure she wasn't just warning you that you're very unlikely to get in as generally people outside the village don't get in?

WyfOfBathe · 16/09/2017 13:38

It isn't that the school in the village magically has a better set of teachers or curriculum or plan for success.
That's true in theory, but ime schools which are "better" due to location/affluent parents often find it easier to recruit and retain staff.

Certainly apply for whichever school you think will be best for your child, but if it's oversubscribed do remember to put an acceptable "banker" on the list.

Ellisandra · 16/09/2017 13:46

Well, if I'd paid a massive house price premium to get my child into a school I liked, and then people who lived further away got priority over my child I'd be pretty pissed off.

In fact if my house was in the cheapest area, I'd still be pissed off if a child out of catchment got a place over my child in catchment.

I don't understand what you mean by a comp school - is it based on catchment of not?

I think your snide comments about Applewood Village stores is totally unnecessary and similar to her snobbery.

But she's WAY out of order with looking down on council estate kids polluting the education in her community school.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/09/2017 13:50

People living further away won't get priority to those living closer Ellisandra.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/09/2017 13:52

I'd be really hesitant to put my child into a primary school if she is representative of the attitudes of most parents there.

SongforSal · 16/09/2017 13:55

What a bitch!!!

A couple of my closest friends live on council estates. They are lovely, with bloody lovely kids to! She sounds like a horrible snob. How can you be friends with someone who looks down on others. Urghhh. I'd bin her as a mate.

rookiemere · 16/09/2017 13:55

People do whatever they can to get the best education for their DCs, it's perfectly normal.

Your "friend" is annoyed because she has paid extra to be in a "good" catchment area, and that money would be wasted if DCs outside of catchment also manage to get in.

I can see both sides to be honest. You're calling her snobby, but then you want your DS to go to the village school rather than your catchment one.

macncheesewithbacon · 16/09/2017 13:58

I sent my DC to a primary in the posh bit of town (we were on council estate) and a woman actually shouted at me in the street Grin It was brilliant when she needed to use a business service I offer a few years later and had to come begging - happy memories.