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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???

221 replies

Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:35

Hello, I never actually post on here, just have a little browse, but figured this is probably a good place to discuss this. My son is 7 and small for his age (height wise, but not sure if that is relevant) he isn't skinny, no, but he definitely isn't "quite large". I know it sounds extreme, but I have been crying over this. I really make an effort to make sure he is eating healthy, but does have the odd treat, he's a kid. He does lots of sports and runs around like everyone else! I just feel so hurt. She hasn't seen him for 2 years now and when it was just me and her (the kids went off to play) she said am I watching what he is eating and I said what, she said he has become quite large and pointed to her tummy, so clearly knew what she was on about. Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

He isn't "quite large"!!!

OP posts:
Beadieeye · 13/09/2017 15:09

She's projecting her issues onto your child.
I've noticed in recent years that 'fitness' people can sometimes go too far with it. It's just like any other eating disorder but they believe they are healthy.

LemonBreeland · 13/09/2017 15:09

With the extra information about your friend it does sound like she's a bit of a bitch. However for your own peace of mind it is worth weighing him and measuring his height.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 15:10

Mrs, if you have a problem, don't post?

OP posts:
Mrsfrumble · 13/09/2017 15:10

OP if you know how much he weighs you can easily dismiss your "friend's" comment; "oh don't be so silly, he's on the 50th centile so perfectly average" or something. Facts should shut her up.

I do agree that children's clothes seem very generously cut.

strawberrygate · 13/09/2017 15:10

beadieeye or maybe she's concerned because OP's child looks overweight?

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 15:11

And I did think about a pic because I was getting annoyed that no one could see what I was on about, but as that's seen as being fake, I obviously won't.

OP posts:
Beadieeye · 13/09/2017 15:11

I can't believe people are demanding you give them his BMI or post photos of your son on here!
If you've got no worries, then she's clearly just got some funny ideas or is nasty.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 15:12

strawberry do you think she is concerned about my skin and dry hair too?

OP posts:
Beadieeye · 13/09/2017 15:12

I think OP would know if her child looks overweight or not :/

ineedamoreadultieradult · 13/09/2017 15:13

She is either a bitch or a concerned friend who may have real concerns. Only you know.

MrsOverTheRoad · 13/09/2017 15:14

Bead not necassarily.

And OP...I can point out the fact that this is a first post all I like...you're not the thread police.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 13/09/2017 15:14

If you are a first time poster, then it's a bit rich telling others not to post.

There clearly is a massive issue here, or you wouldn't be reacting as you are.

The facts, as we know them are, you seem to have a friend who has either a) noticed your child is overweight b) is a nutter who tells lies about children being overweight when they're not.

Which is more likely?

And if your child is 7 and short for his age, then age 7-8 clothes would seem to be confirming it's a)

We don't need to see a photo. You need to check if your son is overweight.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/09/2017 15:15

@Beadieeye did you miss all the information about parents NOT knowing their children are overweight. Literally dozens of studies.
Google it. Parents almost NEVER know.

Clothes sizes are difficult. DD wears two sizes above but she's very tall. Just checked her BMI and she's boringly middling unlike her mother. Healthy weight/height. But she looks thin. Ribs showing and spine sticking out, bony little thing.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 15:16

I was just saying, if she finds it an issue I'm a first poster, why wind yourself up and post?

I will be checking... When he gets home.

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 13/09/2017 15:17

Anyway. I'm reporting this thread so MNHQ can see what's what.

Beadieeye · 13/09/2017 15:18

Yeah, missed all that.
I think parents DO really know, they either are in denial, don't want to admit neglect, or don't understand what a healthy weight is.
I'm inclined to take posters at face value. She says he isn't overweight, hence why she is so mortified.

AtHomeDadGlos · 13/09/2017 15:18

It's always funny when someone posts on the AIBU message board and then takes offence when people say that they are.

It's clearly hit a nerve and that's probably because your child is overweight. Weigh him, work out his BMI and then act accordingly. Or not.

MrsOverTheRoad · 13/09/2017 15:18

Oh...and no "winding up" here. Just caution due to the amount of time wasting trolls we get.

People invest time and thought into replying only to discover it's some weirdo making things up.

Best be cautious and if not...well no harm done eh!

0hCrepe · 13/09/2017 15:18

Even if he is it's not her place to say it. I have friends with dc they sometimes worry are a bit big and I just listen; I would never say something like that to them even when they've said it first. It's rude. you just don't go commenting on or judging another child to their own parent. She's either mean or lacks social skills.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 15:18

That's fine...?

OP posts:
CalmanOnSpeeddial · 13/09/2017 15:19

Waist should definitely be less than half height for adults Eamonn. Children too (but not infants) according to Google.

Needalifeoverhaul · 13/09/2017 15:21

OP, ignore the unnecessary comments here...to be honest, I think to set your mind at rest just weigh him and see. If could well be that your friend is just the sort of person who likes making bitchy comments disguised as 'concern'. I have a relative who does this.
If he is overweight then you can nip it in the bud now by speaking to your Dr. If he's not then I'd avoid your friend for another two years at least.

user789653241 · 13/09/2017 15:22

I think it depend on if she is your true friend or not. Telling a truth which may hurt someone's feeling is hard.
My nephew was overweight. Everybody can see that.But but not his mum. She got really furious every time someone close to her suggested it to her. my nephew is now an overweight teenager.

EamonnWright · 13/09/2017 15:22

Yeah I worded it wrong Calman I would imagine waist should be FAR lower than 50 % of height Confused

diddl · 13/09/2017 15:28

I do think that a lot of people have lost sight of what "normal" is-for both kids & adults.

I was always a skinny kid-I seem to remember when I was a kid that we were mostly skinny with the odd overweight-nothing in between.

I doubt that that is right.

He's obviously changed if she hasn't seen hi in two years & might be carrying some weight on his tummy-doesn't mean that he is overweight for his height.

If he's short for his age I wouldn't really expect him to be wearing clothes for older than his age though.

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