to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???

[Jordans02021982]

Hello, I never actually post on here, just have a little browse, but figured this is probably a good place to discuss this. My son is 7 and small for his age (height wise, but not sure if that is relevant) he isn't skinny, no, but he definitely isn't "quite large". I know it sounds extreme, but I have been crying over this. I really make an effort to make sure he is eating healthy, but does have the odd treat, he's a kid. He does lots of sports and runs around like everyone else! I just feel so hurt. She hasn't seen him for 2 years now and when it was just me and her (the kids went off to play) she said am I watching what he is eating and I said what, she said he has become quite large and pointed to her tummy, so clearly knew what she was on about. Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

He isn't "quite large"!!!

Why would you mot want to double check though.... easier to deal with at 7 than in a few years time.
In year 6 my ds looked overweight but was within the BMI healthy weight range. In year 7 he grew quite a bit and i thought he looked trimmer but when i did the check he had slipped into over weight range.
If your friend is a health freak she is probably more likely to notice and i think it is a good thing she raised it with you.
Weigh him and put your own mind at rest

Just saw that he 'gets it all the time' - do you mean comments about his weight?
If so I'd certainly weigh him. Also PP's saying that school would certainly have picked it up - that's not always the case.
With so many kids being overweight, I think parents should take some responsibility for keeping an eye on their kids weight and not expect the school to be entirely responsible for flagging up problems.

I have a friend who has two overweight children. It is extremely clear to others. She thinks they're big boned. It makes me so sad but darent get involved in case she starts a thread like this! Can't possibly comment on your child.

Measure his height tonight after school, make sure it is a fun activity. Weigh him as well. When he has gone to bed and you have a chance work out his BMI If it is fine, you have nothing to worry about. If he is a little overweight, then you have a good friend who spotted it before it became a problem.
Don't panic or worry, just collect your facts

Most active 7 year olds have lost that baby tummy though, so if your friend pointed out that he has a biggish belly maybe it is something you should be aware of. When your son is in the bath can you see his ribs? Is there a fold over his middle when he sits down? He might not have weight issues ATM but obesity creeps up at that age, and often the last one to see it is the person who sees the child every day.

As pp's have said, parents find it difficult to be objective about this.
A lot also depends on how short he actually is.
My DD is slim and wears 6-7 pants. The only reason she wears 8-9 trousers only for length but I find waists etc on most clothes are far too big. Same with tops, she needs the length but not the width.
In the kindest way, you need to stop being outraged and offended by your friend and just weight/measure your child and establish if she was being horrible or is a genuine friend and trying to help.

Find you old red book, the immunisation one. There should be a graph on there where you can plot height/ weight and check if he is in the normal range. If he is, stop worrying. She is being a bitch.

ds is now age 12. fully clothed he looks perfectly in proportion, but in swimming stuff this summer there was definitely a bit of a paunch that wasn't there last year. Bit of a surprise.

I do think as parents that these things can creep up without you really noticing.

I agree with most people on here your friend wasn't being nasty - she was trying to be helpful however misguided you think that is.

If genuinely you know there is no weight issue then laugh it off and move on. No one is being mean here.

No he never gets comments about his weight. I said about his height...

I will weigh him after school then. No she isn't a friend who is normally okay, constantly messages me when I put up a photo of cream that can help my skin or some new liquid to help my "dry hair", she constantly does it to people, hence not seen her in 2 years. It got to me because to move onto my child is just mean.

Maybe if he 'gets it all the time' then he's fat.

Your friend wasn't being rude or mean to your son as she raised it with you. And it sounds like she did so in as considerate a way as possible.

Stick him on the scales tomorrow morning and note his weight down. Shocking that you haven't done so over the last three years.

I think you've said he's little for his age - which means if he's in the "right" sized clothes, he might well be carrying a little more weight than he should? All my kids were tiny and clothes for their age would always be far too big, around them as well as in length.
As others have said - can you see his ribs?
I was a fat child myself, in an era when people really were much thinner on average than they are now. I think you've almost got to be older (like me) to realise how much weight perceptions have changed in the past three decades - and also to say for your son's sake, if he is carrying extra weight it's much kinder to him to realise that and take action now.

Oh FFS 3rd time, he gets it about his HEIGHT, not his weight

Nine in 10 mothers and eight in 10 fathers of an overweight child described them as being about the right weight. NHS study in 2015.

I agree that she probably should have kept her nose out. But she's into fitness and may have worried about telling you. DD's friend at school is overweight and thank goodness his mum knows. Because I wouldn't want to say anything (he's one of the loveliest kids you could hope to meet) but he's got bad knees so it could really affect him.

I get lots of "isn't she skinny" comments about DD who is a very normal weight. I think most people have forgotten what a 'normal' size is.

I agree that if he's short, he should really be in clothes at least 1 - 2 years below his age, otherwise they'd be hanging off him. How come he's in the next size up if he's short?

Why has it touched a nerve with you? If your son is genuinely slim, why are you not just brushing her comments off as bonkers and keeping out of her way. I would weigh him and take his height and plot in his red book. If you're then concerned you can easily pick up his activity levels and look at tweeting his diet. He won't even notice. Good luck.

Tweeking not tweeting his diet!

OP, in the nicest possible way people are trying to tell you that you should bear in mind that you're used to seeing your son and that many parents don't realise their child is slipping into overweight.
If your son is a healthy weight then great!

If he's not then she's done you a favour.

OK, he's a perfectly normal weight.

Why have you been up crying about it for several night? What's actually bothering you?

This thread is useless without pics!

Yes I am a first time poster, what's that got to do with it? Everyone has a first post... I clearly said that at the start

What's this that waist should be no more than 50% height? Surely that's not true?

Mrs, I will tell you his weight and height but he isn't here right now, I said I will do that when he gets home