Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think friend is being very snobbish towards me?

217 replies

ACommonPerson · 16/09/2017 13:05

My friend lives on a private housing estate. It started off 18 years ago as a few small new houses bordering the council estate but popularity rocketed and the estate became huge. Thousands of new homes built, massive homes with triple driveways, balconys etc . It became so big that the city boundary has been extended to fit it in and they got their own shops, a salon, beauty parlour, butchers and deli etc as well as their own health centre and primary school which again was so popular, it's had to be extended. They have their own neighbourhood committee and now refer to themselves as a village. The neighbourhood that it became is now the most affluent area in the city.

It still neighbours the council estate however and I live on the border (council estate side).

Anyway, looking for primary school for DS next year and I said to friend that I intend to get him in the "village" school if I can as it has an excellent reputation. She looked shocked and said "you can't!". I asked why and she said that the school is there to serve the village and is already over subscribed. I said I realised it was over subscribed but it's a comp school and therefore is not just there to serve certain houses! I'm going to try my luck and if he gets in, brilliant.

She was almost angry and said she doesn't agree with people from outside the "village" trying to get into the school as it's hard enough for the people within it. We went back and forth on it and then she came quite defensive and said "to be blunt, the school is good for a reason, and that's because it doesn't have to take in kids from the council estates. She justified this by saving "there is a reason you don't want to take your DS to your catchment school and I'm betting it's because you know it's full of council estate kids and will be rough as hell for that reason.

I became a bit upset and said my DS had just as much right to a good education as her kids. She softened up slightly and said she agreed with me and she hopes he does get in but part of the reason people pay the high prices for these houses is for the school and it doesn't seem justified that the school will become swamped with council estate kids so whilst she hopes my DS gets in, she hopes no other kids get in off the estate.

I'm fuming! Name changes as she'll probably recognise this but I don't care!! Snobbery or does she have a point? Should the rest of us suck it up with shit schools because we haven't paid to live on the private estate?

OP posts:
OJZJ · 18/09/2017 22:32

Martha's harbour
I am not disputing your parents worked very hard to buy and pay for their council house. But council houses were heavily and are probably still heavily discounted , I know of people buying them for 14k and 20k lived in them the required amount of time before selling for 10 times that- it doesn't make them middle class it makes them very fortunate (to have been given a huge handout helping hand ) but still working class with a wee bit of financial security once their mortgages etc were paid off...
Maybe we have very different perceptions of class....
Although i do agree to the souless urban jungle of kingswood and it doesn't look like a village to me.
Where I am living is also being built up to buggery with several different companies competing into churning out as many "quaint" little boxes for people to live in before their permanent little box instead of the fields that were here less than five years ago....and i am constantly cursing the traffic volume every morning and evening that traps me into my unfortunately one-way in one-way out loop "estate" and makes me late high on every day....

Ellisandra · 19/09/2017 07:17

OJXJ - I think Martha was being sarcastic and making exactly the same point as you about it not just being hard work!

OJZJ · 19/09/2017 07:33

I did wonder but then thought mner it's mnHmm

MarthasHarbour · 19/09/2017 08:12

OJ WTF of course I was being sarcastic!
Confused i thought that was pretty clear... (The caps lock on 'work hard' stems from a previous well known thread) also the angry face, brexit comment, I can't be arsed to analyse the rest of it.

But yes I was being sarcastic and agree with everything you just said (apart from your comment about my perception of class) Hmm

GammaDelta · 19/09/2017 09:30

OP YANBU your friend is unfair.. anyways do what's best for your kid. He/ you might get a tough time with other mums/kids who might be equally or more snobbish than your friend... but that's life.. send him to a better school..

OJZJ · 19/09/2017 09:56

Martha's harbour I apologise. I didn't read the previous well known thread as fairly new to MN pls point me in the right direction so I can wind myself up Smile I also missed the angry face context.
Sorry about the perception of class comment-as I missed the whole context of your reply it was obviously uncalled for.

KimmySchmidt1 · 19/09/2017 10:08

well, put it this way. Why don't you want your child to go to the school that is in the catchment area for the council estate?

But that is not to say you are not a good parent, and your child may well fit in better in the "village" school.

But it seems to me that either you think what she is saying is inaccurate, in which case she is just being prejudiced against children from council estates, and therefore you are not interested in the village school because the council estate school is great; or you are both snobs for both wanting your children to go to the school that does not contain all the council estate kids.

I don't see how you can have it both ways.

Roomba · 19/09/2017 10:21

We don't have catchment areas as such here, though places are decided on distance from the school once the other criteria (looked after child/SEN/Church Attendance) have been used to allocate places.

People have often asked me why I chose my kids' primary school, given there are at least four others nearer to our home. One person said I was snobby as I didn't want my kids in the 'local' school mixing with the 'estate' kids! So rude and offensive. Actually, the other schools are all either Catholic or CofE and very much select based on whether you are baptised and how often the family attend church/mass. As an atheist I much prefer my children being in a Community Primary school - plus they probably wouldn't have got into the faith schools anyway. Very few non faith schools here which annoys me - atheists are just as entitled to a decent education!

MarthasHarbour · 19/09/2017 12:18

OJ apology accepted (but please think of context before preaching to the converted - i think you will find most MNers are against right to buy)

The original WORK thread was deleted i think but if you advance search WORKZILLA there are loads of threads on the subject. Basically a SAHM was picked on by a working mum who expected SAHM to basically cover her childcare for the entire holidays. lots of comments of 'well i do have to go to WORK' etc etc.

Sorry to derail your thread OP - hope you have got over that silly bint's comments and sacked her off xx

NotKKW · 22/09/2017 09:28

How long has your friend lived on the village side? Since before it was so popular? If so then it sounds to me like she got lucky and didn't pay massive amounts of money to buy a house there.
If that's the attitude of the parents then I fear it will be extended to the children too if your child does attend the nicer school.
I had a friend like this who lives in our version of 'the village' you describe, and she happily said she didn't want anything further to do with me as I was about to be a single parent, and I lived in a council house. It didn't matter to her that we were friends for 10+ years since school.
I can't say I miss her much 😁

suzy2b · 22/09/2017 12:55

Henrysmycat how the hell could you have afforded to buy a house in st
George Hill i once worked there as a nanny

Danceswithwarthogs · 22/09/2017 13:25

Catchments can throw up funny things though... especially if new houses have been built after catchment boundaries were set. There's a massive posh housing estate in our town where half are in the catchment for most desirable school and the other half for a good school with less affluent intake which some parents disregard. The catchment borderline cuts one street in half. Some years there are enough spaces, other years the peripheral houses lose out.
Thankfully all our schools are good schools and social background is not made an issue of. All have higher than average numbers of children on free school meals and one part of the outstanding school is located in poorest/most council house area of town... still oversubscribed.

It's fair enough as a "friend" for her to warn that you may not get your first choice school, but to imply that buying a house there makes her children a cut above or that it should be kept exclusively to that estate to "keep the riff raff out".... she should go private if she wants that kind of social segregation Hmm

backmadeofglass · 16/12/2018 17:55

That’s what I thought!!! 😂

blackteasplease · 16/12/2018 18:00

Ignore her. None of her business.

TinkerSpy · 16/12/2018 18:03

The snobbery is strong with this one!

toddlepod · 16/12/2018 18:07

I used to work with a woman whose sister was a teacher. Her sister blamed any infestation of head lice as coming from the council estate kids.

Sparklesocks · 16/12/2018 18:09

Guys this thread is over a year old

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread