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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It was my day

206 replies

6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 05:42

It was my birthday yesterday, I woke up for ready to help "DH" out at work as he was very short staffed, when I woke up I didn't even get a card from hubby or the 2 youngest (hubby would of had to get a card from the youngest).
My daughter phoned to wish me a happy birthday and offered to bring me breakfast but I declined as not everyone eats McDonald's.
I go downstairs and there is nothing waiting, we go to work and I was expecting something there but when for there their was also nothing. So I thought he was really dragging this out and maybe he had arranged a BBQ after work with family and maybe friends, well we get home and nothing, I refused to cry in front of him but I did cry and I still am.
My son and Dil brought the grandkids round and got me flowers and a blouse, then my daughter and sil came round and got me a book and a bottle of prosecco, but by this time I was so very upset, all I wanted was a card and a thought but I didn't get that from DH, he is not the most romantic man and I accept that but this was my special day and it was like it never mattered. Aibu?

OP posts:
TheySayIamparanoid · 27/08/2017 09:43

I was talking about this the other day, I said that if something is important to a person, then it should be important to those who love them!

It's not a man thing, it's a thoughtless thing for anyone to do!

pringlecat · 27/08/2017 10:14

What happens on his birthday?

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 10:39

On his birthday he is treated like a king,
But he has redeemed himself as he has come up and brought me a flask of tea and he is meeting me at DD at 5 pm so I have the afternoon to myself and he even put the hot tub on for me for when I get home Smile

OP posts:
MsGameandWatching · 27/08/2017 10:49

OP - get over it for goodness sake! What else do you want MNs to say?

Is it really necessary to be quite so nasty? Go back to bed ffs and don't let anyone else have to deal with your ill humour. Unless you're like this all the time then god help them!

Sorry OP, that sucks. It's so little effort to get a card and some flowers. I'd be hurt too. I'm a single parent and my children always do something for me whether it's making cards or waiting till I am out at that car and quickly putting all the cakes, biscuits and sweets in the house out on the table for a "party". They did that unprompted when ds was 11 and dd 6. If kids can do that then surely a grown adult can?

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 10:52

It's so little effort to get a card and some flowers

Confused

Are you suggesting it's so little effort so he could have done it? In which case, what would be the point?

MsGameandWatching · 27/08/2017 10:54

You know what I meant. Why be snide?

isupposeitsverynice · 27/08/2017 10:58

Got to love a bit of competitive birthday martyrdom on mumsnet. OP I am not ashamed to admit I threw a massive shit fit recently for not getting me a card for our first wedding anniversary. It isn't about a £1.50 card it's about a small amount of thought and effort expended to demonstrate love and acknowledge a special occasion. It isn't unreasonable to this from your significant other, regardless of how many mumsnetters fall over themselves to tell you how lucky they consider themselves if DH so much as looks at them on their birthday Hmm

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 10:59

I don't know what you meant, no.

That's why I asked...

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 11:01

I don't celebrate my birthday. I genuinely don't understand it when people get upset about not receiving cards and presents. There are many more ways of showing someone you care about them. If you are waiting for that day for proof, then that's a problem. If you know they love you, then that day probably isn't that important.

If someone does celebrate their birthday though, I don't see how a card and bunch of flowers that require no thought are any different to not receiving anything.

MsGameandWatching · 27/08/2017 11:01

Oh sorry you struggle with comprehension I didn't realise. Given my post in its entirety I thought it was clear and no one else seems to be struggling to understand.

Anyway. It's very little effort to get some flowers and a card or something so why couldn't he do it? Do you understand now 😊

Inertia · 27/08/2017 11:02

Perhaps it's time to stop treating him like a kind on his birthday then?

grandOlejukeofYork · 27/08/2017 11:03

Of course you aren't unreasonable. MN'ers love to fall over themselves to tell you that as an adult you should not expect even a card on your birthday and you're a childish loon if you do. One can only assume their partners are selfish dicks and they are so used to being ignored that they think everyone else should be too.

In the real world, it is entirely normal and expected for an adult to give their spouse a birthday present and take them out or make them dinner etc.

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 11:05

No, because I don't understand why making "very little effort" is much different to not making any effort.

MsGameandWatching · 27/08/2017 11:06

Ok I'm finding this increasingly tedious. Read it however you want Smile

isupposeitsverynice · 27/08/2017 11:07

Wise plan MsG, you're not going to get far with someone who can't tell the difference between nothing and something Grin

grandOlejukeofYork · 27/08/2017 11:09

because I don't understand why making "very little effort" is much different to not making any effort

Lesson of the day: A "little" is more than "none". It's a bit like how 2 is more than zero.
Do we need pictures?

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 11:09

MsGame My question regarding clarification to you was a genuine one. There are often threads like these, and I am yet to understand the issue.

Although it obviously didn't read like that. It would have been nice if you'd just explained it, tbh.

LouHotel · 27/08/2017 11:09

Wow what a bunch martyr's you all are.

OP if my DH couldnt even be bothered to get me a card i would equally be upset. In regards to the spain trip it sounds like thats being paid out of joint funds and was preplanned so i do think thats a cop out.

My dad would buy my mum things for her birthday that were for the house, washing machine, hoover and one romantice Christmas a paper shredder....their divorced now.

MsGameandWatching · 27/08/2017 11:09

I did.

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 11:12

Lesson of the day: A "little" is more than "none". It's a bit like how 2 is more than zero

But it requires no thought. It's easy. It says nothing about the person, nothing about how well they are known or understood.

It's a bit of a "ah shit, I forgot, I'll pop into Sainsbury's on the way home".

If receiving gifts is important to someone, I don't see why they'd be happy with something that required so little thought and effort any more than with something that required none.

If I imagine how I'd feel in that situation, I think the half hearted, "well i did kind of do it, but not in any meaningful way" would be worse.

Huffletuff · 27/08/2017 11:13

Hahaha gotta love the bitter Mumsnet posters.

Birthdays are important, child or adult. I've never worked on my birthday and never will. It's the one day of the year that is all about me, and I love it!

My parents and DH all book the day off too and DS is off. Same for all their birthdays. They're a celebration - as much stead as Christmas in our family.

If I didn't even get a card on my birthday from my DH, let alone no presents, breakfast, cake etc, I'd be absolutely devastated. But then my family actually want to make birthdays special and plans are discussed weeks in advance.

I love birthdays!

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 11:13

But then again, I guess this is why I don't celebrate my birthday. All just a bit unfathomable. Smile

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 11:14

Why do you assume people are bitter, Huffle? Confused

isupposeitsverynice · 27/08/2017 11:15

Yes, it's completely baffling that some people enjoy their lives and look to celebrate another year of them Grin

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 11:16

My parents and DH all book the day off too and DS is off. Same for all their birthdays.

What do you do? Do you all go out for the day?

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