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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified that my friend asked me if I am watching what my child eats because he has become quite large???

221 replies

Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 14:35

Hello, I never actually post on here, just have a little browse, but figured this is probably a good place to discuss this. My son is 7 and small for his age (height wise, but not sure if that is relevant) he isn't skinny, no, but he definitely isn't "quite large". I know it sounds extreme, but I have been crying over this. I really make an effort to make sure he is eating healthy, but does have the odd treat, he's a kid. He does lots of sports and runs around like everyone else! I just feel so hurt. She hasn't seen him for 2 years now and when it was just me and her (the kids went off to play) she said am I watching what he is eating and I said what, she said he has become quite large and pointed to her tummy, so clearly knew what she was on about. Then said he should be like her son and that there's clearly a huge difference. She is a fitness coach and very into her fitness, but I just can't believe it.

He isn't "quite large"!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jordans02021982 · 13/09/2017 17:21

The poor dog Grin he is huge... DS was trying to hold him while being on the scales - he wasn't impressed

Surely it depends where you buy the clothes from?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 13/09/2017 17:27

Ok, so the "friend" is a complete cow, and your son is fine.
Do Ditch the nasty woman, and carry on as normal with your son. And if she she pops up again makes a comment say
"I've had it up to here with your rampant body-fascism, go and pick on someone your own size".

That should do the trick.

kaytee87 · 13/09/2017 17:27

lettuce did you read any of the updates?

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 13/09/2017 17:28

Your son sounds fine but could you buy the dog an aerobics DVD and a leotard and legwarmers? Wink

Ummmmgogo · 13/09/2017 17:30

I would send those results to your friend and tell her to fuck off! well done op this thread can't have been easy to read but you took advice and now have the scientific evidence that your friend is a bitch.

poddige · 13/09/2017 17:38

being horrible to a 7 year old.

Perhaps she's just being truthful?

poddige · 13/09/2017 17:39

Just read another of your posts - if 'he gets it all the time' then I think you owe it to your son to see if he is overweight, and address it.

nonevernotever · 13/09/2017 17:48

Poddige please just read the thread. OP has already confirmed that she is weighed / measured her son and put it into the appropriate NHS calculator and he's fine. She's also explained several times that he gets comments about his HEIGHT all the time., not his weight.

ambereeree · 13/09/2017 17:59

Sometimes children have a belly but are fine on the bmi calculator. A bit like adults who gain excess fat around the moddle but scales say they are within range.

FruitCider · 13/09/2017 18:08

I'm confused. 108cm is in the height range for size 4-5 clothes so how is he managing to wear size 7-8 waist clothes when his height is that of a 5 year old? I'd expect his waist to be of a 5 year old too...

JustDanceAddict · 13/09/2017 18:14

Agree that you should be able to see ribs at age 7.

theymademejoin · 13/09/2017 18:25

The problem with percentiles is you're comparing with the population. So a 75th percentile means his bmi is higher than 75% of boys his age. I don't know how often the data is updated, but as the level of obesity increases in the population, the lower down a percentile you need to be at in order to be healthy.

MadMags · 13/09/2017 18:31

What exactly did she say?!

YellowFlower201 · 13/09/2017 18:40

Glad you've been able to reassure yourself.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 13/09/2017 18:45

Even if he was overweight, this person didn't approach it very sensitively.

Mittens1969 · 13/09/2017 18:46

Yes, glad you've reassured yourself, OP. I understand why you're upset with your friend, in view of how she's been with you in the past. She does sound a bit smug, comparing your DS to hers.

HalfShellHero · 13/09/2017 18:48

YANBU OP, I think its more the fact when she hasnt seen him in 2 years, so clearly shes not that close to him and taking liberties and has offended you in the process. It would be different if this was a grandparent,auntie etc..

procrastinationsupremo · 13/09/2017 19:12

Sorry to go a bit off topic, but when would people generally suggest beginning to keep an eye on their child's weight? I've struggled on and off with my weight forever (though my husband is annoyingly slim) and I know from experience that it's much easier to maintain a healthy weight than lose weight.... My daughter is only 20 months and eats a pretty healthy diet (though quite big portions!). I want her to have a happy, healthy attitude towards food and exercise, but I don't think I'd ever really be able to tell objectively as she just looks gorgeous to me (😳).

theymademejoin · 13/09/2017 19:21

While your friend sounds pretty tactless, I'd be keeping an eye on a child at the 74th percentile. It's fairly high up the scale. It might be that it's normal based on his build, it could be he's about to have a growth spurt or it could be that he is heading towards overweight. I would check again in a few months and see which way he's heading.

RedForFilth · 13/09/2017 19:38

I'd definitely message your "friend" and tell her. Some people really will say anything just to be nasty I'm afraid especially since she says things about you as well. I'd cut her out of your life totally tbh. It screams insecutiry when people are like that which is her own issue she needs to address.
Weighing your child (as is recommended) won't make them obsess over their weight if you have he right attitude so don't worry. It sounds like you made it fun which is great!

LilyWhites325 · 13/09/2017 19:40

Oh my god your friend just sounds like a complete cunt op Flowers

Urubu · 13/09/2017 19:45

74th percentile for weight vs which percentile for height? They are supposed to roughly match.

NeonFlower · 13/09/2017 19:46

Don't get riled by an offhand comment and a bunch of advice on the internet. Don't make it a 'thing'. Keep on parenting as you were, don't change. I would step away from this thread and the issue.

oblada · 13/09/2017 19:55

Well if he is on the 75th percentile she probably had a point although wasn't tactful about it... He is not 'obviously not overweight'. It may be worth keeping an eye on him. But no diet no, he's a kid with a roughly normal weight but towards the end of the range so worth keeping in mind...

FourForYouGlenCoco · 13/09/2017 20:02

Can I just chip in here that while height and weight centiles should generally match, some kids don't fall in with the 'rule'. I've had flack off the HV because my DS is 50th centile for height and nearly 91st for weight - but given he was on the exact same centiles as an EBF newborn, I'm fairly sure he's just built that way. He's only just turned 1 now, granted, so things might change, but I won't be worried if they don't because he wasn't overweight at 2 weeks old, and he isn't overweight now, despite the HV's hand-wringing.
OP glad your DS is fine, and the 'friend' sounds like a shit friend tbh. Leave it longer than 2 years next time (like maybe forever!)