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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend is being very snobbish towards me?

217 replies

ACommonPerson · 16/09/2017 13:05

My friend lives on a private housing estate. It started off 18 years ago as a few small new houses bordering the council estate but popularity rocketed and the estate became huge. Thousands of new homes built, massive homes with triple driveways, balconys etc . It became so big that the city boundary has been extended to fit it in and they got their own shops, a salon, beauty parlour, butchers and deli etc as well as their own health centre and primary school which again was so popular, it's had to be extended. They have their own neighbourhood committee and now refer to themselves as a village. The neighbourhood that it became is now the most affluent area in the city.

It still neighbours the council estate however and I live on the border (council estate side).

Anyway, looking for primary school for DS next year and I said to friend that I intend to get him in the "village" school if I can as it has an excellent reputation. She looked shocked and said "you can't!". I asked why and she said that the school is there to serve the village and is already over subscribed. I said I realised it was over subscribed but it's a comp school and therefore is not just there to serve certain houses! I'm going to try my luck and if he gets in, brilliant.

She was almost angry and said she doesn't agree with people from outside the "village" trying to get into the school as it's hard enough for the people within it. We went back and forth on it and then she came quite defensive and said "to be blunt, the school is good for a reason, and that's because it doesn't have to take in kids from the council estates. She justified this by saving "there is a reason you don't want to take your DS to your catchment school and I'm betting it's because you know it's full of council estate kids and will be rough as hell for that reason.

I became a bit upset and said my DS had just as much right to a good education as her kids. She softened up slightly and said she agreed with me and she hopes he does get in but part of the reason people pay the high prices for these houses is for the school and it doesn't seem justified that the school will become swamped with council estate kids so whilst she hopes my DS gets in, she hopes no other kids get in off the estate.

I'm fuming! Name changes as she'll probably recognise this but I don't care!! Snobbery or does she have a point? Should the rest of us suck it up with shit schools because we haven't paid to live on the private estate?

OP posts:
shortcake76 · 16/09/2017 16:14

She has a point insofar that people specifically move into that catchment area, pay a premium for housing in order to get their child into a particular school.

However, she sounds completely stuck up and has delusions of grandeur. I wouldn't class her as a friend for those remarks.

MarthaArthur · 16/09/2017 16:15

Even if she had a point about house premiums going up nearer good schools, its still wrong to be rude and express horror at her supposed friend for wanting her kid to go there right?

GottaKeepOnKeepingOn · 16/09/2017 16:16

Since you both don't want the council estate school for your children, how come only your friend is a snob and you're not?

Welshrainbow · 16/09/2017 16:16

That's no friend just some snobby cow.

Subtlecheese · 16/09/2017 16:17

Nothing wrong with faith schools favouring children whose parents hold particular world views. But everything wrong with that selection being paid for by the state and outside state laws. State schools should provide an unbiased education.
My daughter who attends a sunday school every week would not be offered a place at a local state funded c of e school because I am divorced from her father.
The school does not recognise the law basically.

GottaKeepOnKeepingOn · 16/09/2017 16:18

What's wrong with faith schools?
Everything because they are state funded, i.e. they take money from ALL tax payers, regardless of faith, but only open their doors to the children of those tax payers who attend church.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 16/09/2017 16:19

The village/estate/whatever was developed presumably ethnic cIL/s106 contribution to be put towards community assets like the school. The developers sell them on factoring in any CIL that may be chargeable, and then people on the estate next door with their rough as arseholes school think they have some right to pick which of the two schools they would like to send their children to?

The whole catchment system baffles me, and if you're that arsed about being in which catchment for a decent school that you are paying the premium on housing values, just send it public and be done with it.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 16/09/2017 16:19

With, not ethnic. Fucking MN.

coddiwomple · 16/09/2017 16:19

My daughter who attends a sunday school every week would not be offered a place at a local state funded c of e school because I am divorced from her father.

Isn't that unusual? Some of my divorced friends have their kids in faith schools. I haven't, because I am not religious but their marital status didn't seem to be an issue - we are talking about completely over-subscribed schools, with no lack of applicants.

coddiwomple · 16/09/2017 16:21

but only open their doors to the children of those tax payers who attend church.
It's not true everywhere, my local ones have a set amount of non-faith children.

You could argue that all tax payers pay for schools, even if they don't have children themselves.

SusanTheGentle · 16/09/2017 16:26

The attitude of people from Buckshaw Village is hilarious. Especially given what it was built on - that old ordnance factory was a dump for decades, and the houses are all rubbish McMansions.

