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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???

221 replies

Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:35

Hello, I never actually post on here, just have a little browse, but figured this is probably a good place to discuss this. My son is 7 and small for his age (height wise, but not sure if that is relevant) he isn't skinny, no, but he definitely isn't "quite large". I know it sounds extreme, but I have been crying over this. I really make an effort to make sure he is eating healthy, but does have the odd treat, he's a kid. He does lots of sports and runs around like everyone else! I just feel so hurt. She hasn't seen him for 2 years now and when it was just me and her (the kids went off to play) she said am I watching what he is eating and I said what, she said he has become quite large and pointed to her tummy, so clearly knew what she was on about. Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

He isn't "quite large"!!!

OP posts:
coffeekittens · 13/09/2017 14:38

She's just being an arsehole, wouldn't be surprised if she tried flogging you some juice plus crap to help him slim down. Surely if he was over weight school would have picked up on it. Yanbu for being upset but yabu for wasting your time crying about it tell her to piss off.

XJerseyGirlX · 13/09/2017 14:40

Im not sure. Theres been a few threads on here asking if people should tell their friends that their kids are overweight and the Mumsnet consensus seems to be mixed.

If you know for sure your son isn't overweight then you could have just said that there isn't an issue and he is a healthy weight.

Im not sure I would say anything though.

XJerseyGirlX · 13/09/2017 14:40

That's very true @coffee the schools do tend to say these days if they think theres a problem, not sure all do though.

Chatoyant · 13/09/2017 14:41

If he's not overweight then I can't understand why you're so upset about it?

Either she's being a bit of a bitch and saying it unnecessarily in which case she is not your friend or he is overweight but you were in denial until she said something to you.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:41

I don't know what his weight is? Why would I weigh a 7 year old? He was last weighed in reception. He looks normal though. I've never had any concerns over his weight.

OP posts:
ShapelyBingoWing · 13/09/2017 14:41

Have ypu checked his BMI on the NHS tool? Seems like a really horrible thing for her to come out with if he appears to be a healthy weight.

Ummmmgogo · 13/09/2017 14:41

without weighing your son it is impossible to know if he's a healthy bmi and your friend is a bitch, or if he is actually a little overweight and your friend cares about him enough to make sure you are aware.

either way please don't cry xxx

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:41

I'm upset because she is being horrible to a 7 year old who happens to be my son.

OP posts:
OldGuard · 13/09/2017 14:42

Depends really
How big is he

ShapelyBingoWing · 13/09/2017 14:42

Why would I weigh a 7 year old?

To find out if he's a healthy weight.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:43

You can tell by the way they look, I don't need to shove him on the scales...

OP posts:
Nicketynac · 13/09/2017 14:43

Have you actually checked his height and weight? By the time we realised DS was a bit "big" he was off the charts overweight and I wish we had been keeping an eye on him all along. Apparently parents are rubbish at noticing if their kids are overweight Blush
You can plug numbers into the NHS website and it will tell you if he is overweight.
Anyway, it sounds like your friend wasn't very nice in how she told you, even if she turns out to be correct.

OldGuard · 13/09/2017 14:43

Love she wasn't being horrible to a 7 year old
She was talking to you and he didn't hear
And based on your posts she was straight forward but not rude
Maybe a concerned friend based on her profession
Without height and weight it's impossible to tell

Piratesandpants · 13/09/2017 14:44

To be honest, you sound very emotional about food and weight. If someone makes a comment like that, look at your child and evaluate the comment rationally. Is it valid or not? Your reaction is extreme, is it related to other issues?

Ummmmgogo · 13/09/2017 14:44

don't be upset. did your son hear her say it? nhs recommends weighing and measuring kids 3x per year btw, to check they are growing xx

MrsLettuce · 13/09/2017 14:44

She might be being an enormous bitch. It happens.
OTOH she might be right and thus being doing your son an enormous favour.

You need to weigh him and check his BMI.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:45

He isn't overweight though, so why would she say it? It's rude. Can't believe people think this is okay.

OP posts:
roundtable · 13/09/2017 14:45

You could ask him to stand on the scales. No shoving required.

It sounds like she's hit a nerve. Weigh him if you're right - great, if she's right then you can act on it.

MrsLettuce · 13/09/2017 14:46

You can tell by the way they look, I don't need to shove him on the scales...

Actually parents very frequently can't tell by looking that their children have become overweight. It's a known thing.

CalmanOnSpeeddial · 13/09/2017 14:46

If she said to him "you're fat" then that would be horrible. But that's not what happened.

CaurnieBred · 13/09/2017 14:46

What age clothes do you buy for him? You say he is quite small height wise, so I would presume if his weight was fine then his clothes will be for age 7 too.

Chatoyant · 13/09/2017 14:46

Is she not a very nice person in general? She wasn't horrible to a 7 year old, she asked you a question out of his earshot if I've read correctly. I just can't imagine any normal person saying something like that for no reason whatsoever.

PinotAndPlaydough · 13/09/2017 14:46

I'm sure I read some research recently that said parents are very bad at judging if their own children are overweight.
To be honest if a friend said that about my child I would be concerned because I don't think that any of my friends would say it just to be nasty. There is a very easy way to find out, check his bmi or ask the nurse at your doctors to do it. What size clothes is he in? I have a friend whose child is overweight and is 6, they are in aged 9 clothes, she'll say it's because they are tall but trousers have to be rolled up at the ankle. I would never say anything because the school have already raised it with her and because it would destroy our friendship.

ShapelyBingoWing · 13/09/2017 14:46

You can tell by the way they look

No you can't. Especially you as his parent. Research backs this up.

My DD is a couple of lbs overweight. She looks fine to me. Even when stood alongside children who are a healthy weight. I need the scales to keep track.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:46

She's hit a nerve because he's a kid. Why are people so nasty? He gets it all the time because he is on the smaller end for his height, he gets upset by it.

OP posts: