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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It was my day

206 replies

6demandingchildren · 27/08/2017 05:42

It was my birthday yesterday, I woke up for ready to help "DH" out at work as he was very short staffed, when I woke up I didn't even get a card from hubby or the 2 youngest (hubby would of had to get a card from the youngest).
My daughter phoned to wish me a happy birthday and offered to bring me breakfast but I declined as not everyone eats McDonald's.
I go downstairs and there is nothing waiting, we go to work and I was expecting something there but when for there their was also nothing. So I thought he was really dragging this out and maybe he had arranged a BBQ after work with family and maybe friends, well we get home and nothing, I refused to cry in front of him but I did cry and I still am.
My son and Dil brought the grandkids round and got me flowers and a blouse, then my daughter and sil came round and got me a book and a bottle of prosecco, but by this time I was so very upset, all I wanted was a card and a thought but I didn't get that from DH, he is not the most romantic man and I accept that but this was my special day and it was like it never mattered. Aibu?

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 27/08/2017 08:14

It was my fortieth the other day and I also didn't get anything (including a card) from DH, DC (10 and 5) or Neice (19 - who lived with us). I got a present from my parents and DB. It made me bleak but I wasn't sobbing - a little hurt as it made me feel undervalued but it's not worth not appreciating the things you did get!

I think there's been a mix up as DH assumes Spain is your gift. I'm afraid you have to move on from this and enjoy the heat in Spain!

Happy bday for yesterday Flowers Wine Cake

EnterFunnyNameHere · 27/08/2017 08:15

I don't understand the MN consensus of birthdays for adults not being important. I love the very bones of my D, and to me celebrating the day he was born - without which he wouldn't exist to be in my life - is important. And he feels the same about me!

What's wrong with wanting to celebrate anyway? For any reason? Spoiling people and making them feel happy is fun!

SenoritaViva · 27/08/2017 08:15

Neice lives with us not lived...

cdtaylornats · 27/08/2017 08:16

this was arranged before my birthday

A great many birthday presents are.

kittybiscuits · 27/08/2017 08:19

Yeah. Like say your xmas present. Or last year's birthday present. That's before your birthday. So shut up moaning - you've already had a present. Just waiting for 'you sound high maintenance'.

SavoyCabbage · 27/08/2017 08:20

I'd be hurt too although I think you were daft to say no to your dd bringing you breakfast. It shouldn't matter that other people wouldn't like it. It was your birthday and something that your dd was doing for you.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 27/08/2017 08:21

There are some really mean-spirited responses on this thread.

We love birthdays in our family. I look forward to my birthday, and DH and DS know that it matters to me; we celebrate with cards and cake and gifts. The same for their birthdays. I would be gutted if I had a birthday like the OP. Flowers and Cake for you.

And in RL, I don't know anyone who doesn't celebrate their birthday!

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 08:21

I don't get adults who celebrate their birthdays either.

My exh does. He always books the day off work and has particularly high expectations of how is birthday will be marked.

It was one of the contributing factors to our relationship breaking down; I cannot be doing with such childishness in a grown up.

I think you should always get a card as it's just nice and thoughtful

Because nothing says "I love you" like spending £1.50 on a piece of folded card that someone else has drawn a picture on and someone else has written the words in...

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2017 08:22

Usual MN bollocks

Why, because someone disagrees with you it has to be bollocks? I bet you're articulate in an argument.

I think most people have said they think he should have got her a card and a small gift. What's being disputed is she should be still crying and have expected a BBQ in her honour with guests and be ignoring what others done and sitting their sobbing a day later.

kittybiscuits · 27/08/2017 08:23

^ you split up with your ex because he liked to celebrate his birthday and you think that's childish? He dodged a bullet in my view.

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 08:23

I also think it was a bit churlish not accepting the breakfast from your daughter. No, not everyone likes McDonalds but you were given a book and a bottle of prosecco that you were too upset to enjoy Hmm, are your expectations normally so high that you cannot enjoy/appreciate what you are given?

Blodplod · 27/08/2017 08:25

And I think the OP made it very clear in her posts that a trip to Spain was organised for health reasons. No mention of this being a birthday gift. Then, on the day of her birthday he's saying that the Spain trip is the present. Kind of convenient excuse to say that's the gift in lieu of anything else? Yes, rightly, she's upset. I would be too... I personally don't want much for birthdays and Xmas. I constantly tell my husband not to get much or go mad with spending loads as I'd rather concentrate on paying off our mortgage etc and we have everything we need etc.. but no acknowledgement at all would really really upset me.. like the OP I would feel invisible and taken advantage of which is her issue I think.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 27/08/2017 08:25

There are some nasty people in this thread OP. Ignore them.

Yes your H was very thoughtless not to at least get you a card. Tell him it upset you and that you expect a card, so please do not forget again.

Flowers Cake

NicolasFlamel · 27/08/2017 08:26

I think it would have been nice for him to get you a card. It wouldn't have been too much trouble.
I hope you didn't let your upset show to your kids though. They made the effort and got you gifts.

Pollydonia · 27/08/2017 08:28

I think other posters are missing the point if it's a disparage between how you treat him on his birthday.

ChocoholicsAnonymous · 27/08/2017 08:28

YANBU. Have it out with him. Poor you.

user1471495191 · 27/08/2017 08:28

I usually take control and say what I want to do on my birthday i.e. Work or take the day off, request a cup of tea in bed or breakfast out, what I want to eat, who I want to see and what I want to do to celebrate. I would expect a card and one from DC but presents are a bit hit and miss, and I'd prefer to spend the day doing exactly what I like than worrying about a present.

I do the same for DH on his birthday, ask him what he'd like to do, make him choose what we do/eat in advance.

Is this something you could try in future? That way you can aim to get a day you can enjoy without relying on others to get it right.

DereksGotATail · 27/08/2017 08:29

A lot of people got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.
Your partner has been very thoughtless, it's disappointing when he couldn't be bothered to even get a card for you.

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 08:32

kitty No.

It was one of the contributing factors to our relationship breaking down.

He expected a minimum of two bought birthday cards from me that he needed to be satisfied appropriately reflected how I should feel about him.

He collects film merchandising and always expected something that he (obviously) hadn't already bought for himself but wanted (his tastes were quite specific and he bought a lot so this was very difficult to achieve and he wouldn't give any indication as to what he wanted, as that spoilt the surprise) as it was part of maintaining the element of birthday surprise you have as a child.

He would book the day of work, along with the days either side of it (if possible) to 'celebrate'. He expected a paid for day out (like a child would). He expected to be 'celebrated' for about 3 days with the same level of attention as a chlid would receive.

So no, I don't think he dodged a bullet. But thanks for your opinion.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 27/08/2017 08:35

Oh my lord you drama queen!!!

Cried?! People spoiled you rotten and you're still acting like a total diva.

Jesus wept.

WowserBowser · 27/08/2017 08:35

Sometimes people just need to feel appreciated. And a birthday is the perfect excuse. It's not entitled or ungrateful.
Even just a card would have been nice.

Happy belated birthday, Op Flowers

kateandme · 27/08/2017 08:35

talk to him!sometimes I do think that most problems are bought here because they are bought here.when really in a relationship you should be talking to your person (most loved) in this world bar children(dogs) etc and that your partner themselves?
did he think the trip to spain was the pressie.
did he think he had acknowledged it?
I am sorry though if this happened to me I too would be really sad.and feel like shit.
so as I understand it if my dad to my mum.didnt get her a card.nor got the littllies to send her one,or seemed to mention it in any way id be right on his ass to get it together man!

53rdWay · 27/08/2017 08:36

You spent your birthday helping him out at work, and he didn't even get you a card? YANBU to be upset, that's really thoughtless.

WowserBowser · 27/08/2017 08:36

Just because other people 'spoiled' her doesn't mean he couldn't have made a bit of effort

Blodplod · 27/08/2017 08:39

Jet, but you are using this example of a very high maintenance grabby ex boyfriend who demanded tonnes of attention and expensive presents and celebrations as a comparison to the OP who wanted simple (normal) acknowledgment from her life partner that it was her birthday? Seems a tad unfair don't you think?

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