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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???

221 replies

Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:35

Hello, I never actually post on here, just have a little browse, but figured this is probably a good place to discuss this. My son is 7 and small for his age (height wise, but not sure if that is relevant) he isn't skinny, no, but he definitely isn't "quite large". I know it sounds extreme, but I have been crying over this. I really make an effort to make sure he is eating healthy, but does have the odd treat, he's a kid. He does lots of sports and runs around like everyone else! I just feel so hurt. She hasn't seen him for 2 years now and when it was just me and her (the kids went off to play) she said am I watching what he is eating and I said what, she said he has become quite large and pointed to her tummy, so clearly knew what she was on about. Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

He isn't "quite large"!!!

OP posts:
JonSnowsWife · 13/09/2017 20:04

Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

She obviously knows it all then. If the school nurse team haven't any concerns then ignore her.

coddiwomple · 13/09/2017 20:08

I am going to gently suggest that the fact he's short, but is wearing age- 6/7 and 7/8 clothes means that he might be quite overweight (and no, it isn't always easy to tell).

sadly, it's true. Trousers are huge for children. At least girls can wear dresses.

TheDayIBroke · 13/09/2017 20:10

Jordan don't be sad, you know your son. Your son sounds healthy and happy.

Your so-called friend sounds very critical and sneakily nasty and I would ease off contact a bit.

Flowers for you to cheer you up.

ElizabethShaw · 13/09/2017 20:26

Urubu - its BMI which takes account of height and weight.

Believeitornot · 13/09/2017 20:29

My ds is 7 and I think is on the slightly larger side. Looking at him I wouldn't think so but then I see actually he's a bit bigger than his friends.

So I'm stopping a lot of snacks and increasing his exercise plus reducing portions.

Chattymummyhere · 13/09/2017 20:36

If his short and healthy weight he shouldn't be in his age clothes let alone the next size up. My middle child is small all over small she's nearly 6 age 5 clothes drown her In fact her uniform is 3-4 and it's the perfect fit. If she needed 6-7 trousers she would be very very overweight.

Parents don't see fat on their own children some of the most health freak people I know have very clearly fat children they just don't see it.

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 13/09/2017 20:51

Well she does sound rude but 7 yo's should be skinny. It's not her place though. He may be getting ready for a growth spur if he is short but has gained weight.

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 13/09/2017 20:53

Although many little boys have a distended tummy if that's the only area

TurquoiseChevrotain · 15/09/2017 16:39

OP, I knew that as soon as you wrote his measurements, if he was over the 50th percentile for BMI, people were going to tell you that she was right, etc. and I wasn't disappointed... I knew there would be at least 1! Grin he's a healthy weight, not just by a little bit either... He's comfortably in the green bar! People are odd. I can't believe someone said "so your friend was right" Confused

existentialmoment · 15/09/2017 16:42

she didn't just randomly decide to tell you that your kid is a bit big for no reason though, did she? She thinks your kid is a bit big.

Whether you agree or not is another matter, but she hardly just plucked it out of thin air.

TurquoiseChevrotain · 15/09/2017 16:43

@existentialmoment - but she did... He isn't big.

existentialmoment · 15/09/2017 16:45

OP thinks he isn't big.

But even if she is wrong she thought he was big. Are you suggesting she sat there and thought "hmm, what rude and totally inaccurate thing can I invent to say to my friend? I know, I'll tell her her kid is fat even though I don't think that is true!"?

Are you?

TurquoiseChevrotain · 15/09/2017 16:49

@existentialmoment - but it's a fact, he isn't big? She was in the wrong.

existentialmoment · 15/09/2017 16:50

OK, but my point, as specified twice now, is that the friend did not just make it up, so why say she did?

Motoko · 15/09/2017 18:00

Surely being 74th centile, means that he's nearing being overweight? Or am I reading that chart wrong?

The way I'm reading it is that 50th would be perfect, below 50th would be underweight, and above is overweight.

Or is it that 0-100 is normal and below or above is under/overweight.

My children are all adults now, we didn't do centiles and BMI when they were little.

Holidayhooray · 15/09/2017 18:01

Or is it that 0-100 is normal and below or above is under/overweight

This

CalmanOnSpeeddial · 15/09/2017 18:07

If you look at the NHS graph Moroni, the green region goes way up to the 80 somethingth centile. Because children's weight is bunched so tightly in the middle of the bell curve, an extra pound or two can shove you a long way up the percentiles even if you're still at a perfectly healthy weight.
(Snap won't be a perfect match for the OP's result because I can't remember the DS's age).

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???
lettuceWrap · 15/09/2017 20:06

Op, are you sure you have measured the height of your dc correctly? He's 7 yo and 108cm?

I mentioned my DS upthread- he will be 7 soon and is 19.4kg this morning and 116cm, which really quite short for his age (a genetic condition affects his height).

Have you sought advice regarding his height? If your measured correctly he is way below the 4th centile and perhaps warrants checking out.

DeleteOrDecay · 16/09/2017 13:38

I was a tubby child myself and my DM handled it by constantly telling me I was 'fat', and going on to lose weight. So you're right to be careful how to handle weight issues in children.

I have a family member who does this with their son and it's awful. They do nothing to help him, they just tell him he needs to lose weight. He's a child who has no control over the food that gets brought into the house and has no idea how to lose weight safely without guidance. They made him this way yet they expect him to sort it out, it's so frustrating.

Op I'm glad you measured your son and he is within the healthy range. He is on the higher end of the scale though so I would definitely keep an eye, especially as he is short. It's so easy for them to end up overweight in the blink of an eye.

I don't believe your friend was being entirely malicious. Just send her the results and tell her he is fine but thanks for the concern.

TurquoiseChevrotain · 16/09/2017 13:45

@DeleteOrDecay - that's for his BMI, so it takes his height into consideration.

RoganJosh · 16/09/2017 13:58

Looking at the WHO charts the 108cm comes out as 0.4th centile for height if he's exactly 7. Are you or his dad short? If not it might be worth getting looked into.

And while 74th centile for BMI (I got 77th) isn't overweight technically, it's getting close looking at this

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???
happymumof4crazykids · 16/09/2017 14:00

He is still overweight for his height. It might be worth speaking to your school nurse or gp for some advice?

RoganJosh · 16/09/2017 14:00

Oh and I meant these charts. As in the red books.

www.rcpch.ac.uk/child-health/research-projects/uk-who-growth-charts/uk-growth-chart-resources-2-18-years/school-age#bmi

TurquoiseChevrotain · 16/09/2017 14:05

@happymumof4crazykids - he isn't overweight?

TurquoiseChevrotain · 16/09/2017 14:09

@RoganJosh - as already mentioned, you can move up significantly on the bar being just 2 lbs heavier, he was weighed in the afternoon, so could easily have been heavier. He's still in the healthy range and comfortably in it. If a child was 25th percentile, no one would be saying you need to feed them a bit more.