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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It was my day

206 replies

6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 05:42

It was my birthday yesterday, I woke up for ready to help "DH" out at work as he was very short staffed, when I woke up I didn't even get a card from hubby or the 2 youngest (hubby would of had to get a card from the youngest).
My daughter phoned to wish me a happy birthday and offered to bring me breakfast but I declined as not everyone eats McDonald's.
I go downstairs and there is nothing waiting, we go to work and I was expecting something there but when for there their was also nothing. So I thought he was really dragging this out and maybe he had arranged a BBQ after work with family and maybe friends, well we get home and nothing, I refused to cry in front of him but I did cry and I still am.
My son and Dil brought the grandkids round and got me flowers and a blouse, then my daughter and sil came round and got me a book and a bottle of prosecco, but by this time I was so very upset, all I wanted was a card and a thought but I didn't get that from DH, he is not the most romantic man and I accept that but this was my special day and it was like it never mattered. Aibu?

OP posts:
FittonTower · 27/08/2017 05:50

Your husband got you nothing? No card or even cuppa and your favourite biscuits? That's not being unromantic that's being a prick. I'm not the most bothered about birthdays but I think if my husband completely ignored it I'd be pretty cross

Callamia · 27/08/2017 05:51

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Did he even say Happy Birthday to you? Did he acknowledge it was your birthday at alll? What about your youngest children?

Someone should tell him hat you're disappointed, and that he needs to make amends for this.

Next year, please arrange yourself something lovely - if you're going to have a Bank Holiday weekend birthday, make the most of it!

btw, Happy Birthday. I'm glad your oldest children were there.

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 05:56

He said happy birthday and he told me I looked lovely, but that was it.
I have psoriatic arthritis in my ankles and he is arranging for me to go to Spain to see if the heat helps but he has told people that is my present but it's not, I feel like telling him to stick it up his arse as this was arranged before my birthday .
I'm going to have to tell him how much he has upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 05:59

And another thing while I'm ranting, all day yesterday he was saying how eating out wasn't that much fun anymore and I think that's why I was expecting a BBQ once home, he did open a jar of sauce and mix it with quorn for dinner!!!

OP posts:
KweenOfFarts · 27/08/2017 06:02

^I got a spot on my bum, it might be a boil'

Areyoureallykidding · 27/08/2017 06:08

And there are worst off people in the world without the stupidity of 'oh I am angry because he did not get me card'.

Geez......

counterpoint · 27/08/2017 06:13

I'm ashamed to say you're the same star sign as me.
He's already said the trip to Spain is your birthday present and the fact it was bought in advance makes no difference. He's also acknowledged it's your birthday plus complimented you.
Something else is bothering you, right?

MagnumAddict · 27/08/2017 06:19

You sound a tad ungrateful OP.

Lovely trip to Spain arranged, not good enough.

Breakfast offered, not good enough.

Visitors in the evening and presents, too upset to enjoy them.

You see the part you are playing here? I would be upset at the no card though so feel that's fair enough. Maybe you could also say you didn't realise the trip to Spain was your present but does sound a bit churlish.

Regardless of all that I'm sorry you had a miserable birthday. As pp asked, anything else going on? Does your DH usually make a big fuss at birthdays?

RhubardGin · 27/08/2017 06:30

I booked a holiday (for 2018) for my OH for his birthday but I still gave him a card/present and made a fuss on the day itself.

We celebrate birthdays and think they're important days, it's what normal people in RL do Confused

We always arrange cards, presents and a meal out or family BBQ (weather permitting!)

And I'm sorry but a McDonalds breakfast on your birthday? Gads!

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 06:36

The McDonald's breakfast was what my daughter suggested when she phoned, but I was going to work and as not everyone eats it i still has to arrange breakfast for the youngest 2.
And the trip to Spain is with me staying with a friend and this was discussed months ago but I can only visit next month due to her commitments.

OP posts:
dudsville · 27/08/2017 06:55

Op,I was thinking about what's normal for your family. If my oh had been like that I'd think he was being dismissive. We wake to"happy birthday" and a card, presents, the offer of breakfast or tea/coffee depending on whether it's a work day. If it is a work day we usual leave presents for later but is sweet to know they are there. We're only talking small scale presents, a film or a book... it's the gesture that we know the other has held us in mind. If my oh had been like yours was on your birthday I would have cried too. I'm sorry you're getting done negative responses here. That's the way of things but it's hard when you're already smarting.

