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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend is being very snobbish towards me?

217 replies

ACommonPerson · 16/09/2017 13:05

My friend lives on a private housing estate. It started off 18 years ago as a few small new houses bordering the council estate but popularity rocketed and the estate became huge. Thousands of new homes built, massive homes with triple driveways, balconys etc . It became so big that the city boundary has been extended to fit it in and they got their own shops, a salon, beauty parlour, butchers and deli etc as well as their own health centre and primary school which again was so popular, it's had to be extended. They have their own neighbourhood committee and now refer to themselves as a village. The neighbourhood that it became is now the most affluent area in the city.

It still neighbours the council estate however and I live on the border (council estate side).

Anyway, looking for primary school for DS next year and I said to friend that I intend to get him in the "village" school if I can as it has an excellent reputation. She looked shocked and said "you can't!". I asked why and she said that the school is there to serve the village and is already over subscribed. I said I realised it was over subscribed but it's a comp school and therefore is not just there to serve certain houses! I'm going to try my luck and if he gets in, brilliant.

She was almost angry and said she doesn't agree with people from outside the "village" trying to get into the school as it's hard enough for the people within it. We went back and forth on it and then she came quite defensive and said "to be blunt, the school is good for a reason, and that's because it doesn't have to take in kids from the council estates. She justified this by saving "there is a reason you don't want to take your DS to your catchment school and I'm betting it's because you know it's full of council estate kids and will be rough as hell for that reason.

I became a bit upset and said my DS had just as much right to a good education as her kids. She softened up slightly and said she agreed with me and she hopes he does get in but part of the reason people pay the high prices for these houses is for the school and it doesn't seem justified that the school will become swamped with council estate kids so whilst she hopes my DS gets in, she hopes no other kids get in off the estate.

I'm fuming! Name changes as she'll probably recognise this but I don't care!! Snobbery or does she have a point? Should the rest of us suck it up with shit schools because we haven't paid to live on the private estate?

OP posts:
Teddy1970 · 17/09/2017 23:57

Just had a look on Rightmove to see what Kingswood was about, I might be missing something but the houses are nothing special, they look like every new build up and down the country..I mean they're perfectly OK, but nothing out of the ordinary. I was expecting huge mansions! Good luck with the school place OP!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 18/09/2017 01:00

Snob. It's absolutely non of her business whether your child gets a place or not. If they are eligible, good luck to you. Is your child even in the same year group as her's? Cant really be a rival for the place as it sounds like she is nearer to the school. Which is why she "paid a premium". That was her choice and based on very little with the way schools seem to annually change their entry criteria. Is she asking for a refund. She sounds ghastly

ittakes2 · 18/09/2017 01:02

I'm very sorry but a real friend would want the best for your son - over and above what she wants for her neighbours.

backmadeofglass · 18/09/2017 02:22

Haha, where I work everyone wants to move to Buckshaw Village 🙈

Lozmatoz · 18/09/2017 06:41

She's a nob. De-friend!

flumpybear · 18/09/2017 06:52

Yes she's being a snob!!

I actually lived in a private house next to a huge estate and our school had terrible problems with awful kids from the council estste however a lot of these people were ex-travellers who were housed there many years ago, and there were streets you just didn't walk down because it was dangerous, lots of kids and young adults getting beaten up, break ins etc but the vast majority of the houses on the council estate did have normal, decent people on them who weren't an issue st school. At our school it wasn't council - private that caused issues it was by far the children from those families from a traveling background

fairgame84 · 18/09/2017 07:05

She's be8mg a snob.
Kingswood is not posh nor is it a village. If she was that posh then she'd be living a few miles up the road in Beverley 😉
Sent your son to whatever school you want. Everyone is entitled to a good education and shouldn't be held back just because of the type of house they live in.

OJZJ · 18/09/2017 07:28

Asking all Hullonians if there is a huge fence or Berlin-esqe wall or possibly more fitting a castle moat ...separating Bransholme and "South Beverley"
(Remember fondly visiting brandsholme over 25 yrs ago as my ex brother in law lived there and he said it was that rough even the dogs went around in pairs and damn me if we then didn't see two old mongrels walking down the street-in the days when you saw dogs out unsupervised in placesGrin fond memories)
Having googled both kingswood for sale and bransholme there really isn't much difference other than me wanting to weep at the house prices....

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/09/2017 07:45

It's for everyone's benefit if the school takes in a mix of the children.

MrsHandles · 18/09/2017 07:50

OJ the dogs comment made me cackle! Now if you'd have said Orchard Park...

