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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???

221 replies

Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:35

Hello, I never actually post on here, just have a little browse, but figured this is probably a good place to discuss this. My son is 7 and small for his age (height wise, but not sure if that is relevant) he isn't skinny, no, but he definitely isn't "quite large". I know it sounds extreme, but I have been crying over this. I really make an effort to make sure he is eating healthy, but does have the odd treat, he's a kid. He does lots of sports and runs around like everyone else! I just feel so hurt. She hasn't seen him for 2 years now and when it was just me and her (the kids went off to play) she said am I watching what he is eating and I said what, she said he has become quite large and pointed to her tummy, so clearly knew what she was on about. Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

He isn't "quite large"!!!

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 13/09/2017 16:01

You mentioned this person being into their fitness - as long as you are happy your son is a reasonable weight don't upset yourself as long as your son is happy within himself and active thats all you can ask.

Both my kids were porgy from 8-10 yrs this at the time was referred to as puppy fat, now my son is 6ft 2 and weighs 11.5 stone. A very healthy weight.

Mrsemcgregor · 13/09/2017 16:04

OP - is she offering to sell you these lotions and creams when she comments?

happymumof4crazykids · 13/09/2017 16:04

You think he isn't overweight but she does. He may not be what you think of as fat as in the the heavily overweight children you do see around at times, but she sees him as being much bigger than her son and his peers. Don't get upset and think she was attacking your parenting. Weigh and measure your son, put his details into the NHS bum calculator and see from that. If he is overweight then at least you can do something now before it really becomes a problem!

paxillin · 13/09/2017 16:12

I know an extremely obese child whose mum still thinks him normal weight. Most parents can genuinely not see when their child's overweight. Maybe he is just a lot heavier than other kids his height she knows, maybe not. She didn't sayit to him, but you. I sometimes wonder if I should have told my friend her son is overweight years ago. I think most people don't dare so many parents only find out in year 6 when the kids are weighed in school.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 16:15

He's 108cm, 19.5kg which means he is a healthy weight (74th percentile) I knew it.

We did the dog too, I hate the thought that kids need to obsess over their weight, hence I wasn't keen.

OP posts:
ElizabethShaw · 13/09/2017 16:18

I'm glad your mind has been put at rest Jordan.

Generally, it is really hard to tactfully mention a child is overweight. Why would school/a teacher bring it up as someone suggested? Its not really a teacher's job, and they would assume the parent was aware. IME many parents of overweight children opt out of the Reception weigh ins anyway.

roundtable · 13/09/2017 16:19

Great result op. Send the info to your 'friend', tell her she is wrong and then disengage for your own wellbeing.

Now you know for certain she has issues so anything she says - laugh it off.

Don't sink to her level. Flowers

roundtable · 13/09/2017 16:22

I opted out of the Reception one Elizabeth but only as my dc was having an operation during that year and had been weighed umpteen times and would be weighed after too. It was getting a bit much! (He's right in the middle of healthy weight so no worries there).

FuckingDiet · 13/09/2017 16:25

This prompted me to my kids only ds at home at the moment so did him, I am a bit shocked by the result to be honest. 124cm 3st 1lb 8 1/2 years old put him at 0%. I knew he was small for his age under hospital for slow growth but has been tracking the 2% line for weight nicely for the last couple of years. Maybe he still is as this calculator groups everything together.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/09/2017 16:28

We did the dog too Grin

That's great. No need to worry now. And think about this 'friend' and what you'd like to do about it.

CalmanOnSpeeddial · 13/09/2017 16:29

To be fair the skin and hair thing makes her sound like an MLM Bot.

Pestilentialone · 13/09/2017 16:32

Excellent news Jordans Now all you have to do is check Ddog and DS every six months. Make it fun and normal, have you got a door frame or something you can keep a history of him growing up on. When DFiL moved he had to put a new door on the larder because his 3 DS and 8 Dgrandkids all had their heights recorded on the back of it. The old door went in his new shed.

Karak · 13/09/2017 16:39

Good news Jordans so get a new friend :)

SunshineAndSmile · 13/09/2017 16:39

No harm in checking occasionally in a 'lets see how much you've grown' way. Clothes are no longer an indication of size as the sizes can vary so much nowadays.

Subtlecheese · 13/09/2017 16:44

Touting for trade as a fitness coach. A whole industry that needs you to lack confidence in yourself.

Needalifeoverhaul · 13/09/2017 16:47

Hope you cut ties with your 'friend' now...and sorry you were upset. Some people are just bitchy for the sake of it op...sad but true. Flowers

Ta1kinPeece · 13/09/2017 16:48

Hang on ........

His weight is 74th centile

but he's very short .....

what is his BMI and how does it fit on the NHS calculator for children ?
www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalculator.aspx

Mittens1969 · 13/09/2017 16:48

I was a tubby child myself and my DM handled it by constantly telling me I was 'fat', and going on to lose weight. So you're right to be careful how to handle weight issues in children.

It's obviously hit a nerve of some sort to make you this upset, though? And AIBU wasn't the best place to post really.

Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 16:49

Clothes do vary, that's why I was confused people were assuming he was overweight because he is in the correct clothes size... Shops differ.

OP posts:
ElizabethShaw · 13/09/2017 16:50

His BMI is 74th, which is perfectly healthy.

kaytee87 · 13/09/2017 16:50

peece the op mentioned both height and weight and figured out he was in the 74th centile so I'm assuming she used both height and weight to figure this out

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 13/09/2017 16:53

He is in the normal range on the children's one talkinpeece

paxillin · 13/09/2017 17:03

How did the dog measure up is what I want to know Grin.

lettuceWrap · 13/09/2017 17:09

My slender (not underweight) almost 7 year old is a real problem to buy trousers for- the waist on most trousers is huge and even with those adjustable pull tab things, are difficult to get a good fit. In underpants, he fits age 5 perfectly.

I am going to gently suggest that the fact he's short, but is wearing age- 6/7 and 7/8 clothes means that he might be quite overweight (and no, it isn't always easy to tell).

I think you should have notice of what your friend said, she hadn't seen him for a long time so a weight gain would be more obvious to her (I'm not sure she was right to bring it up bluntly with you, but she did, so maybe it's time to look closely at him?).

You need to measure both his height AND weight (one doesn't mean much without the other!), and look online for a children's BMI chart (there are special ones for young kids). Either your friend is wrong, or she's right - in which case you can plan some changes for your DS now, while it's not a huge problem.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 13/09/2017 17:18

But what about the dog? Grin mine is a bit chubby but the kids are fine.

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