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 07:18

A post it note would of been nice, but I see birthdays of a way of celebrating that person, so to be dismissive of it hurts as dh can buy anything from a fridge an iron or even a trip away in the past, it's not about what I got or didn't get it was the way my day was avoided, he could of got the kids to make me a card with ketchup smears, but i think he is taking me for granted.

OP posts:
Areyoureallykidding · 27/08/2017 07:51

OP - get over it for goodness sake! What else do you want MNs to say?

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 08:00

Just their opinion and for me to have a bit of a rant about my feelings

OP posts:
highinthesky · 27/08/2017 08:03

I do wonder why adults put such significance on their own birthdays. It's important to them perhaps, but not everyone else.

With children it's different - the highlight of the year.

CoughLaughFart · 27/08/2017 08:05

There are some miserable cows on here this morning!

I don't blame you for being upset OP. Even if the trip (in reality the flights if you're staying with friends) is your present, a card and a bottle of plonk shouldn't be beyond him.

BakedBeans47 · 27/08/2017 08:06

I think some people are being a bit mean, you feel how you feel and you're only sounding off.

In no way was it unreasonable of you to expect him to give you a card and maybe organise a nice dinner!

kittybiscuits · 27/08/2017 08:07

Usual MN bollocks. He was very thoughtless OP. What effort, if any, does he usually make? I hope he will enjoy quorn and a jar of sauce as the sum total of his birthday celebration.

Hassled · 27/08/2017 08:08

I don't see why she should get over it. I've never understood the view some MNers seem to have that once you've hit 18 your birthday stops mattering and if you think it does matter then that's your problem. As far as I'm concerned birthdays do matter - and it doesn't take much to buy a card or a small gift or just something to acknowledge the fact you love and care about the person. I'd have been gutted if I'd been the OP - the DH has shown such little care or kindness.

PennyTentiary · 27/08/2017 08:08

I think you should always get a card as it's just nice and thoughtful. However, you can't say he didn't get you a present when he got you a trip to Spain! Most people would never get a gift like that. You also have to be mindful that you werr offered things which you turned down.

pinkdelight · 27/08/2017 08:09

Why not cry in front of him? Why not say something early on so he can fix it? Or so you'd at least have got it off your chest and been able to enjoy the other nice stuff? Why not have said sod working for you, you miserable git, I'm going out with friends for dinner? Any number of things would've been better than putting up with it and crying your heart out. Obviously he's still an arse, but if you know what he's like you need to either lower your expectations or communicate much better. Ideally the latter or he's never going to know. And when he says stuff like that about going out, make sure he knows you disagree and want taking out, like, tonight on your birthday. I'm amazed you thought a man who couldn't muster a card was secretly planning a bbq. Yanbu to feel upset but fgs just talk to him.

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2017 08:10

I see birthdays of a way of celebrating that person my day was avoided

I find this difficult to relate to, I have to be honest. I don't understand adults who think like this, I actually don't know anyone in real life who does think it's "their day" and they as a person should be "celebrated". Yes he should have got you a card and a gift, but to be still crying, and to have such high expectations I struggle with.

Maybe explain to him in future you want a card and a small gift, and you dial down the expectations that there should be a party in your honor or whatever and take it from there.

Blodplod · 27/08/2017 08:13

Personally, I can see why you're upset. There was no acknowledgement from your husband on the day really that it was your birthday. I don't buy into this 'oh I'm so useless at birthdays' ethos that some men take great delight in exercising as a great big excuse to be lazy and uncaring. It wouldn't have taken much effort to buy a nice card and a present, regardless of the Spain trip. Which as we know is mainly for your health benefits rather than a weekend break given as a gift. It's shit behaviour and I, like you would be pissed off.

kittybiscuits · 27/08/2017 08:13

If you don't understand why birthdays matter to adults, why bother posting on this thread? After all, people who 'don't understand this' are ten-a-penny on MN.

GissASquizz · 27/08/2017 08:13

Yes OP. How dare you expect your life partner to acknowledge your birthday? Or make a fuss of any kind? Hmm

I'd be hurt. Very hurt.

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