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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???

221 replies

Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:35

Hello, I never actually post on here, just have a little browse, but figured this is probably a good place to discuss this. My son is 7 and small for his age (height wise, but not sure if that is relevant) he isn't skinny, no, but he definitely isn't "quite large". I know it sounds extreme, but I have been crying over this. I really make an effort to make sure he is eating healthy, but does have the odd treat, he's a kid. He does lots of sports and runs around like everyone else! I just feel so hurt. She hasn't seen him for 2 years now and when it was just me and her (the kids went off to play) she said am I watching what he is eating and I said what, she said he has become quite large and pointed to her tummy, so clearly knew what she was on about. Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

He isn't "quite large"!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 15:29

Oh and yes I can see his ribs

OP posts:
LooksBetterWithAFilter · 13/09/2017 15:31

People have definitely lost sight of what is normal or put it down to puppy fat. I am about 3 stone overweight and people always tell me I look fine. I don't look massive because of its distribution but I know I weigh too much and I can see it.

Just as an FYI ds2 is 7 and on the short side. He is in 5-6 clothes and some age 6. 6-7 and certainly 7-8 would drown him.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 13/09/2017 15:31

If he's not overweight, why are you being so hysterical and aggressive?

What does he eat in a normal day?
Does he do any sport?
Do you have issues around food and weight?

Because my dd isn't overweight. And if someone said to me that she was, I'd just laugh at them and tell them they needed an eye test.

Curiositykilledthecat113 · 13/09/2017 15:32

You'll need his height too. What time does he get home?

maygirl27 · 13/09/2017 15:32

He can run around, keep up with all the other kids and does a lot of sports. What's the problem? I always encouraged this with my kids as I believe that it is the most crucial element in being fit and healthy. I'm sure you are taking care with his diet, I think the problem is that we worry unnecessarily and I would be pointing this out to your friend. Relax. I would also point out that a slim body isn't necessarily the marker of good health that it's dressed up to be. Don't hoist this onto your son. Let it go, the last thing that you - and he - needs is to become so obsessed by weight/body image problems that it causes eating disorders/body dysmorphia later on down the line.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/09/2017 15:35

It's great that you've taken advice and you're going to weigh him

Then you'll know Flowers

YetAnotherNC2017 · 13/09/2017 15:35

Why would your friend say it if he wasn't overweight? Hmm

So many parents don't understand that their kids are overweight. I know one myself!

steppemum · 13/09/2017 15:36

OP - your later post about her sending you links to skin care products etc explains a lot more about her and why she has wound you up.

She is obviously on a mission to improve the workd around her.

Ignore ignore ignore.

while I agree with those sayign parents never notice etc etc, from what you have posted you are upset with her from the past and now she has started on your son.

Sorry you are getting a hard time, but most people are not being unkind, just saying wiegh him and then you will know, their scepticism comes from experience with similar threads

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 15:37

Why would she say about my skin unless I had bad skin as well, eh? My skin isn't even bad, I just don't wear foundation, but maybe she is right about that......

I'm going to weigh him and do his height (height will be the best I can with one of those tape measures)

OP posts:
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 15:37

You're being so dramatically over sensitive... she wasn't 'horrible to a seven year old.'
She said it quietly to you. She might have a point if you've taken it this badly.

Ta1kinPeece · 13/09/2017 15:39

eamonn
I would imagine waist should be FAR lower than 50 % of height
You'd be surprised ....
check out your measurments ....
I'm 5'5" (65 inches) and a size 8, but my waist is 29 inches .... so not much less than half

jordans
its horrible to be told it, but the way to deal with that is with information, not tears.

Mia1415 · 13/09/2017 15:39

I actually think your friend was quite rude. Does no-one else take exception with the 'he should be like my son' comment? Who says that? Every child is different.

As long as he is healthy and eating a good diet, getting exercise etc then I'd ignore her.

Numberonecook · 13/09/2017 15:43

Hi, I deal with a lot of parents who have concerns about children's weight being either too low or too high. First things first it's difficult for anyone to tell if a child is overweight just by looking at them unless they are very overweight. Parents especially don't see 'true' size. Secondly children should be weighed and measured to ensure healthy growth, there's nothing wrong with this it's normal. It also puts minds at rest.

I'd thank your friend for mentioning it then just weigh him. I wouldn't get too upset some people genuinely do mean to help whilst others can be a bit mean.