MrsHandles · 18/09/2017 07:53

I'd also like to say that I fucking love Hull. I'm so proud to be from there and will tell anyone who asks (or doesn't) where I'm from and defend it to the hilt. Only Hullensians can take the piss out of Hull! Grin

Therealslimshady1 · 18/09/2017 07:55

I had this, a few mums at primary were upset at the thought that my DS might get into "their" comp. As one mum put it:" it should not be allowed, we have PAID to get into a good comp through our house price!"

I went ahead, he got in (low birth rate year). They got over it. But I have not forgotten their comments....

OJZJ · 18/09/2017 08:16

Mrshandles i was going to enquire about Orchard park and if it had got its own village recently....
Smile
I can beat that I lived on spring bank many,MANY years ago as a student although being burgled, attacked and catching scabies off my seriously skanky flat mate all within months made short work off that life experience! Although I have fond drunken memories of the welly club.....

Krissiew · 18/09/2017 08:41

There was none of this when I was a child or even my own children. Snobbery was for the upper classes and middle and low just got on with each other. Again the only people to blame for snobbery are the parents who indoctrinate it. Why cant people just live life without hatred and disharmony. We are all born the same and die the same. Just live your lives and let the children see tolerance and hard work.

OJZJ · 18/09/2017 09:13

I blame Thatcher krissiew
The amount of people who thought they were "middle class" once they bought their council house and developed a false sense of snobbery was unbelievable.... first thing my neighbour did was tell me she owned her house (former council estate but all bought up in 80s and 90s) I didn't even know her name for 2 years just that SHE owned her house etc

flownthecoopkiwi · 18/09/2017 09:17

Err had to look on Rightmove too, and those are the sort of houses that around here you might buy as a second rung house but would ideally wanting to move out of at some point if you were up and coming and truly as MC as your friend seems to be thinking she is.

Does she wear a lot of Joules by any chance?

RedBlu · 18/09/2017 09:20

Near where we use to live, they build a MASSIVE new estate, one of those that has multiple builders so lots of variation of house designs and sizes and obviously all had a % of social housing.

They are still building (started about six years ago), I think the number of houses is currently around 5,000 houses.

Anyway, they call themselves a "country park" and also tried to get the council to allow them to be their own village with their own council - that got turned down.

I find it ironic they call themselves a country park when it's literally a concrete jungle of houses and flats with the odd tree.

They now have their own website which residents go on to whinge about "outsiders" and arrange community discos Confused

I believe they have one school, so no doubt they are overly protective of that!

welshbutenglish · 18/09/2017 10:05

Smile and ignore her. Apply to the school you want and see what happens - you never know.

MarthasHarbour · 18/09/2017 10:13

I blame Thatcher krissiew. The amount of people who thought they were "middle class" once they bought their council house and developed a false sense of snobbery was unbelievable

That would be my parents OJ. But, well, you know they WORKED HARD for their good fortune don't you know. and-they voted Brexit Angry

OP i have also looked at Kingswood on Rightmove. Looks just like an estate near me, as soul-less and dull as the people who live there. And your so called friend didnt pay a premium to live there, it may be expensive for the area but it is not a premium.

All i would say is, whilst your DS is as entitled to good education as any other, i probably wouldnt put that school down as a choice. You will come across parents with attitudes such as this, which will trickle down to the DCs. i would worry that my own DC were being bullied from the shitty attitudes of the 'Village DCs' parents. It is a lonely 7 years if that is the case. You would also be ostracised.

Also, my DC go to an Ofsted 'Good' school and i think it is pretty awesome. Don't dismiss 'good' schools as shit schools Confused

MarthasHarbour · 18/09/2017 10:16

Oh and i would also tell so called 'friend' that i had changed my mind as i dont want my DS to go to a school with DCs borne of such shitty snobby attitudes. But then i am a bit argumentative Wink

Gromance02 · 18/09/2017 10:41

As long as the people nearest the school get priority, I don't see the problem. It would be mad for someone further away to get a place and someone closer not to. Unless I am missing something?

StubbleTurnips · 18/09/2017 11:00

I'm a little sad it isn't Buckshaw as that was my first thought. The school run parents round there is nuts.

RandomUsernameHere · 18/09/2017 11:08

Gromance where we live it often happens that people much further get a place over people very close to the school because the catchment areas are very strange shapes and the schools are nowhere near the centre of their own catchment areas.

ButtonMooooon · 18/09/2017 22:00

Waves to other Hullensians Wink

DH and I often say we'd like to live on Kingswood if you could just pick the whole lot up and move it somewhere else Grin

clumsyduck · 18/09/2017 22:08

Haha I knew right from the op it would be kingswood!! I used to live in hull