(I'm from a properly snobby and properly old and properly village village in the area, I feel fully qualified to win any snob war with a Buckshawnian. But then I'd still rather see all the children mix together and learn from each other instead of being segregated.)

SusanTheGentle · 16/09/2017 16:26

Ooh, ooh, is it Poundbury?? 25 years young this year!

Stickerrocks · 16/09/2017 16:26

Find a copy of the admission criteria for your preferred school. If it specifies a catchment area, see if you are inside it or not. That should give you an indication of how likely your application is to succeed. Then put that school down as your first choice, regardless of whether or not you are near the top or bottom of the admission criteria. If the school still has a vacancy after all the children higher up the list have been offered a place, you will be offered a place in that school. If you are not offered a place immediately, join the waiting list and keep your fingers crossed.

BlondeB83 · 16/09/2017 16:27

If you're in the catchment he will have just as good a chance as anyone.

IdaDown · 16/09/2017 16:32

Buckshaw 'Village' - ah, where you're advised not to grow fruit and veg in your garden.

For the curious - BV was built on the old Royal Ordinance Factory grounds. Yup weapons making/ testing, so the ground has potential for contamination.

I miss the old wall and beautiful plane trees that used to line Euxton Lane. Not sure why the developer had to get rid of them. Looks very stark now.

JonSnowsWife · 16/09/2017 16:33

JonSnowsWife then you are lucky

I don't count myself as lucky. DD was totally unsupported through a sustained bullying campaign at her previous primary and also unsupported when it was clear she was struggling with her education (she has since been diagnosed with SNs). When I've had to hold her back to sleep because she's woke up screaming at 3am shouting 'B' is going to get her again. Lucky is not something I feel.

Grateful is something I feel that we had doors open up for us to be able to do this. But not lucky. I'd have moved heaven and earth to get her out of that shithole, and no amount of upstarts telling me the other schools were oversubscribed would have stopped me.

JonSnowsWife · 16/09/2017 16:34

pay a premium for housing in order to get their child into a particular school.

They're paying for the housing though, technically. Not the schooling. Unless of course the school is a private one.

Stickerrocks · 16/09/2017 16:35

All schools are not created equal. All children do not have a chance of getting a place at a good school. However, most parents would apply to a good school even if they are unlikely to get in, because they want their child to have the opportunity if they possibly can. If they do get into an underperforming school, then you do everything you can to support the school in trying to raise standards.

SusanTheGentle · 16/09/2017 16:35

@IdaDown Me too, it would have been so much nicer if they could have made it into something more special - for all that the inside was dangerous and condemned it looked pretty cool from the outside. I do appreciate the need for more housing in the area and I'm glad they did something with it, but it could have been glorious, something really special, and it's just blah.

I did not know that about the fruit and veg growing, that's hilarious.

JonSnowsWife · 16/09/2017 16:38

Isn't that unusual? Some of my divorced friends have their kids in faith schools.

I don't think so no. Here, the only requirement is that they regularly attend a place of worship, covers any loopholes you see.

LavenderDoll · 16/09/2017 16:39

Ida - I've heard about the fruit and veg... they couldnt get flowers to grow on the iron man for years.
Lots of the houses are riddled with damp and why you would want to live on contaminated land

JonSnowsWife · 16/09/2017 16:40

Sorry coddiwomple I have just re-read your post. But no I don't think it is too unusual. I think it depends if you can still b divorced and still meet other criteria.

SonicBoomBoom · 16/09/2017 16:43

Since you both don't want the council estate school for your children, how come only your friend is a snob and you're not?

Quite.

FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 16:47

pay a premium for housing in order to get their child into a particular school

They're paying for the housing though, technically. Not the schooling. Unless of course the school is a private one.

Im not in the Uk and didn't realise paying a premium for a house came with a good school thrown in for good measure.

JonSnowsWife · 16/09/2017 16:53

Im not in the Uk and didn't realise paying a premium for a house came with a good school thrown in for good measure.

As a PP pointed out earlier, there isn't a section of the money siphoned off to give to the local good/outstanding school. You're mainly paying just for the catchment area, rather than paying into the school direct, as you would with council tax services for example. It depends where shouts you are in the UK as the rules around the catchment areas differ wildly. There are people who travel from the other side of the city each morning to get their kid in 'my' local good school. On the other hand there's people that live me that happily take their children out their way to a school which they prefer. It is rather odd when like I said I know of someone who lives next door to a school and she had to appeal to get her DCs in there.

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