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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???

221 replies

Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:35

Hello, I never actually post on here, just have a little browse, but figured this is probably a good place to discuss this. My son is 7 and small for his age (height wise, but not sure if that is relevant) he isn't skinny, no, but he definitely isn't "quite large". I know it sounds extreme, but I have been crying over this. I really make an effort to make sure he is eating healthy, but does have the odd treat, he's a kid. He does lots of sports and runs around like everyone else! I just feel so hurt. She hasn't seen him for 2 years now and when it was just me and her (the kids went off to play) she said am I watching what he is eating and I said what, she said he has become quite large and pointed to her tummy, so clearly knew what she was on about. Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

He isn't "quite large"!!!

OP posts:
ConciseandNice · 13/09/2017 14:47

I think some kids grow out before they grow up, if that makes sense. I had the opposite problem and a Doctor at a hospital actually told me my middle son was malnourished and too thin.

Without weighing and even with that, it's impossible to tell. If he's running around and happy doing so I'm guessing he's ok. I've seen kids in primary out of breath while running and that shouldn't happen under normal circumstances. So she may have just been being a friend from hell (get rid!). Luscwho the fuck says that to a friend?!?!

Conversely I know someone whose child is overweight and has been told by doctors that she needs to sort it out and refuses to believe it (she's big boned chortle).

The school would have said something to you if they thought he was overweight.

KarateKitten · 13/09/2017 14:47

Parents usually find it very very hard to judge their children's weight.

I think that you should try to not be so offended and check whether she has a point. Then you will know if she is a bitch or if she is doing your son one of the best favours of his life. I'm sorry op but nows not the time to be angry when you haven't even checked properly if he is or not.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 13/09/2017 14:47

You can't tell by looking no. Research has found that with growing obesity we are unable to recognise overweight children. Particularly our own.

Why are you so upset ? If there's no problem just ignore it.

However I suspect you are upset because you suspect she may be right.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:47

Yes, he is in age 6-7 or 7-8 clothes always

OP posts:
Remy66 · 13/09/2017 14:48

You have no weigh of knowing he's a healthy weight if you've never weighed him though, have you?
If he does happen to be overweight (even if he doesn't "look" it to you) then YABU. It isn't the nicest thing for your friend to say but as long as she only mentioned it to you and was concerned I don't see an issue. Friends should seek to be honest not polite.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 13/09/2017 14:48

You can tell by the way they look, I don't need to shove him on the scales

Actually parents aren't all that great at judging if their kid is overweight.

Pop him on the scales, I'm sure he's fine but at least then you will know for sure.

PinkDaffodil2 · 13/09/2017 14:48

You know your friend, is she the type to say something like that if she didn't think he loooked overweight - maybe trying to sell you something or make you feel bad? Or do you think it's more likely that she thought she was doing you a favour, and did think he looked on the big side?
It could be either, and without knowing your lad's BMI and what the friend is like no one on here will know.
I'd suggest checking his weight and BMI, to put your mind at rest but also because lots of parents of overweight children think their child looks a normal weight, it's very common for children that age to be a bit overweight and much easier to deal with early if that is the case. X

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 13/09/2017 14:48

What does he get all the time ? Comments about his weight ?

Chatoyant · 13/09/2017 14:49

He gets it all the time? So there is an issue with his weight then?
If he's smaller in height then surely he should be lighter too.

Remy66 · 13/09/2017 14:49

I also don't know why you'd use his age as a justification for not weighing him?

Theseaweed · 13/09/2017 14:49

Just to mention, 7 year olds should be skinny. You usually would be able to see their ribs or at least easily feel them. Children that are overweight at 7 are often overweight in adulthood.

I obviously have no idea about your son. It's an odd thing for her to say if your child isn't overweight. We have lost all sense of what normal weight is.

greendale17 · 13/09/2017 14:49

If he is big then I don't see what the problem is? She is being honest with you.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:49

No comments about his height

OP posts:
Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:49

OMG HE ISN'T BIG

OP posts:
clippityclock · 13/09/2017 14:49

You should be able to see your child's ribs because apparently if you can't then its likely that your kid is overweight.

I think the fact that your friend brought it up means that it is likely he is overweight to be honest.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 13/09/2017 14:50

You don't know if he is overweight or not though. You haven't weighed him.

ShapelyBingoWing · 13/09/2017 14:50

Nobody is being nasty. It doesn't even read like your friend was.

Go and have a brew and relax for a few minutes, then look at this again objectively. You really don't know his BMI until you put him on the scales. This will determine how healthy his weight is for his height. And if he's a little over, you might reflect that this friend has done you a favour. If he isn't, you've reassured yourself and can tell her that his BMI is fine should she ever bring it up again.

PolkaDotty7 · 13/09/2017 14:51

You need to weigh him OP.

bookwormsforever · 13/09/2017 14:51

Man, I thought you were going to say your friend told your ds he was a fats bastard. Sounds like you're overreacting.

Can you see your son's ribs when he's naked? That's a goig guide to a child being a healthy weight. If you think he's a healthy weight, what's the problem with weighing him just to make sure?

bookwormsforever · 13/09/2017 14:51

*good

ConciseandNice · 13/09/2017 14:52

Theseaweed that's a good point. My husband and I were talking only the other day when at an adventure park that a majority of the kids were clearly overweight and not comfortable running and leaping- like kids should be. It makes me sad. Normality has changed and that's not good.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 13/09/2017 14:52

This will tell you if he is in the healthy weight range.
www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalculator.aspx

ProfessorBranestawm · 13/09/2017 14:53

It would be worth checking. It is really hard to tell by looking, children on the whole are getting bigger and a healthy weight looks skinny in comparison these days.

If he's that short for his age he shouldn't be in age 7-8 I would have thought? Not least because clothing sizes are often over generous these days. DS just turned 8, is 50th centile for weight (75th for height) and still fits in age 5-6 underwear

Just weigh him. Sorry you are hurt though, it doesn't sound like she went about it in a kind way, but it really is worth seeing if she is right.

Spottylu · 13/09/2017 14:53

Think your friend is out of line. If you are concerned, measure his waist. Don't bother with BMI, it's not a good sign of whether people are fit and healthy. His waist to height ration should be no more 50%, although I'm not sure if this is relevant for kids.
Personally, I'd go with does he run around, seem fit, etc and if you think he does, ignore your friend.

CrankyTheCrane · 13/09/2017 14:53

Nobody is being nasty by being concerned about your sons health. Is your friend normally bitchy? I know that my ds isn't overweight as he is skin and bone. If a friend commented as yours did I'd roll my eyes and ask if we were looking at the same kids.

The fact it has upset you suggests there is a problem.