Karak · 13/09/2017 15:45

I do actually weigh my kids to keep an eye on weight because I'm conscious I wouldn't necessarily notice and it's so easy for them to gain weight even eating healthily. A friend's child is a bit overweight (I haven't dared mention, I assume she knows!) and she eats completely healthy food, just eats an awful lot (I always find her rummaging in my fridge when she comes round!).

Isn't that fairly normal to keep an eye on kids' weight? I also measure them, partly because I'm concerned my daughter isn't really growing and partly because we go places with height limits from time to time! They don't seem to have picked up a complex about it and obviously I'm not shouting about them being fat or anything like that.

DS is slightly underweight (but within the normal range) and DD is slap bang on average (but I always worry she's overweight because I compare her to DS). Actually DS does have a tummy despite being underweight - I think it's just how he's built.

OP I'd also be worried about your reaction. If someone said either of my kids were overweight I'd be concerned (and weighing them quickly) not upset with the friend. Although if they said it about DS I'd be more confused than concerned!

kaytee87 · 13/09/2017 15:48

From your later posts re comments about your hair and skin she does sound overly critical. Normal, polite people don't tend to mention what they think might be other people's flaws.
No harm in knowing what bmi your son is so you can reassure yourself or take action if needed :)
I was on holiday in August and I'd say 80% of the children round the pool were overweight so I do think it's very common for parents not to notice.

CalmanOnSpeeddial · 13/09/2017 15:48

For children, if you look at a 4 foot high 7 year old child then an average waist would be 22 inch, a slim waist would be 20 inches, and 24 inches, which is half their height, would be on the high side of normal. Above that would normally be too big unless the child was an unusual shape. So as a rule of thumb it stacks up - which surprised me because I always assumed that rule only applied to adults.

maygirl27 · 13/09/2017 15:49

Sorry, Jordans, I meant you don't want your son to become obsessed by weight and body image problems. He sounds a normal lively little boy and he doesn't need that BS. It happened with my daughter so I wouldn't like another kid to go through it because of some chance remark. I think your friend should know better.

kaytee87 · 13/09/2017 15:50

calman the waist to height ratio is good actually, more accurate than bmi probably as it's 'tummy fat' that's really bad for you apparently.

PickAChew · 13/09/2017 15:50

Your friend sounds like a pita but, unlike your skin, you can put your mind at rest when you weigh and measure your ds. It doesn't have to be a procedure loaded with gravitas. You can have fun with it. Measure your dog, too, if you have one!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 13/09/2017 15:51

No point getting stressed about this OP. It is easy to check if your 'friend' is showing concern or being a bitch simply by weighing him! IF he is 'slightly on the large size' then it is easier to address at this age than when he is older and you have less control over his food. IF his height weight ratio is fine then keep doing what you're doing.

You don't need to tell him you are weighing to check to see if he's on the large size. Just say that mummy needs the information for a form to fill out (which isn't a lie if you're entering the info on the NHS website to check)

kali110 · 13/09/2017 15:52

Ignore the people accusing you of being a troll.
Parents cant always tell if their kids are a little heavy, your friend maybe trying to be nice.
The other things, dry hair etc, also being helpful!
I always tell my friends if i find good products that help my hair, hands, wrinkles etc if they're suffering too, or if i know something may help them.
She doesn't sound likes being nasty, but you know her better.
Maybe she doesn't know its upsetting you.

SonicBoomBoom · 13/09/2017 15:52

You should be able to see his ribs down his chest and his stomach muscles.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 13/09/2017 15:54

My 1yo is always looked upon as being on the larger size Hmm. She is on the high side of normal but this is in line with her height. I monitor her weight visually (not too closely that it's obsessive - last weighed 6 months ago) as I have weight issues which I don't want to pass onto her

TipTopTipTopClop · 13/09/2017 15:57

I don't understand why you're upset of you know that she's wrong.

How will you feel if you find out that he is above his ideal weight?

It is very hard for parents to see their children objectively. I had a family friend comment on my son's 'speech impediment' when he was a toddler, and my husband and I were half offended/half amused.

It is so clear to me now when I watch videos of him as a toddler that he he had a worrying inability to form certain sounds until a relatively advanced age, and we dodged a bullet.

MadMags · 13/09/2017 15:58

You're being very snippy with people for no reason, OP.

Why would you weigh him? So you can know his weight, of course!!!

She's not being horrible to a child.

Potentially she is being horrible about a child but how would anyone here know that?

If she is, you simply end the friendship.